The Secret to Happiness
it was
your birthday
not mine
but you gave me
a gift
then another one
that you knew
I’d love
spending some of the money
daddy gave you
to spend on yourself
you spent on me
I was so surprised …
I thought it was a joke
and as you watched me
open each one
with tears
I could see how happy you were
for me
TL
Retinol Rant
when ‘ya
go and buy a jar
of cream
for yo face
and apply it at nighttime
like the directions say
and you expect to see a difference
in those lines under yo eyes
but wake up blinking and thinking
whoa … wait a minute
what!
WHAT THE L
this wrinkle cream
was supposed to fade the lines
not indent them into the skin
and multiply ‘em by 10
OVERNIGHT
I mean
really
REALLY
that lady with the great skin
on the tube
lied
SHE LIED
that jar of retinol she’s been religiously using fer three years
mighta made her skin smooth and wrinkle-free
but all it did fer me
was sear my skin
with scraping fork tracks
plowed under my eyes
like tire tracks on the beach
after it rains
I literally looked better
before
BEFORE
TL
All the While
I sit
by water
and watch it wrinkle
over stone
no longer smooth
I am aging
too
TL
Belief
we met
in fifth grade
he had probably
been taught to be nice
to the kids who look lonely
and pathetic
i had been sitting on the bleachers
by myself
when he walked up to me
one day
and sat beside me
he was very confident
and easy to talk to
he made straight As
and was born and bred to bleed
Crimson
he knew nothing about me
or what i’d been through
by the time i met him
i had already experienced
so much trauma and heartache
and loss
4 years prior
i never told him any of that
he just saw the surface things
he would become my best friend
over the years
and the most influential person
i knew back then
he was a high achiever
with natural leadership abilities
and all of a sudden
here was this kid
with so much potential
believing in me
at a time when i had lost all belief
in anything good
i was held back in third grade
and again in fifth grade
not because i was stupid
but because a bitter divorce
would leave its scars
and a huge void
after my father moved away
leaving me in an emotionally abusive environment
fueled by domestic violence and alcohol
i felt like i had lost everything
the dream of having a family
was gone
i didn’t care about anything
anymore
especially school
but it takes just one person
to believe in you
to change your course
and that’s what he did for me
i went from Fs to As
i wanted to impress him
so, i rose to his level
or tried to
looking back
I realize
I expected way too much from him
expected him to fill all this emptiness and sorrow
inside me
when nobody can do that
for anybody
you gotta do that for yourself
a fifth grader just wants to fit in
and belong
and that’s what his friendship did for me
and I will always
be grateful
that somehow i met him
at such a critical time
in my life
when i needed stability
something to hold on to
he balanced out all the bad stuff
and made me believe
i could do anything
be anything
belief is
and always will be
a powerful thing
thank you
TL
The Blanket
I went back
for you
on the middle mile
‘cause I couldn’t leave you
there
and I’m sorry it took me
so long
to get to you
there was so much stuff
to sift through
and sort out
but I worked day and night
weekends and holidays
I kept at it
picking things up
and examining them
then putting them back down
before moving on
to the next piece
not all the pieces fit
together
and some were missing
never to be found
but there was enough there
to see you
sitting there
in the corner
right where I left you at
all those years ago
the sun illuminated
your shadow
and as I walked closer
grass appeared
where you were sitting
it was so green
and I never saw the sky so blue
wildflowers appeared
all over the place
and the wind picked up
moving me closer and closer
I saw the bridge
and I knew I had to cross it
to reach you
even though I was afraid
it was up so high
and stretched so far
I did not want to fall
I looked down
and just kept my eyes focused on my feet
and kept moving
forward
taking baby steps
and eventually
I reached where you were
and bent down
and picked you up
you were shaking
wet with tears
but I rocked you
and sang you a song
a blanket appeared
and I wrapped it snug around you
and held you all night long
it seemed like you needed me the most
at night
so, I stayed with you
every night
and rocked you
back and forth
humming
until your breathing
evened out
and I could feel your body
begin to relax
I watched you
close your eyes
and I watched you open them
the next day
and how you reached down
to touch the dirt
but felt the grass
and how you looked at me
with those same eyes
and said,
i knew you’d come back for me
i knew you would
someday …
and i knew you’d bring me
a blanket
TL
Oprah
you were
my mentor
through middle school
through high school
through college
through marriage
through motherhood
through aging
through the then
through the now
past and present
your voice
your words
your wisdom
have helped guide me
to a better understanding
of myself
of others
never more so
than now
with your long-standing work
beside Dr. Perry
realized in book form:
“What Happened to You?”
