Ink in the Blood Posts

Roses in the Rain

the baby’s

eyes

were blue

at birth

but the world

would only see

surface brown

dark

like wet bark

but blue eyes saw

so much

too much

all the good

all the bad

and all the rest

the absorption

of day and night

all the seasons

wrapped in one

and it’s hard

to pick a flower

now

knowing it’ll

die

the moment

you do

a market-full

to choose

same as fruit

that wilts within

and the worst things

happen

to ordinary people

to extraordinary people

but so too

the greatest things

and these things

pay no mind

to time

like that Dicken’s line

in a Tale of Two Cities …

“it was the best of times,

it was the worst of times …”

the world stills

in sorrow

for the sufferer

but keeps spinning

for the oblivious

‘til it’s your

turn

‘til it’s you

in the mirror

you on the floor

whether suffering comes early

or late

or somewhere down the middle

it’ll unfold

without favor

making the memory

that much greater

of what it was

before …

of what it was

after …

TL

Momentum

run

‘til you can

run

no more

walk

‘til you can

walk

no more

limp along

‘til you can

limp along

no more

roll

‘til you can

roll

no more

sit and watch

‘til you can

sit and watch

no more

lie down and listen

‘til you can

lie down and listen

no more

close your eyes and see

‘til you can

close your eyes and see

no more

go to sleep

‘til you can

go to sleep

no more

then rest

‘til you can rest

no more

then go …

‘til you can

stay

no more

then fly

fly away

“somewhere …

over the rainbow”

TL

An Empty Room

still think

maybe

the sweetest thing

you ever told

me

was how

you could be

perfectly happy

in a room

with nothing in it

for the rest of your life

so long as i was still in it

back then

we didn’t have

much

to fill up a room with

30 years later

there’s so much stuff

in the room

we can barely even see

each other

first 10 years

it was jest

the two of us

building a life

working paycheck-to-paycheck

to make ends meet

but we were steadily climbing

higher and higher

each year

so by the time

our miracle baby

arrived

we were ready

suddenly it was

the three of us

and from then on out

every single choice

we ever made

centered on her

on her well-being

you built a business

eat-sleep-repeat

to give her the best shot

in life

and i became

a stay-at-home-mom

to give her the best shot

in life

and in a blink

she was grown

and gone

off to college

out on her own

leaving us behind

in a room

full of stuff …

her stuff

your stuff

my stuff

…

it’s a lot of stuff

to sift through

30 years of stuff

built up

and i tend to wanna

hang on to it

ALL

been 2 years

since she left

Empty Nest

and i’m still stuck

in a room

full of stuff

guess that’s why

some people move

and start all over

in an empty room

and end up filling it

back up

with new stuff

old stuff and new stuff

then it becomes

overstuffed

how did the cave people make it

with jest fire

how did the people

who lost their homes to fire

make it

i don’t know

but they do

they did

‘cause they had each

other

maybe the truest test

of a long-standing marriage

is to ask yourself

periodically

can you be happy

… would you be happy

still

in a room

with nothing in it

but jest

the two of you

for the rest of your life

if you lost it all

tomorrow …

would you still be happy

could you still be happy

in an empty room

so long as

the two of you

were still in it

…

TL

(October 11, 1996)

Hurricane

the wind

blew back

the sun

and in the dark

ness

all the resting flowers

in the stone garden

were tossed about

in air

like a ship

across the sea

and all the mushrooms

were ripped outta

the ground

like trees

and the butterflies

and birds

the bees

were never heard from

again

like all the children

that grew up

and left the house

that lined the lawn

where Christmas came

and went

where all the eggs were hid

and found

except the ones

in the drainage ditch

unhatched

there in the eye

of destruction

it’s hard to believe

there was ever

a breath of beauty

beneath the rubble

like creatures

below the surface

of the sea

where waves

turn the sand

to shells

and nobody knows

what day it is

when it begins

when it ends

TL

Hummingbirds are Here

looked up

at the moon

a sliver smile

dotted by a star

stood on

the middle mile

with a silent stare

watching clouds

rush across

and disappear

like the wind

life below the moon

is

hard to know

a clock that never stops

changing

one second it’s this

the next it’s that

there are moments

that stop you

break you

and moments

that lift you up

and make you

better

moments that take you

away

and bring you back

down

to the hour

to the minute

to the very second

of birth

the birth from on high

to the earth below

into a world

where every second

of every minute

is a test

and you wonder

what

it all means

where it all

goes

i look at a stone

and it still hurts

inside

would have changed

the ending …

if i could

in the stillness of the night

the mind is a memory

a mess of memories

some of it turned out

some of it didn’t

what does anyone get

but a chance

the circumstances surrounding

that chance

will be different

for each of us

a test of will – the will within

and sometimes

none of it makes

any sense

… until it does

time is now

life teaches you

that

over and over and over again

hummingbirds

never waste time

not a drop

TL

In the Courts Above

if

you’re gonna

do it

whoever you are

wherever you are

don’t do it

to someone … to anyone

you love or you hate

don’t use them

as your escape

that’s what cowards

do

they use

they abuse

they refuse

how could you

do it

how could you

point a gun

to your child’s head

and pull the trigger

how could you

point a gun

to your wife’s head

and pull the trigger

did that give you the nerve

to then

point a gun

to your own head

and pull the trigger

if

you’re gonna

do it

whoever you are

wherever you are

for whatever reason

even though there is no reason

then do it

to you

to only you

to only yourself

and no one else

how could you

do it

to your own family

how could you forget

it doesn’t end

with a single shot

to the head

“God is watching us …

from a distance …”

