Granny
mourned you
the moment
we met
the first time
i heard you
laugh
and i knew
right then and there
i’d never laugh
like that
again
i knew i was
in trouble
‘cause i knew
i loved you
more
than i let myself
allow
and knowing this
full well
i fell back a bit
a time or two
to put some space
between us
so maybe then
i could survive
the day
the dreaded day
you’d go on
and fly away …
TL
Your Life
freedom is
in realizing
what you already have
within
was born at birth
and that was
more
than enough …
everything else
then
will be but
a bonus
TL
The Change of Time
clouds are moving
across the eye
it’ll rain soon
on a Sunday
in August
September
October
November
December
January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
the funeral was
what it was
i never left
beneath the shade
of an old magnolia
the snow fell
that year
a peek of pastel
beneath the leaves
mixed with tinsel
and tea
the spit of watermelon seeds
a trace of wheels in the dirt
the imprint of soles on grass
heavy now
the sound of sirens
in the distance
the crickets at night
the static of the TV
timer’s going off
phone’s ringing
the sliding doors opening
and closing
like the oven
dishes dropping in the sink
loading and unloading
the wash
and it’s Christmas already
Thanksgiving next week
the New Year nearly
then it’s Easter again
somebody’s birthday
the one in August
when the clocks fell back
an hour
less light
in a day
TL
Dear Granny,
Saturday
on the way
to that big box store
you loved to frequent
glimpsed a bunch of
stuff
to the right
on a street
lined with houses
and just like that
you were riding shotgun
telling me quick turn around
i told you – no – you know
that’s not a good idea
you laughed
and i cried
it was all of $30 bucks
for a small blue table
that i’d put on the porch
for a plant
and a child’s wooden chair
that was perfect for a puppet
and the basket had a lid
that could be used for a picnic
or storage
and the bag of paperbacks
i know jest who to give that
to
and the pink beaded earrings
were just because
like the sparkly pin
and the painting
you ended up riding along
to the store, too
Christmas in October
they got all the stuff out
already
i told you – no – you know
that’s not a good idea
you laughed
and i cried
a buggy later
we drove to
the craft store
and left with a Lemax
house
already decked out
for Christmas
a granny sitting in the window
waiting
for the little kids outside
to barrel through
the door
TL
Grief
the glass shine
of the water
shimmers in the night
a boat goes by
then it’s gone
the tracks cut the water
leaving a long trail
behind
TL
September
unmarred
by time
only love
TL
Empty
i sit
in my car
in the drive
way
and listen
to the wind
it’s September
the falling of leaves
and the drying of grass
and there’s no rush
to go inside
life will never be
the same
i fear i won’t
adjust
TL
In the Frame
i keep
searching
for a way
out
picking things up
and putting them down
rummaging through the mess
looking for a clue
the map is not on paper
life has a pattern to it
or does it
think you only get to know
so much
then it’s a
blur
the mind is a mystery
that holds the heart
…
she sketched the roses
and put them in a vase
and colored them red
and the stems green
and placed ‘em on a table
in a room with a window
where she colored the sunlight
yellow
the beams flooded the room
reaching out toward the roses
but she forgot to put water
in the vase
or did she
for water is clear
and the roses
after all these years
are as rosy red
as the day she thought them up
and put them on paper
and handed them over
for me to keep
and i can hear her now
laughing
and running around
“of course i put water in the vase …
can’t you see it – it’s right there”
i nod my head
yes
i can see it
now
TL
Time-less
i tell
my
self
i won’t be
sad
but been
this is different
than death
i know death
when dad died
it was sudden sorrow
that shatters you
in a second
when Granny the Great died
three Sundays ago
it was childlike sorrow
that changes the ground
you walk on
this is not like
that
this is sitting in sorrow
in a heightened sense
of loss
where time is
time-less
all the words
go back
into the alphabet
letters in a line
all the numbers
go back
to 1
there’s a voice
that talks
and a voice
that listens
taking it all in
in a heightened sense
of wonder
the bundled baby
is aware of the world
the world within a world
constantly changing form
a mirrored self
from this
to that
to else
when it rains
where does it go
you look up
then down
were it not for rain
where would we be
but a seed
asleep
that never knew
the sun
TL
Clouds
hung the clouds
high on the line
and wrung ‘em up tight
twisting
both day
and night
‘til the drops
no longer
fell to ground
and the wind
blew through
like whitecaps
over the blue
TL
Dorothy
she was
running through a field
of red poppies
but got really-really-really tired
somewhere
along the way
and had to stop
and catch her breath
and put her hand up
to her head
she turned to the Scarecrow
and told him
that she just needed to lie down
and rest
for a bit
she was just too sleepy
to go on
she called out for Toto
as she staggered
and fell
