Needlepoint Pillow
“in a world
that is scary
and hard
to endure
if you make
art
at all …
you’re part
of the cure”
(Historic Artist Perry Vaile on Homeworthy)
Poetry
Needlepoint Pillow
“in a world
that is scary
and hard
to endure
if you make
art
at all …
you’re part
of the cure”
(Historic Artist Perry Vaile on Homeworthy)
Internal Turning Point
when i was
a little girl
i loved giving
gifts
all kinds
the act of giving
the gift
was a gift to me
i felt it
deep within
and as i grew older
the gifts i gave
grew bigger
and better
and more
i would go
overboard
giving gifts for all occasions
but i never realized
why … why i did this
why was giving a gift
so important to me
i took it very seriously
i would give so many at one time
one was never enough
but this morning
it dawned on me
the reason why – why i do this
i guess i never thought about it
before
but looking back
i was always trying so hard
to please
to be pleasing
to pretend everything
was ok
a present was a symbol
a way to say it’s ok
even if it wasn’t
in a child’s mind
the perfect gift
could fix all the unperfect
things
and there were so many
unperfect
unpleasant
unfortunate things
to fix
my self-worth was tied up
in a bow
gift giving became
what i was good at
what i was known for
whenever anyone opened the perfect gift i gave them …
and they acted like they loved it … it made me feel worthy
i never understood that ‘til now
‘til this morning
50+ Years
and i never understood that
‘til today
the act of giving gifts
meant more to me
than receiving them
as far back as i can remember
this was me – the gift giver
i was always giving a gift
to somebody
and waiting for their approval
that was the orphan in me
trying so hard to please
abandonment is self-imprisonment
it does affect your self-worth
and no amount of gift giving
can fix that
i should have realized all along
that self-worth can’t be given away …
with a bow on top
TL
The Rose
“some say
love
it is
a river
that drowns
the tender reed
some say
love
it is
a razor
that leaves
your soul
to bleed
some say
love
it is
a hunger
an endless
aching need
i say
love
it is a flower
and you
its only seed
it’s the heart
afraid
of breaking
that never learns
to dance
it’s the dream
afraid of waking
that never takes
the chance
it’s the one
who won’t be
taken
who cannot seem
to give
and the soul
afraid of dyin’
that never
learns to live
when the night
has been
too lonely
and the road
has been
too long
and you think
that love is only
for the lucky
and the strong
just remember
in the winter
far beneath
the bitter snow
lies the seed
that with
the sun’s love
in the spring
becomes
the rose”
(written in 1977 by singer songwriter Amanda McBroom
and performed by the one and only Bette Midler)
The Gem
under
the weight
of worry
a crease
of light
gives way
shining in a drop
of rain
like a diamond
in the sun
turned emerald
on the blade
TL
On the Bridge
spiders are spinning
silver thread
through my hair
the crows have landed
on my face
mashing their feet
relentlessly
as if they were in a barrel
mashing grapes
internal stress has depleted
the reserves
everything preserved
for consumption
causes inflammation
yay
all the storms
have broken
the bearings
of a body
that once
ran rings
round the sun
and could hold
a whale’s breath
under water
and prowl like a panther
at night
and roar like a lion
when need be
and sleep sound
like a spent child
and wake refreshed
and renewed
like a teenager
still boundlessly
beautiful
and blissfully unaware
without a care
or a clue
when everything’s still
brand new
nobody gets the whole cake
we all crumble
at some point
in time
propped up
to listen to the band
play
‘ya only get
so much
fore it’s taken
away
and the hoarders
hold tight
don’t give up
without a fight
and it’s Christmas
in a bad economy
food and gas
and daycare
the rent
the mortgage
the car
the insurance
all the bills
and don’t forget
the taxes
are due
and working parents
still need daycare
and school kids
still need supplies
and teachers still don’t get paid
nearly enough
like police and fire and EMS
and nobody listens
to good advice
‘til they’re good and ready
or ‘til the doctor tells ‘em so
eat right and exercise
limit stress and sugar and salt
and if it’s processed
it ain’t fer you
but what do ‘ya do
when even the fruit and vegetables
