After That
didn’t date
in high school
didn’t hang
with the wild kids
i stuck with the nerds
‘cause i was a nerd, too
seven years i cheered
made captain senior year
crowned prom queen
when it shoulda went to the blonde
went to college on a scholarship
for leadership
“was a good kid”
never drank or did drugs
or anything else
and I can still hear the car running
parked there under the moon
he told me he had a key to the place
that nobody was home
and we could go inside
and be alone
i had never been with anyone
and he knew that
knew that “i was a good kid”
i had loved him like a father
he was so good to me
believed in me
took time with me
taught me how to drive a truck
made me laugh like nobody
he’d hug me and hold my hand
and tell me how beautiful i was
but then he’d tell me other things
how bad his marriage was
how he wanted to leave
but couldn’t
i was always a good listener
even then
i felt like i owed him
so much
like kids from broken families do
so, when he told me he had a key to the place
and wanted us to go inside
i sat there in the passenger seat
and thought about it
i knew how much he loved me
but i couldn’t do it
i loved his wife, loved his kids
they were the perfect family
i respected that
a family is all i ever really wanted
so, i turned to him
and told him, “i’m sorry, but i can’t”
he nodded and told me he understood, that it was ok
and then he drove me home
and dropped me off
and drove away
i just stood there in my cheerleading uniform
staring up at the stars
feeling all alone
i knew i’d let him down
could see it in his eyes
we never spoke about it again
as if it never happened
but it did
‘cause i was never the same
after that
TL