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Ink in the Blood Posts

Walking Away …

Walking Away …

growing up

i took a lot

of walks

especially

in the flame

of summer

it was a way

to think

my own thoughts

and let go

of the breath

i’d been holding

as if i were under

water

walking was different

than running

i loved running

‘cause it felt like flying

but sometimes

i didn’t have it in me

to run

walking didn’t require

much

i could drag my feet

along

if it was too tough

to lift ‘em

off the ground

i’d take off walking

to each dead-end

sign

and turn back around

yearning for the quiet

of trees

there was no screaming

or constant cussing

no slamming doors

or flying objects

no broken glass

or violent fists

no silent tears

streaming down

the mirror

or seeping into the pillow

there was a stillness

in the grass

the wing of a bird

brushed against the sky

a pasture of horses

across the street

that knew me

knew somehow i needed ‘em

they’d stand out there

withstanding the worst

of weather

i’d watch ‘em

out the school bus

window

bracing for impact

whenever i took a walk

my walking always

led to them

and whenever they’d see me

coming down the road

they’d stop

whatever they were doing

and move toward me

in a graceful gait

they’d let me pet ‘em

on the head

and feed ‘em apples

they belonged to the people

who lived in the big ‘ole house

in the middle of a lot of land

edged by miles

of wooden fence

i would makeup stories

in my head

‘bout the folks who lived there

and they were always …

happy

i was a daydreamer

my whole life

no matter where i was

or what i was doing

alone or in public

i was daydreaming

it was a way

to cope with chaos

like all those walks

i took

down that long stretch of dirt

from one dead-end sign

to the other

and back around

to the pasture

where the unicorns

were waiting

for me

TL

Too Late for Tears

t

h

e

y

who go

unnoticed

unchecked

unhappy

behind

small smiles

they live their little lives

in an imaginary

world

created in the cracks

in the eruption

… the interruption

of childhood

p l a y

they never had

a chance

born into

traumatic

circumstance

too young

to get in a car

and drive away

too scared

to speak up

and say

too conditioned

to accept

the way it is

children don’t get

a chance to choose

how they are

raised

some get lucky

and make it

out …

but some

never get to leave

the black box

….

laid to rest

in a meadow

down

that knows no

walls

no doors

no locks

the wind blows

through

and through

TL

Avalon

snow in the sea

it glistens

like the rain

through the trees

a breath of frost

on the ground

high on the hill

the bells are ringing

an eternal spring

TL

Golden Boy

he felt

the earth

beneath his feet

along the rugged

trail of trees

each step

drawing him closer

and closer

to the center of his soul

as he climbs higher

and higher

to the summit

of a sunset

he is not alone

an Eagle flies overhead

beckoning him further

along

whenever he grows weary

he stops

and rests on a rock

a butterfly lands on his hand

resting, too

he can hear the chorus of birds

chirp

the squirrels scraping

against the bark

he listens to the quiet

of deer walking

sees the sunlight

dance with the wind

he makes his way to the river

and bends down

his cup runneth over

he watches diamonds

wink on water

the whisper of wildflowers

on the bank

a yellow leaf drops down

and floats on by …

he watches it

‘til it disappears

from sight

he feels free

happy within

he continues on

his path

he needs no map

at the crossroads

a little boy

looks back

stops and waves

before he takes off

flying

TL

Baloo Birthday

how is

the weather

there

it’s raining

here

the ground is

saturated

with a week of rain

since the sun

moved to Texas

on the second

in its 20th year

we have to light candles

round here

to mimic the ray

a lamp over a plant

to keep it green

the rain to keep it

real

no rain … no roses

right

only in the silence

do you hear

sight and sound

the senses most profound

or is it feeling

encircled

and held

like a ring

eternal …

that you wear

within

no matter

where or when or why or what

or who

the ring is true … true love

my beautiful baby

Baloo

TL

The Giving Tree

“once

there was

a tree …

and she loved

a little boy

and every day

the boy

would come

and he would

gather her leaves

and make them

into crowns

and play king

of the forest

he would climb

up her trunk

and swing

from her branches

and eat

her apples

and they would

play

hide-and-go-seek

and when

he was tired

he would sleep

in her shade

and the boy

loved the tree …

very much

and the tree

was happy

but time went by

and the boy

grew older

and the tree

was often alone …

… then one day

the boy came

to the tree

and the tree said,

‘come, boy,

come and climb

up my trunk

and swing

from my branches

and eat apples

and play in my shade

and be happy’

‘I am too big

to climb and play,’

said the boy,

‘I want to buy things

and have fun

I want some

money

can you give me

some money’

‘I’m sorry,’

said the tree,

‘but I have no

money

I have only

leaves and apples,

take my apples, boy,

and sell them

in the city

then you will have

money

and you will be

happy’

and so

the boy climbed

up the tree

and gathered her apples

and carried them

away

and the tree was

happy

but the boy stayed

away

for a long time …

and the tree was

sad

and then one

day

the boy came

back

and the tree shook

with joy

and she said,

‘come, boy,

climb up my trunk

and swing

from my branches

and be happy’

‘I am too busy

to climb trees,’

said the boy,

‘I want a house

to keep me warm,’

he said,

‘I want a wife

and I want children,

and so I need

a house

can you give me

a house?’

