Unwritten
a certain
solution
can be dropped
into the soil
to turn
a pink hydrangea
blue
depending on the amount
and taking into account
the sun and rain
times two
the blue can be
a porcelain rose
a cloudless sky
a robin’s egg
a denim patch
a crayon scratch
a baby’s bonnet
a dress she wore
a ribbon in her hair
a shoe in a song
a book about
a bowl of blueberries
a bird in a tree
a note he never read
a note she never wrote
TL
Trees
leave it
in September
close the door
and let the wind
do what it does
don’t try to put the leaves
back on the trees
it never works
try to trust
in time
a new leaf
grows back
and then another
and another
and another
TL
After That
didn’t date
in high school
didn’t hang
with the wild kids
i stuck with the nerds
‘cause i was a nerd, too
seven years i cheered
made captain senior year
crowned prom queen
when it shoulda went to the blonde
went to college on a scholarship
for leadership
“was a good kid”
never drank or did drugs
or anything else
and I can still hear the car running
parked there under the moon
he told me he had a key to the place
that nobody was home
and we could go inside
and be alone
i had never been with anyone
and he knew that
knew that “i was a good kid”
i had loved him like a father
he was so good to me
believed in me
took time with me
taught me how to drive a truck
made me laugh like nobody
he’d hug me and hold my hand
and tell me how beautiful i was
but then he’d tell me other things
how bad his marriage was
how he wanted to leave
but couldn’t
i was always a good listener
even then
i felt like i owed him
so much
like kids from broken families do
so, when he told me he had a key to the place
and wanted us to go inside
i sat there in the passenger seat
and thought about it
i knew how much he loved me
but i couldn’t do it
i loved his wife, loved his kids
they were the perfect family
i respected that
a family is all i ever really wanted
so, i turned to him
and told him, “i’m sorry, but i can’t”
he nodded and told me he understood, that it was ok
and then he drove me home
and dropped me off
and drove away
i just stood there in my cheerleading uniform
staring up at the stars
feeling all alone
i knew i’d let him down
could see it in his eyes
we never spoke about it again
as if it never happened
but it did
‘cause i was never the same
after that
TL
“Pete’s Dragon”
a story
for anyone
who has ever
suffered
in such a way
TL
Repose
the lights
in the windows
seem to glow
warmer
from the street
you can imagine
what it’s like
inside
if there are flowers in a vase
candles on the table
a song to set the mood
white plates to see the food
and it’s raining outside
to make it that much better
inside
but you’ll need a reservation
for table number seven
way back in the corner
where nobody ever goes to sit
there aren’t any flowers there
no song
or candles or plates
just empty space
with a wall of glass
dusted in raindrops
to catch the light
the morning ray
the beams at night
and all the traffic lights
that stream on by
like diamonds on the drink
shimmering in the light
blinking in the sky
when it’s all dark outside
TL
Full Circle
my closet
is bigger
than the room
i grew up in
a room that
belonged to a boy
the other to his brother
it was never meant
for me
i always knew that
i remembered
a bigger room
with a hardwood floor
and it was upstairs
with a window
that overlooked the woods
and you could watch the snow fall
the leaves change color
and there was a pond nearby
that i’d skate on in the winter
it’s funny what you remember
what you can’t forget
a white two-story house
with a For Sale sign in the yard
getting on a plane
and leaving the only home i knew
looking for a house
in the Deep South
and she picked the one
near a family of four
a mom, a dad and two boys
none of us kids
knew what was happening
it happened so fast
one minute we’re moved into the house
next door
to the family of four
the next minute
they’re moving out
and we’re moving in
but the father stayed
a man i didn’t know
i already had a father, an adoptive father
he was up North selling the house
and then suddenly he was there
crying
i had never seen him cry before
but he was crying all the time
he went to court for custody
but lost
and one day, when i was 8, he sat me down
and told me he had to go away
and start his life all over
so, he left me
there
in a room
that was never meant
for me
and he never came back
but i never blamed him for that
‘cause i understood
he kept my pictures in a drawer
3 wallet-size laminated pictures
and when I saw those pictures in the drawer
after all those years
I knew he had never forgotten me
and when he died
I thought my life was over
I was so angry with God
hadn’t I done everything right
hadn’t I suffered enough
why would He take the one person
I loved the most
four years after he died
I got married
to a man my father would have loved
10 years after I married
we had a baby girl
had my father lived
I would have had a very different life
probably anchoring the news somewhere
in some big shot city
running here and there
ever searching for the life
I have right now
TL