Regret
it occurred
to me
just the other
day
that I’ve never
tried on
a wedding dress
never even thought about it
worried about it or wondered about it
but I was watching something on television …
where a young bride was trying on dresses for the first time
and how emotional it was for her when she found the one
she was crying, her mother was crying, her bridesmaids were crying
and I don’t know but in that moment I realized
I would never know what that felt like
to try on a wedding dress
to see yourself in the mirror
that little girl staring back
feeling like Cinderella for one magic moment
somehow, I’d put that dream away
20 some years ago
I had no use for a formal gown
in the 10 minutes it took
to say, “I do”
instead I chose
an off-white blazer and skirt
as if I were reporting the news
looking back
I’m not quite sure
why I did that
‘cause I coulda picked a dress
off the rack
a simple, flowy one
but didn’t do that
it’s not like we got married
at the courthouse
like my father-in-law insisted we do
a church ceremony was important to me
the preacher was important to me
I picked “Annie’s Song” by John Denver
and a bible passage: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
there was no wedding photographer
no roses everywhere
no father-of-the-bride
no bridesmaids
no honeymoon
nada
then just yesterday
I was scanning the news online
and saw a bride in a black dress
she had married her man in Maui
in a long black, lacey dress
with a wreath of leaves in her hair
he wore a suit with a black hat
they got married in a forest
the groom stood alone with his back to the bride
waiting
she walked along the path toward him
a solitary figure
and when she reached him
she wrapped her arms around him
and then she tapped him on the shoulder
and when he turned around
he was blown away by her beauty
they stood on a magic carpet
in the middle of the woods
with a smiling preacher man
the kiss was full of passion
the eyes were full of friendship
so, if I had a do-over
I’d go get married in Maui
in a long black, lacey dress
with a wreath of leaves in my hair
beneath the strongest trees
and though the moment’s long past for me
it’s there waiting for my daughter
can see myself in that bridal boutique
as she walks out of the dressing room
and stands there in front of the mirror
in her dress
twirling around like she did when she was little
but of course
knowing how life is
she’ll probably run off
and elope
(at least go to Maui)
TL