are recalled
now ‘ya gotta be a farmer
in this world
who has time
for that
getting by
that’s what people are doing
right now
jest getting by
and the dirt poor
who were already poor
before the Pandemic
say welcome to my world
and the ultra rich
who were ultra rich
before the Pandemic
say everything’s just fine
stop worrying ‘bout it
worrying causes wrinkles
here have some Botox
and if ‘ya can’t feel your face
well that’s jest a side effect
all drugs have side effects
here take this
here take that
wait what happened
to her
wait what happened
to him
but she was so young
but he was so young
poor problems are rich problems
and rich problems are poor problems
just on different scales
which weighs more
which weighs less
TL
Roses in the Rain
the baby’s
eyes
were blue
at birth
but the world
would only see
surface brown
dark
like wet bark
but blue eyes saw
so much
too much
all the good
all the bad
and all the rest
the absorption
of day and night
all the seasons
wrapped in one
and it’s hard
to pick a flower
now
knowing it’ll
die
the moment
you do
a market-full
to choose
same as fruit
that wilts within
and the worst things
happen
to ordinary people
to extraordinary people
but so too
the greatest things
and these things
pay no mind
to time
like that Dickens’ line
in a Tale of Two Cities …
“it was the best of times,
it was the worst of times …”
the world stills
in sorrow
for the sufferer
but keeps spinning
for the oblivious
‘til it’s your
turn
‘til it’s you
in the mirror
you on the floor
whether suffering comes early
or late
or somewhere down the middle
it’ll unfold
without favor
making the memory
that much greater
of what it was
before …
of what it was
after …
TL
Momentum
run
‘til you can
run
no more
walk
‘til you can
walk
no more
limp along
‘til you can
limp along
no more
roll
‘til you can
roll
no more
sit and watch
‘til you can
sit and watch
no more
lie down and listen
‘til you can
lie down and listen
no more
close your eyes and see
‘til you can
close your eyes and see
no more
go to sleep
‘til you can
go to sleep
no more
then rest
‘til you can rest
no more
then go …
‘til you can
stay
no more
then fly
fly away
“somewhere …
over the rainbow”
TL
An Empty Room
still think
maybe
the sweetest thing
you ever told
me
was how
you could be
perfectly happy
in a room
with nothing in it
for the rest of your life
so long as i was still in it
back then
we didn’t have
much
to fill up a room with
30 years later
there’s so much stuff
in the room
we can barely even see
each other
first 10 years
it was jest
the two of us
building a life
working paycheck-to-paycheck
to make ends meet
but we were steadily climbing
higher and higher
each year
so by the time
our miracle baby
arrived
we were ready
suddenly it was
the three of us
and from then on out
every single choice
we ever made
centered on her
on her well-being
you built a business
eat-sleep-repeat
to give her the best shot
in life
and i became
a stay-at-home-mom
to give her the best shot
in life
and in a blink
she was grown
and gone
off to college
out on her own
leaving us behind
in a room
full of stuff …
her stuff
your stuff
my stuff
…
it’s a lot of stuff
to sift through
30 years of stuff
built up
and i tend to wanna
hang on to it
ALL
been 2 years
since she left
Empty Nest
and i’m still stuck
in a room
full of stuff
guess that’s why
some people move
and start all over
in an empty room
and end up filling it
back up
with new stuff
old stuff and new stuff
then it becomes
overstuffed
how did the cave people make it
with jest fire
how did the people
who lost their homes to fire
make it
i don’t know
but they do
they did
‘cause they had each
other
maybe the truest test
of a long-standing marriage
is to ask yourself
periodically
can you be happy
… would you be happy
still
in a room
with nothing in it
but jest
the two of you
for the rest of your life
if you lost it all
tomorrow …
would you still be happy
could you still be happy
in an empty room
so long as
the two of you
were still in it
…
TL
(October 11, 1996)
Hurricane
the wind
blew back
the sun
and in the dark
ness
all the resting flowers
in the stone garden
were tossed about
in air
like a ship
across the sea
and all the mushrooms
were ripped outta
the ground
like trees
and the butterflies
and birds
the bees
were never heard from
