The Walk
when
i got on that plane
in September
of ‘93
to finally
be reunited
with my Dad
after all those years
i had thought
it would magically
fix everything
and wash away
the past
and i would be
free of it
but i never considered
death
would come calling
in six months
my number one relationship
was with God
and He knew how much
i loved you
He knew
‘cause you were always in my prayers
and i was always praying
so when He took you
from me
that quick
i felt …
betrayed
i felt angry
i felt lost
i felt empty
i felt hopeless
buried in deep dark pain
after the funeral
i stopped going to church
not that i ever believed you had to go
to church
in order to believe in God
i’ve always believed
the Kingdom of Heaven is within
and no one knows your heart
but you
and your Creator
i don’t believe in the judgment of man
and i gotta say
churchgoers – by and large
are maybe the most judgmental
beings on earth
and i have never understood
that
but i don’t understand a lot of things
i remember thinking
God is a jealous God
He wants no one to come before Him
and how i had put my Dad above Him
and this was the price
paid
i was 20 at the time
(or somewhere close to that since i don’t know exactly how old i really am)
i had just completed my Freshman year of college
and could not stop thinking about going to see my Dad
it was like something was pulling me toward him
i’m grateful i was there with him
i’m grateful i had those six months with him
i’m grateful for the time …
time is unmeasurable
my Dad died at 50
i’ve lived longer than my Dad
i feel like he never left me
and it’s been 32 years
so much has changed
and yet so much remains
we walked together when i was small
and we walked together when i was big
and when i took a walk yesterday in the park
we were walking together still
like no time had passed
Thank You
TL