TL

In the End

dead in a box

burned to ash

turned to dust

lost at sea

frozen on a mountain

top

turned into soil

mulch

decay

what a way

yeah, no …

none of it

sounds any good

to me

much rather be

a l i v e

and well

sipping tea

with a good book

in my hand

the sound of the rain

falling down

the smell of vegetable soup

on the stove

your pets warm and dry

by your side

daisies in a vase

and everybody you know

and love

still alive

still coming home

not alone

TL

September

sad as

i ever was

sad as the leaves

that fall from the trees

in September

sad as the ground

that takes the box and lowers it down

leaving a widow in the world

an orphan, too

sad as the man who had to sell

all his land – all 250 acres of it

sad as his wife, too

who had to sell away her home

where she raised her baby up and had to let her go …

sad as Rearden alone in the woods

with no way out

sad as your beloved dog dying

your cat

the baby bird that fell outta its nest

the baby squirrel, too

the wedding day that ended in divorce

the reporter that died in a helicopter crash

covering a fatal vehicular crash

the college student that graduated three years ago

and still can’t find work

the homeless that never intended to be

homeless

but the rent was too high and the pay was too low

how losing a job has become the norm like having three has,

too

how the Pandemic turned the world upside-down and inside-out and round-and-round

and left it lost and lonely

how you can’t help those

who refuse to help themselves

how the weak won’t survive … especially in a nursing home

how if people all around the world

truly loved themselves

and cared about themselves

and wanted the best for themselves

and never gave up on themselves

or tried to escape themselves

or make excuses for themselves

…

the world would be

so much better –

each person tending their own garden

with care and consideration

like the late great Whitney Houston once sang

“Learning to love yourself …

it is the greatest Love

of all”

TL

“We Reap What We Sow”

when the dust

settled

the innocence

of a nation

was gone …

and fear

set in

and it’s never quite

gone away

the fear of this

happening again

is always there

in the back

of a collective mind

nothing feels

safe and secure

as it once did

and we think of the children

coming up

whether we have children

or not

there are generations to consider

what we leave behind

what they leave behind

it affects us all

and ripples out

unto the world

actions have reactions

each individual

plays a part

in the outcome

of us all

for each day

we are given

a choice

no matter what kind

of circumstance

we find ourselves in

you are given

a choice

and the perspective

on that choice

is never just one thing

one way

we all have our reasons

for what we do

or what we don’t do

some of it is tied

to our past

some of it to our present

and some of it to our future

time is a continuum

through the ages

much of it

we don’t understand

or have words for

we are but seekers

on earth

for a short time

or a long time

or somewhere

in-between

each moment then

matters

more than

we know

in the smallest thing

like a seed

in the soil

that requires

light and air

and rain

to survive

and a blessing

from above

to grow

and transform

TL

Pause

in a movie

you can jest

fast forward

through

the terrible parts

that kill ‘ya

to the core

…

‘ya don’t

have to face

none of it

if you don’t

want to

TL

(Beaches 1988)

“The Grass is Blue“

Granny’s gone

Boo left

and Dolly

died

TL

And I

hard like

goodbye

Dolly

in your eyes

TL

Hayden Panettiere

she was

a lamb

that had

no choice

but to be

a Lion

TL

One Breath

joy and sorrow

felt

in a day

the same day

like today

the birth of a baby

the last of five

the passage of time

the turning

of days

all the memories made

the constant change

the rearrange

the growing up

and out

then decades later

the death

of the baby’s mother

on the day

the baby was born

… a baby no more

she’s a woman

in the world

a daughter

a sister

a wife

a mother

an aunt

a grandmother

a good friend

a seeker of joy

a believer of Grace

a human that makes mistakes

and owns ‘em

she understands

the symbolism

of life and death

the meaning of both

she’s rooted in her Faith

at peace with her choices

she knows

there’s more to life

than death

she knows

her mother’s in a better

place

free of pain and suffering and sorrow

free of earthly things

that box you in

she knows

there’s an Angel

by her side

ever waiting

with wings

TL

What a Gift

May

June

July

and then

there she was

sailing through

the door

in my arms

once more

no longer little

she’d jest driven

11 hours

from Texas

Home

racing her Daddy

down the interstate

when jest yesterday

she was driving me

round and round

the parking lot

and up the wall

and through

the neighborhood

and down the street

taller than me now

she laughed

and asked

have you shrunk !