on the second page of Chapter 1
i had to put it down
as the words blurred away
into the sea
“From as early as I can remember,
I knew I was on my own.”
when you said this …
it was like you were speaking
directly to me
to the me no one knows
or sees
or understands
but in those simple words
i felt utterly understood
you know where i came from
and how hard it was
for this sensitive child
who found herself stuck in a storm
with no protection
the child played pretend
and put on a smile
and soldier on to school
acting as if she were young
when in fact she was an adult
in the body of a child
who had already learned
the hardest lessons
in life
while we’ve never spoken
a word
i know you know me
and i you
you were there in the room
with your calm and reassuring voice
telling me
child, it’s gonna be ok – you’re gonna be ok
from 1986 to present day
you are still telling me
child, it’s gonna be ok – you’re gonna be ok
i am
so grateful
you were given the gift
of communication
and how you gave that gift away
for free
to the pauper
to the prince
to the queen
to the servant
to the king
to the slave
to the child
to the adult
you were teaching master classes
all along
and i was sitting there in your great classroom
learning and learning and learning
i’m still learning
and learning and learning and learning
the greatest teachers teach
from a sacred place
that knows no boundary
in all the languages of the world
thank you
thank you
thank you
TL
92
years
where they go?
I hear you laugh and shake your head
and shrug your shoulders and simply say,
I don’t know … I really don’t …
but I wouldn’t change a thing
as you look at the pictures
in your mind
a beautiful bride
there by your side
strong as steel
and five kids come along
bringing joy beyond measure
and after a time
the grandkids
come along
with their laughter
and tears
and after a time
the great-grandkids
come along
with their little songs
to sing
and lullabies
it was always a party
at your house
something to celebrate
think you showed us all
how to live
Happy Birthday to you, Papa
and many, many more …
TL
Thoughts
it’s a jumble
a tumble
a mumble
a fumble
a rumble
a bumble
a humble
TL
Elements
a solitaire
snowflake
floating in air
can land
so soft
and melt away
into the earth
as does a drop
of rain
gentle
into the soil
a breath of wind
can barely
be felt
against the face
on other days
the snow
can trap you in
side
the rain
can flood your street
your house
and the wind
can roar
your roof off
do damage
and then
it’s quiet
too quiet
as the storms
move across
to the other side
raging
somewhere
else
the sun
rises
warm
and slow
unless
it’s summer
in the south
it can be scorching hot
without protection
wear a hat
TL
Pennies in the Well
before there was
a place
to put the well
before there was
a spot
a space
a child made
and covered over
there were 7 rusty pennies
decades later
alone in the sand
she went digging
the excavation took
For
Ever
After
but one day
in the Month of March
with the wind on waves
she kneeled down
in the water
and found 3 pennies
the ones she wished on
at the fountain
when there was nothing
but sound
of them sinking
down
to the bottom
TL
It’s a Long Road …
to all
and you know who you are
you know exactly
i just wanna say,
thank you
i gave you all i had
the best of me
and you squandered it
totally
no, this ain’t no pity
party
been to those
and this ain’t one of ‘em
this is jest an admission
a pause
to say, i’m grateful
i wasn’t always grateful
you know
thought why me
why is this happening to me
but life teaches you
why not
you’re no better or no worse
terrible things happen
whether you’re good or bad
whether you had breaks or you didn’t
whether you won or lost
whether you get it or you don’t
things happen
you get run over
it’s the ugly side of life
how horrible it can be
i saw it
i heard it
i felt it
the alarm went off too early
before i had a chance
to wake up
i was still asleep
still dreaming
still light
but it was too loud
the alarm was too loud
it screamed a sickening sound
i never went back to bed
i stayed awake
all the time
but on the day
my daughter appeared
i slept
i dreamed
i felt light
finally
i under
stood
TL