‘I have no house,’

said the tree,

‘the forest

is my house,

but you can cut

off my branches

and build

a house

then you will be

happy’

and so

the boy cut

off her branches

and carried them

away

to build his

house

and the tree was

happy

but the boy stayed

away

for a long time

and when

he came back

the tree was

so happy

she could

hardly speak

‘come, boy,’

she whispered,

‘come and play’

‘I am too old

and sad

to play,’

said the boy,

‘I want a boat

that will take me

far away

from here

can you give me

a boat’

‘cut down my trunk

and make a boat,’

said the tree,

‘then you can

sail away …

and be

happy’

and so

the boy cut down

her trunk

and made a boat

and sailed

away

and the tree was

happy

but not really

and after a long

time

the boy came

back again

‘I am sorry, boy,’

said the tree,

‘but I have nothing

left

to give you –

my apples are

gone’

‘my teeth are too weak

for apples,’ said the boy

‘my branches

are gone,’ said the tree –

‘you cannot swing

on them’

‘I am too old

to swing on branches,’

said the boy

‘my trunk

is gone,’

said the tree,

‘you cannot climb –’

‘I am too tired

to climb,’

said the boy

‘I am sorry,’

sighed the tree,

‘I wish

that I could give you

something …

but I have nothing

left

I am just

an old stump

I am sorry …’

‘I don’t need

very much now,’

said the boy,

‘just a quiet place

to sit and rest

I am very

tired’

‘well,’

said the tree,

straightening herself up

as much as she could,

‘well, an old stump

is good

for sitting and resting

come, boy, sit down …

sit down and rest’

and the boy

did …

and the tree was …

happy”

Adapt

Adapt

with

the windows

down

rolled past

houses

and glimpsed

light pink

roses

climbing

a chain-link

fence

and somehow

they reached me

through the metal

without words

like a bird

in the rain

TL

IF

IF

“if you can

keep your head

when all about you

are losing theirs

and blaming it

on you

if you can

trust yourself

when all men doubt you

but make allowance

for their doubting, too

if you can

wait

and not be tired

by waiting

or being lied about

don’t deal in lies

or being hated

don’t give way to hating

and yet

don’t look too good

nor talk too wise

if you can dream

and not make dreams your master

if you can think

and not make thoughts your aim

if you can meet

with Triumph and Disaster

and treat those two impostors

just the same

if you can bear

to hear the truth you’ve spoken

twisted by knaves

to make a trap for fools

or watch the things

you gave your life to

broken

and stoop

and build ’em up

with worn-out tools

if you can make

one heap of all your winnings

and risk it

on one turn

of pitch-and-toss

and lose

and start again

at your beginnings

and never

breathe a word

about your loss

if you can force

your heart

and nerve

and sinew

to serve your turn

long after they are gone

and so hold on

when there is nothing in you

except the Will which says to them

‘Hold on!’

if you can talk

with crowds

and keep your virtue

or walk with kings

nor lose

the common touch

if neither foes

nor loving friends

can hurt you

if all men count with you

but none too much

if you can fill

the unforgiving minute

with sixty seconds’

worth

of distance run

yours is the earth

and everything

that’s in it

and

which is more

you’ll be a man

my son”

Poet Rudyard Kipling

(i have lived every single syllable of this transforming poem since reciting it in a high school graduation speech in May of 1991 … 35 years ago … jest yesterday)

The Return

and low

after all

the weight of snow

and searing sun

wicked wind

and raging walls of water

lies a speck of sand

at the bottom

of the sea

were it dust

it would float on up

and away

to another land

in time

but circumstantial seas

buried it beneath

the depths of oceans

far and wide

forgotten there

over time

the bygone traveler

just begun

takes a turn round the bend

to sail the stars

in search of life

where it starts

where it ends

stirring up the surface

where the sun and moon

are mirrored

it leaves a wake

the speck of sand

then can take

to travel up

from the depths

through the coral reef

and strands of weed

to break the surface

like a wild whale

racing with the wind

one heads to the blue beyond

the other to the shore

where castles

there

are built by hand

in a magic winter

wonderland

TL

Man in the Arena

Man in the Arena

“It is not

the critic

who counts;

not the man

who points out

how the strong man stumbles,

or where the doer of deeds could have done

them better.

The credit belongs

to the man

who is actually in the arena,

whose face is marred

by dust and sweat and blood,

who strives valiantly,

who errs,

who comes up short

again and again,

because there is no effort

without error and shortcoming,

but who knows the great enthusiasms,

the great devotions,

who spends himself in a worthy cause;

who, at best,

knows,

in the end,

the triumph of high achievement,

and who,

at the worst,

if he fails,

at least he fails while daring greatly,

so that his place shall never be

with those cold and timid souls

who neither know victory

nor defeat.”