again
like all the children
that grew up
and left the house
that lined the lawn
where Christmas came
and went
where all the eggs were hid
and found
except the ones
in the drainage ditch
unhatched
there in the eye
of destruction
it’s hard to believe
there was ever
a breath of beauty
beneath the rubble
like creatures
below the surface
of the sea
where waves
turn the sand
to shells
and nobody knows
what day it is
when it begins
when it ends
TL
Hummingbirds are Here
looked up
at the moon
a sliver smile
dotted by a star
stood on
the middle mile
with a silent stare
watching clouds
rush across
and disappear
like the wind
life below the moon
is
hard to know
a clock that never stops
changing
one second it’s this
the next it’s that
there are moments
that stop you
break you
and moments
that lift you up
and make you
better
moments that take you
away
and bring you back
down
to the hour
to the minute
to the very second
of birth
the birth from on high
to the earth below
into a world
where every second
of every minute
is a test
and you wonder
what
it all means
where it all
goes
i look at a stone
and it still hurts
inside
would have changed
the ending …
if i could
in the stillness of the night
the mind is a memory
a mess of memories
some of it turned out
some of it didn’t
what does anyone get
but a chance
the circumstances surrounding
that chance
will be different
for each of us
a test of will – the will within
and sometimes
none of it makes
any sense
… until it does
time is now
life teaches you
that
over and over and over again
hummingbirds
never waste time
not a drop
TL
In the Courts Above
if
you’re gonna
do it
whoever you are
wherever you are
don’t do it
to someone … to anyone
you love or you hate
don’t use them
as your escape
that’s what cowards
do
they use
they abuse
they refuse
how could you
do it
how could you
point a gun
to your child’s head
and pull the trigger
how could you
point a gun
to your wife’s head
and pull the trigger
did that give you the nerve
to then
point a gun
to your own head
and pull the trigger
if
you’re gonna
do it
whoever you are
wherever you are
for whatever reason
even though there is no reason
then do it
to you
to only you
to only yourself
and no one else
how could you
do it
to your own family
how could you forget
it doesn’t end
with a single shot
to the head
“God is watching us …
from a distance …”
TL
In the End
dead in a box
burned to ash
turned to dust
lost at sea
frozen on a mountain
top
turned into soil
mulch
decay
what a way
yeah, no …
none of it
sounds any good
to me
much rather be
a l i v e
and well
sipping tea
with a good book
in my hand
the sound of the rain
falling down
the smell of vegetable soup
on the stove
your pets warm and dry
by your side
daisies in a vase
and everybody you know
and love
still alive
still coming home
not alone
TL
September
sad as
i ever was
sad as the leaves
that fall from the trees
in September
sad as the ground
that takes the box and lowers it down
leaving a widow in the world
an orphan, too
sad as the man who had to sell
all his land – all 250 acres of it
sad as his wife, too
who had to sell away her home
where she raised her baby up and had to let her go …
sad as Rearden alone in the woods
with no way out
sad as your beloved dog dying
your cat
the baby bird that fell outta its nest
the baby squirrel, too
the wedding day that ended in divorce
the reporter that died in a helicopter crash
covering a fatal vehicular crash
the college student that graduated three years ago
and still can’t find work
the homeless that never intended to be
homeless
but the rent was too high and the pay was too low
how losing a job has become the norm like having three has,
too
how the Pandemic turned the world upside-down and inside-out and round-and-round
and left it lost and lonely
how you can’t help those
who refuse to help themselves
how the weak won’t survive … especially in a nursing home
how if people all around the world
truly loved themselves
and cared about themselves
and wanted the best for themselves
and never gave up on themselves
or tried to escape themselves
or make excuses for themselves
…
the world would be
so much better –
each person tending their own garden
with care and consideration
like the late great Whitney Houston once sang
“Learning to love yourself …