yes

that’s what happens

when ‘ya get old

‘ya shrink

we share a laugh

like we do

her smile’s the same

with that same twinkle in her eye

she shows me her claws

and i look at ‘em

and nod

thinking ‘bout

when she was small

and how i clipped ‘em close

and painted ‘em Barbie pink

but 20 likes ‘em long

like pointy polished heels

with no pastel

she looks around

and says it feels like

she never left

but her hard hat

and steel-toe boots

tell another story

she’s been climbing

towers

and drafting specialized

diagrams

and giving presentations

and sitting in meetings

and coming up with solutions

and leading programs

and turning heads

and impressing the not so easily impressed

with her brilliant mind

and attention to detail

brains and beauty

and loves to laugh

she can read the room

and make sense of massive amounts of material

and comprehend it like a lawyer

she applies her insight

clear and concise

in a technical and efficient manner

like her Daddy does

they want her to come back

and intern next summer

and build her career there …

her life

she could take so many varied

paths …

med school

law school

PhD

build a business

a brand

be a model

be an artist

be a writer

or go straight to work

and climb the ranks

whatever it is… whatever she does

her purpose will find her

and she’ll give it a GO

give it all she’s got

and then some

and i’ll be as i’ve always been

amazed

and grateful

so grateful

for the gift

the wonderful gift

that is her

TL

Relationships

like is

a connection

but

love is

beyond connection

… it is essential

to the soul …

one can like someone

but not love them

or one can love someone

but not like them

… so

to like and to love

someone

is the ultimate lift

across time and space

and eternity …

it requires all of joy

and all of sorrow

rolling forth together

in continuous waves

like that

of the ocean

infinite and free

and beyond measure

… it is a letting go …

so it can come back

…

but maybe

the relationship

with one’s self

is the most healing one

of all …

to like and to love

yourself

is like holding

a master key

that opens

every door

until you reach

the One

that needs no key

…

for it is already

open …

and you just walk on

through

or roll or crawl

or get carried

TL

Grace

before

i knew

how

to pray

with words

my soul

knew how

in tears

a child cried

staring up at stars

the moon

looming large

how the rain

would fall

as if to say

you’re not alone

out of the same sky

the ray of the sun

would appear

each morning

and turn the sky pink

by evening

and out of the same sky

fell the snowflakes

covering the ground

like clouds over the blue

and even when

the sky turned gray

and a bolt of lightning

seared it

the sky would smile

back at me

in crayon colors

upside down

and in this space

i knew

that no matter

what

i’d make it

through …

even if

no one

was ever

there

the stars blinked

back

and winked

on water

like a diamond

cut from tears

TL

Swan

i saw her

just

yesterday

in a gym locker

room

in a moment

in time

harder than

most

we looked

at one another

taking stock

and we smiled

the same smile

without a mask

it was like

looking in

the mirror

seeing

a later version

down the road

perhaps

her hair

was styled

in a wavy gray bob

she had

a natural radiance

about her

an inner calm

that belied

ancestral strength

shorter in stature

yet a presence of purpose

her energy

flowed out

like the sea

reaching out to me

there were no words

exchanged

and yet

it was like

we were talking

the whole time

in a silent ancient language

and anyone observing us

in this moment

would have thought

she was my mother

and i

her daughter

for we looked

the same

moved through

the world

the same

sensing things

the same

…

maybe if

i see her

again

i’ll give her

this

…

and tell her

my story

how i was born

and never knew

my mother

but never

forgot about her

just carried her

within

all these years

searching the sea

the wind

TL

Monotony

movies

are a brief

escape

especially

the great ones

i can remember …

back in the day

taking college courses

in Vegas

and working

at Blockbuster Video

(before writing at the Mirage)

and how people

would make a bee-line

straight for the New Releases

you could feel the excitement

in the air

and hear the sound

of plastic movie covers

scraping against the shelves

as the first-come-first-serve

would quickly grab up the movie cases

behind the covers

and only then

would they relax

with the gold secured in hand

back then

they didn’t mind much

waiting in line …

this was their happy place

the beep beep of cases being scanned

and put in plastic bags

and told when they were due back

like a library book

and how this was the highlight

of so many lives

from so many different walks of life

and so many different ages

everybody knows

the power of great movies

what they can do

how they can lift you

away

from your worries

and make you forget

where you are

that’s movie magic at its very best

the storyline is the start

the way it’s delivered by the actors

the way it’s envisioned by the director

the way it’s cut with the score … music can say it all

a movie is an emotional ride

that people round the world

are willing to take

as evident

in the current

constant streaming

of movies worldwide

giving theatres

“a real run for the money”

nowadays a movie has to be

TITANIC

to make it worth it

to go and stand in a long line

to secure a ticket

in order to board

the ride

but if it’s great

really great

then it’s worth it

‘cause great movies

stay with ‘ya

long after

the credits roll

away …

TL

Angels

i go

there

trying

to find

you

…

some

part

of you

…

i roll

down

every

aisle

turn

every

corner

…

i know

you’re

not

there

but

i feel

your

spirit

down

every

row

…

so

i go

there

from time

to time

looking

for

you

there

…

but today

i didn’t go

inside

…

i didn’t

get outta

the car

i just sat

there

in the lot

for a while

and then

i left

…

TL