into the flowers
but the Scarecrow refused
to let her go
and give up
so easily
he kept pulling her along
for they had come
so far
been through so much
together
and they were nearly almost there
they could see Emerald City
shining like the sun
in the distance
the road of gold just ahead
they were so close
they could feel it
and yet so far
away
the Tinman began to cry
weeping loudly
as the Lion yawned
and agreed that a nap
sounded really good
right about now
the weeping Tinman yelled out for HELP
but the Scarecrow scolded
and told him it was useless
nobody would hear him
but then abruptly he changed his mind
and joined the Tinman
yelling out HELP HELP HELP
and from her magical-mystical-memory-place
Glinda the Good Witch heard
their cries
and gently waved her magic wand
and sent them snow
the Scarecrow was so thankful
thinking maybe it would help
and it did
Dorothy began to open her eyes
and slowly wake back up
Toto did, too
then the Lion stretched and yawned
and woke up
as the Tinman stood still stuck
in rust
when Dorothy saw that
she rushed on over to him
with the oil can
and fixed him up
good as new
they celebrated and cheered and laughed together
dancing round and round
then arm-in-arm
they skipped through the snow
in a field of red poppies
and touched down
upon the road of gold
Dorothy’s ruby-red-slippers
sparkled and shined and shown
as they made their way
to The-Great-All-Knowing-Wonderful-Wizard-of-Oz
who would grant them all
their heartfelt-bottom-of-the-well-wishes
and then some
for as they say
all along
the broken brick road …
There’s No Place
Like Home
TL
Emerald City
at the breath
of birth
it draws its last
in sleep
what dreams
in infancy
the essence
of infinity
heavy roses
in the rain
dried between the pages
of a well-worn book
yellow paint on a brick road
it’s snowing
in a field of red poppies
there Dorothy lies
asleep
her beauty preserved
beneath the globe
of snow
a twist and turn of the dial
winds back the clock
as the music plays
its lilting lullaby
a field of red poppies
swaying in the wind
TL
(written for Granny August 10, 2024)
The Color of Clouds
it’s morning
before the sun
the mist creeps along
quietlike
mindful of the water
it disappears
like a cloud
like smoke
long gone
it’s early July
watched the fireworks
up in the sky
without watching them
you’re in the bed
unable to move
nothing but smoke
now
is this how it ends
after 88 summers
in the sun
i don’t understand
a thing about anything
anymore
TL
Not Done
one
thing
at
a
time
that’s what
i keep telling myself
one
thing
at
a
time
the-year-long-exhausting-heartbreak-process
of selling a business
done
14 years of her schooling
done
a place by the water
done
his hernia surgery
(that we keep putting off)
not done
finding her a safe place to live
not done
coming to terms with her leaving
not done
coming to terms with Granny’s rapid decline
not done
what to do with the house
sell it
keep it
renovate it
rent it
sell it
keep it
build again
buy new
what to do …
yeah, so not done
figuring out the next chapter
of our lives
not done
but yesterday
a small change
went and saw
that Chandu Champion movie been wanting to see
since the trailer
but kept putting it off
and almost didn’t make it
yesterday
was gonna put it off
but decided last minute
to make it a priority
such a small thing
and yet it wasn’t
such a powerful true story
about the human spirit
like all the great sports movies
that were ever made
it wasn’t about the sport
at all
it was about the heart
you gotta have
you gotta have a Lion’s heart
when darkness descends
and it’s hard to find your way
out
want them to go see it
today or tomorrow
‘cause Friday it’s gone
and it’s not the same
on a tube
gotta see it the way it was intended
but talking them into going
will be a hard sell
‘cause it’s not in English
based in India with subtitles
and there’s a singing part they could have left off
but other than that
well worth it
they need to go see it
today
and not put it off
such a small thing
but it’s not …
Not Done
TL
Microchip
he built
the board
from a fragment
layer upon layer upon layer
like a bricklayer
‘til it rose
like a tower
casting a big shadow
on his life
he kept his head down
micro meticulous
he never stopped
long enough
to enjoy the view
from the top of the tower
he only saw
the Work
he would not
he could not
rest
whether a mountain trail
or an ocean view
at night in his recliner
or on his side of the bed
his mind
was still micro
like a winding clock
that would not stop turning
he took every call
checked every email
responded to every text
it was automatic
and timely
he liked being the man
who could fix all the problems
in a tech world
a troubleshooter
who could walk into any building
and lay out a plan
that would light up all the circuits
and have the place humming
in no time
he could remember every password
every code
every module
he spoke a language
encoded
in numbers
flying over the keys
call after call after call
he grew weary
over time
with worry
simple solutions
became more and more complex
within the distance
between his two ears
no matter how successful
he became
