Author: Tamiko Lowery

You Love What You Love

there’s a blue

pond

on the wall

the watercolor

has bled

out to the edge

of the paper

like the other

side

of the ocean

not sure where

it went

but i like to think

it’s ever … flowing

for small hands

made it

so …

TL

Over the Rainbow

at the end

of May

we brought her home

wrapped up

like a tight burrito

with the moon in our eyes

the sun high

nothing but blue skies

gently

we put her in the backseat

me beside her

and drove 35mph

over Second Avenue bridge

i saw nothing

but her

as we went along

down the road

rounding the corner

the bend

down the driveway

through the door

now … 15 years later

i sit in the backseat

alone

and i see nothing

but her

as she hops up

into her Daddy’s truck

adjusts the seat

the wheel

checks the mirror

and drives us

carefully

out the driveway

down the street

around the corner

the bend

over Second Avenue bridge

all the way down

the road

straight to Panama

outside the sun shone

bright and beautiful

nothing but blue skies

gentle breeze

inside it rained

in the ray

quiet drops

that slipped to sea

rolling into waves

rushing over sand

and shell

splashing seagulls

and holding up boats

overhead a rainbow

appeared on paper

an empty box of crayons

on the floor

every color was used

TL

Dear Dad,

at the edge

of foam

looking out

to sea

your silver boat

no longer gleams

your plastic face

fell off

long ago

never knew nothing

harder

than watching you

disappear

still stopped by silver hair

i just stand and stare

but it’s never you

could of sworn it was

but it never is

i walk away

pushing your boat

back out

i go find something

to eat

something to drink

a bed to sleep

and i wake up

again

in the quiet

wish i’d recorded

your laugh

so i could play it back

when things get

off track

and i can’t seem

to see

what i need to see

photos lie

anybody can smile

for a second

the joy of being

with someone you truly love

is a circle

without numbers

without seconds without minutes

without hours

there is no yesterday

no today

no tomorrow

the past, the present, the future

matters not

not on this watch

this clock

there is no start

no stop

it just is

TL

Just Be

when things

drop away

what’s left

in each life

there is a shedding

of sorts

whether it’s intentional

or unintentional

we shed

i truly believe

a 3-year-old child

already knows

the secret to life

and all we do

is try …

to get back

to that

that knowing

that unknowing

that place

that is truly free

and pure

and sacred

within thy self

to clear away

the unnecessary

things

that keep us stuck

is necessary

to see the reflection

clearly

the sea before the sun

is like that

there is a constant

way

in which it moves

that fills the eye

with the same scene

of centuries past

the water ripples

across

reaching forth

and retreating back

flowing continuously

like music

like wind

the sea is a symphony

a song within a song

and when you’re 3

you carry the sea

with you

at all times

no matter where

you go

or who

you’re with

everything flows

effortlessly

TL

Written Words

“Injustice any

where

is a threat

to justice

every

where.

We are caught

in an

inescapable network

of mutuality,

tied in a single

garment of destiny.

What

ever affects 1

directly,

affects A11

indirectly.”