US President Theodore Roosevelt, 1901-1909

Yeah, No

Yeah, No

when they …

wheel ‘ya out

with your bundle

and ‘ya go forth

all careful-like

and super slow

over every bump

and dip

in the road

and then

you’re home

and it begins …

your new life

… this new life

that grows inside of you

and then outside of you

turning the burrito blankey

into a cape

the baby flies

down the hall

and the clock falls

off the wall

and you get stuck

on the seconds

the minutes

the hours

but time keeps

turning over

and over

and over

and you panic

and try to buy up

all the watches

all the clocks

but it’s too late

you’re too late

and you can see

the sequin cape

sparkling out the driver’s-side-window

as it flaps outta sight

all carefree-like

hitting every bump

and dip

in the road

boom booming

further and further

away from home

and it begins …

your new life

… this new life

that grows inside of you

and then outside of you

turning the burrito blankey

into a cape

TL

Up the Mountain

at first

school was

good

i remember it …

how it was

in pre-school

then kindergarten

1st Grade

2nd Grade

3rd Grade

4th Grade

5th Grade

but around

6th Grade

I noticed

a change

she had held a lot

in

but it would eventually

spill out …

at home

or in the car

or behind closed doors

she was being bullied

because of me

and she didn’t want to tell me

about it

‘cause she knew how much it’d hurt me

like it hurt her

even though she looked white

like her Daddy

the children

had seen me

their parents had seen me

and they all knew from a glance

that she was not just white

like her Daddy

that she was Asian, too

we were not prepared

for how that would

play out

I had even weighed the thought

of home-schooling her through the middle-school years

and when the bullying got really bad

in high school

I asked her several times if she wanted to switch schools

but she had worked so hard

academically

had been eyeing the Valedictorian spot

since grade-school

so she stayed

and kept climbing

despite the hate

and betrayal

‘til she made it happen …

her Valedictorian speech

was amazing

as was her full-ride scholarship

to college

where she is continuing

to crush it

in Chemical Engineering

already the recipient of two academic fellowships

she’ll head to Texas this summer

to intern at a highly competitive company

where she’ll get paid to do what she loves to do

so it won’t be work

and when she comes back in the Fall

she’ll continue tutoring college students

from various majors

who need help with their writing

from a peer who won’t judge them

for it

but will instead

encourage them

and believe in them

‘cause she knows

that Belief  

is where it all

begins …

TL

Papa

Papa

waiting on

food

stood there

staring off

and in the distance

i see this guy

making his way

down the long corridor

he looks like Papa

the Papa i remember

who was heavyset

and walked with a limp

he didn’t need no cane

no walker

no wheelchair

back then

he’d hobble along

just fine

like this guy does

i had the urge

to follow this guy

into the vision center

and tell him

how lucky he is

to be able to walk

such a long distance

without a cane

or a walker

or a wheelchair

to keep on going

no matter what

no matter the aches

and pains

and bad days

to keep hobbling along

‘cause he’s doing just fine

he might not think it now

but if he only knew

how hard it is

to get up from a recliner

steady yourself

and shuffle one foot

in front of the other

to get to the kitchen

… he’d get up

and hobble himself

everywhere

TL

(written Jan. 11, 2022)

Roses

the roses

were bleeding

think they still are

but it’s dark

back there

so i can’t be sure

i can hear the petals

crackle and crunch

like the leaves

like snow

like fire

like an echo

i pick ‘em up

and turn ‘em over

and they turn red

in my hands

and i’m standing there

looking down

at the abyss

as if i’m watching myself

from afar

i wake up weeping

the pain is as real as it was

that night

i feel my way through the dark

and turn on the light

it feels like

it just happened

but it didn’t …

that was 31 years ago

the last gift

i gave you

was red

TL

(Written March 1, 2024)

Blank Pages

Blank Pages

she left

the keys

untouched

but the memory

of the music

plays on

she left

the paint

dry on the brush

but the feeling

hangs on the wall

she never

puts the plates

away

so they sit

empty

on the table

like the chairs

on the floor

TL

(written March 1, 2024)

Lake

Lake

the weeping water

is full of sorrow

on its wrinkled face

a bird drinks its tears

and flies off

a submerged fish

pops up its head

gasping for breath

then disappears

beneath the depth

of clouds

that drift in blue

pools

the summer rain

sets in

and the wind picks up

tossing the light

and shadows

TL

(written July 10, 2024, on the dock)

Fade Away

Fade Away

under the cloud

fade

into the blade

like run-off paint

on a pristine green

like smoke

after the wish

was made

like a strand of lights

unplugged

at the end

of a year

like a song

on repeat

that eventually

gets replaced

by a new rhythm

like a stick tree

that lost all its leaves

in one full gust

like an Oak that took a cut

then a char

before it crumbled

to ash

swept away

in the wind

like a pretty promise

on a Spring-filled day

that froze

under the weight

of a harsh winter

like a book

in a basement

box

that was once

held

and revered

like a bird

that fell

from the sky

that had migrated

a million miles

to feel warm

like a blue butterfly

that lived but a day

but what a day

like the scent

of a red rose

flattened

between the pages

of a poetic line

that will never be

what it was

what it once was

but it was

TL