Life and Death
for some
reason
beyond reasoning
I had this idea
this unspoken idea
that I carried around
through grade school
through high school
through that Freshman year
that somehow
he held all the answers
that if I could just sit down
with him
face-to-face
with my questions
I’d be all right
I’d be able to go on with my life
move past it
like a force
a gravitational force
pulling at me
across the map
into one frame
and I remember feeling
so clear about it
like it wasn’t a choice
I had to go
I didn’t have to come back
but I had to go
I had to know
I had to ask
I had to try
to get something back
that had been taken from me
but he died
at the end of the day
before I could
ask
or try
I got to know
though
accepting this
would take two decades
marriage and motherhood
to understand
I am
the way I am
TL