it was never
enough
he woke up one day
and decided to put his tower
on the auction block
he’d had enough
and sold it to the highest bidder
but things didn’t go
quite to plan
his tower was supposed
to stand
without him
there
he had set it up
to do just that
but it crumbled
under new ownership
right in front of his face
and there was nothing
he could do about it
but watch it
F
A
L
L
into a cloud of dust
it killed him
all the work
all the sacrifice
all the years of building
something
from nothing
g o n e
the micro in his mind
blinked
on and off
wracked with guilt
he won’t give himself a break
his view different now
he can see things
he couldn’t see then
like divorce does
it gives you perspective
he feels lost
in regret
and memory
there’s nothing to say
that hasn’t been said
each being has to find
their own way
back to themselves
it’s a different type of work
required
a different lens
a different approach
a different way
of being
some people refuse
to do the work
within
and nothing changes
for them
and they stay
as they are
‘til the day
they die
but some people
find a way
within
and continue
to grow
like a garden
well-tended
no matter the season
or the soil
“when you leave something behind …
you gain something, too …” – from the movie: Past Lives
TL
(written June 13, 2024, in my jeep at the park)
Damsel
she was sold
for gold
a daughter of duty
she obeyed the command
to marry a prince
in a faraway land
she’d made up her mind
to sacrifice herself
for the sake of her family
but had no idea
what was about to happen to her
she’s thrown into circumstances
way beyond anything
she could have ever imagined
the shock alone should have killed her
in deep despair
she finds herself
completely and utterly alone
there is no prince
coming to save her
her beauty is of no consequence
in this depth
she has to master her mind
and find the things within
that are essential
to survival
she could not change
being abandoned
but she could change
abandoning herself
TL
Blue Birds Fly
time
is a strange bird
it lands on a limb
and sits there
gauging the wind
the height has to be right
the limb sturdy and strong
the leaves enough
to cover
there’s a lot to consider
before she makes
a nest
after all
eggs are fragile
shells
even in the best of conditions
they break
the bird knows this
but is undeterred
it has seen it
all
on the ground
and in the air
over water
and rainbows
in the quiet mist
of morning
and the quiet dark
of night
in the drumbeat days
and dizzy dance
the seasonal change
this bird knows
what it is
to be cold
and alone
to not know home
in a mortal sense
it only knows
it is alive
and though it is cold
it knows the sun
though it is wet with rain
it knows the clouds
how they change
like the earth
it is never just Spring
so it is happy then
there on the limb
with the buds beneath its feet
soon it will be full
no longer bare
the bird is busy now
building its nest
after gathering the twigs
and twine
she’ll rest
until her eggs break free
then she’ll be off again
finding food
the bird is busy now
the nest is full
filled with song
but not for long
if she does her job
well enough
the nest will be
what it was
the seasonal change
takes course
and birds will lift and land
on limbs
gauging the wind
TL
Departure
it’s late
I hear
footsteps
not pitter-patter
the light
turns on
in the hall
and the door closes
masking the light
and I hear
the click of the lock
and the water
starts hammering out
‘til it gets hot
then the sound of rain
falling
and I lie there
wondering how
I’m gonna make it
through
I can imagine
the silence
the endless silence
as the years stretch forth
been looking at places
with bathrooms
that aren’t down the hall
but across town
it could be worse
she could go
out-of-state
like Boston
or New York
and she still might
but lately
she’s been talking
‘bout sticking around
and maybe going to college
here
so long as
she can move out
and just like that
it goes from pitter-patter
to the rush of steps
out the door
I don’t think she understands
quite
how could she
at 17
she says she knows exactly
what kind of kitchen
she wants
and what kind of bathroom
she wants
I look at the pictures
she shows me
and nod my head
agreeing how nice …
but I lie
in bed
late at night
waiting for the light
to come on
in the hall
and the sound of water
falling
like rain
TL
Umbrella
I give her
umbrellas
but she never uses
any of them
she asked me
one day
when she was little
why do you use them
when you say you love
the rain
why do you use an umbrella
if you say you love
the rain
TL
Sad Bell Pepper
wasted it
when stood there
in produce
picking it out
a glossy smooth
unblemished
apple-like
red one
but left it
on the counter
and forgot about it
for a day
or two
then a week
went by
and another
this morning
I noticed it
how much it’d changed
no longer smooth
and glossy
still red
but a wrinkled-red
softer now
smaller than it was
I picked it up
and turned it over
remembering
how it was
in produce
I took it
to the sink
and held it
under the faucet
shook it
and put it
on a plate
and cut it up
shrugged
and ate it
and it was still
good
no crunch
but it had
a bite
TL