it is the greatest Love
of all”
TL
“We Reap What We Sow”
when the dust
settled
the innocence
of a nation
was gone …
and fear
set in
and it’s never quite
gone away
the fear of this
happening again
is always there
in the back
of a collective mind
nothing feels
safe and secure
as it once did
and we think of the children
coming up
whether we have children
or not
there are generations to consider
what we leave behind
what they leave behind
it affects us all
and ripples out
unto the world
actions have reactions
each individual
plays a part
in the outcome
of us all
for each day
we are given
a choice
no matter what kind
of circumstance
we find ourselves in
you are given
a choice
and the perspective
on that choice
is never just one thing
one way
we all have our reasons
for what we do
or what we don’t do
some of it is tied
to our past
some of it to our present
and some of it to our future
time is a continuum
through the ages
much of it
we don’t understand
or have words for
we are but seekers
on earth
for a short time
or a long time
or somewhere
in-between
each moment then
matters
more than
we know
in the smallest thing
like a seed
in the soil
that requires
light and air
and rain
to survive
and a blessing
from above
to grow
and transform
TL
Pause
in a movie
you can jest
fast forward
through
the terrible parts
that kill ‘ya
to the core
…
‘ya don’t
have to face
none of it
if you don’t
want to
TL
(Beaches 1988)
“The Grass is Blue“
Granny’s gone
Boo left
and Dolly
died
TL
And I
hard like
goodbye
Dolly
in your eyes
TL
Hayden Panettiere
she was
a lamb
that had
no choice
but to be
a Lion
TL
One Breath
joy and sorrow
felt
in a day
the same day
like today
the birth of a baby
the last of five
the passage of time
the turning
of days
all the memories made
the constant change
the rearrange
the growing up
and out
then decades later
the death
of the baby’s mother
on the day
the baby was born
… a baby no more
she’s a woman
in the world
a daughter
a sister
a wife
a mother
an aunt
a grandmother
a good friend
a seeker of joy
a believer of Grace
a human that makes mistakes
and owns ‘em
she understands
the symbolism
of life and death
the meaning of both
she’s rooted in her Faith
at peace with her choices
she knows
there’s more to life
than death
she knows
her mother’s in a better
place
free of pain and suffering and sorrow
free of earthly things
that box you in
she knows
there’s an Angel
by her side
ever waiting
with wings
TL
What a Gift
May
June
July
and then
there she was
sailing through
the door
in my arms
once more
no longer little
she’d jest driven
11 hours
from Texas
Home
racing her Daddy
down the interstate
when jest yesterday
she was driving me
round and round
the parking lot
and up the wall
and through
the neighborhood
and down the street
taller than me now
she laughed
and asked
have you shrunk !
yes
that’s what happens
when ‘ya get old
‘ya shrink
we share a laugh
like we do
her smile’s the same
with that same twinkle in her eye
she shows me her claws
and i look at ‘em
and nod
thinking ‘bout
when she was small
and how i clipped ‘em close
and painted ‘em Barbie pink
but 20 likes ‘em long
like pointy polished heels
with no pastel
she looks around
and says it feels like
she never left
but her hard hat
and steel-toe boots
tell another story
she’s been climbing
towers
and drafting specialized
diagrams
and giving presentations
and sitting in meetings
and coming up with solutions
and leading programs
and turning heads
and impressing the not so easily impressed
with her brilliant mind
and attention to detail
brains and beauty
and loves to laugh
she can read the room
and make sense of massive amounts of material
and comprehend it like a lawyer
she applies her insight
clear and concise
in a technical and efficient manner
like her Daddy does
they want her to come back
and intern next summer
and build her career there …
her life
she could take so many varied
paths …
med school
law school
PhD
build a business
a brand
be a model
be an artist
be a writer
or go straight to work
and climb the ranks
whatever it is… whatever she does
her purpose will find her
and she’ll give it a GO
give it all she’s got
and then some
and i’ll be as i’ve always been
amazed
and grateful
so grateful
for the gift
the wonderful gift
that is her
TL