MLK

Confetti in the Rain

you bought

the works

but I missed

your show

stayed at home

kneading pizza dough

the ball dropped

where in New York City

wouldn’t know

missed the count

closed my eyes

and opened ‘em

on 22

blew out the candles

and said adieu

but Peter Pan says NO

don’t ever say goodbye

never say goodbye

‘cause goodbye

means going away

and going away means

forgetting

lest I forget

all of it

all the good

all the bad

all the happy

all the sad

it’s yours

and it’s mine

we in the world

know it

too well

can’t have the candle

without the cake

else we’d never know

the difference

between a summer’s day

and a winter’s night

ice cubes melting

in the mug

I wonder where

time goes

when it’s not with me

where does it go

when it quietly leaves

the room

and goes off

the clock

I’d like it back

you know

all the time

I wasted

on worry

what I would of done

had I known

you only get that one

summer in the sun

before it turns

January 1

TL

Beneath the Stone

when the sky

was blue

it was a wing

that lifted me

off

way away

and i saw myself

from a great distance

radiating

like a diamond

dripping in the sea

that changes form

depending on the direction

of the light

too many diamonds

drown

i can see that

now

they fell

when no one

was around

the ink well

spilled

and made a mess

all over blue

it was as if

there was no day

no new day

all brand new

the pitch had

become

the day and the night

a clock that stopped

ticking

but way away

far from fear

the sky was blue

the clouds a puffy white

the wind a whisper

like a melody

and there i slept

for all my days

and all my nights

playing in the rain

walls of rain

that kept me safe

and sound

I still open the door

when it rains

so I can hear it better

and feel it

f

a

l

l

to the ground

deep down

into the ground

the dark cold

hard ground

where the sky

is always blue

and the sea

the endless sea

shimmers in the light

weightless diamonds

floating up

blinking and winking

like a star

on Christmas

TL

Charlie Woods

at 12

his dad

taught him

a great lesson

in endurance

that no matter what

happens or doesn’t happen

you adapt, you adjust

and you overcome

TL

In Repose

i sit

very still

and quiet

at the edge

of the sea

as it says

what it says

to me

i wonder

when it ever rests

maybe

on the other end

it’s as still

and as quiet

as me

waiting

for the sun

to rise

and sighing

as it

falls

beneath

there’s so much

going on

so much

i don’t see

or understand

or know

i feel like

a grain of sand

a drop of wave

picked up

and carried

and tossed around

then set me back

down

only to return

and retreat

in a rhythmic

and continuous

flow of time

a grain

is but a part

of something

more

something

infinitely more

as it travels so far

through time

and space

long nights

and dark days

in the crevice of a shell

tumbling and tumbling and tumbling

before it rests

in a bubble

of rain

and dries

in the breath

of a butterfly

and gets lifted

and carried off

in the careful hands

of a child

who will know

just what to do

TL

American Underdog

my dad

was big

on sports

he loved it all

I can see him now

jumping around

in his red pajamas

yelling at the TV

Go! Go! Go! Go!

jabbing the remote in the air

he’d get all worked up

over a touchdown

and laugh like a little kid

if it turned out

he didn’t miss a detail

or a call

or a play

or a look

he was all in

knew the stats

the style of the coaches

their history

how they recruit

think he loved the heart

you gotta have

to play full-out

other than sports

he was big

on movies

he’d read every single

credit line

rolling

and listen to the very

last note

to the ending song

and think about the story

long afterwards

if he was alive

on Christmas Day

Dec. 25, 2021,

he’d be sitting in the theatre

with a big tub of popcorn

a super-size drink

a bunch of candy (he smuggled in)

and a grin from ear-to-ear

barely able to contain

his excitement

over this new movie

he’s been dying to see

save me a seat, Dad

I’ll be there

soon as I can get away

don’t eat all the sno-caps!

TL

Christmas Lights

a night

of tiny stars

dropped down

and rested

on the windshield

glittering in the glow

Christmas all around

snow globes in every drop

catch the color

and spin round and round

like a blur

stars stuck on the shield

twinkle like a song

a streak across the glass

amidst so many drops

like a shooting star

before it blinks

TL

In the Kingdom

i can’t

re

member

a time

when i wasn’t

living in fear

it is so much

a part

of who i am

that i cannot

imagine

a life

without it

i have been shaped

by fear

from the moment

i was left

to the moment

he left

to the moment

she left

to the moment

i realized

i was

truly and utterly

a l o n e

no human form

i could go to

and tell

what was happening

in my small life

i lived in constant fear

and got good

at hiding my self

within my self

in order to survive

experiencing a death

so sudden

would further shape

my fear

i would always

be afraid

to love anybody

ever again

that awfully much

for it can break you

up

and leave you in

too many pieces

to pick up

and no matter how old

you get

you’ll spend the rest of your life

looking

searching …

for some speck

of who you were

before being

blown away …

i feel i’ve found

more than a speck

more than a piece

but whole sheets

page after page

of sheet music

blowing in the wind

that sings from the sea

and reaches

back

way back

to the part of me

that still believes

in fairy tales

and happily-ever-after

The End

TL

Never Giving Up

i suppose

to the outward eye

i’m just out there

hitting golf balls

in the early morning

light

day after day

chipping

and pitching

and putting

in the heat

in the wind

in the rain

in the cold

taught myself

the short game

without a lesson

pros tried to teach me

irons and driver

but it didn’t stick

still struggle on the range

but the short game

is all mine

and somewhere

out there

in the repetition

and rhythm

and feeling

blisters and Band-Aids

i found

myself

once more

TL

Come What May

it’s night

it’s cold

it’s been

one

of the worst

days

of my life

but not the

worst

no, not nearly

lived through

way worse

than this

small

insignificant

thing

that had me

crying in the car

for hours

it ain’t easy

being

a woman

I’m going through

“the change”

a month in

and it’s been

an adjustment

I’ve never been

a sweater –

someone who sweats

I can workout hard

and not break a sweat

but now

all of a sudden

like overnight

like a blink

I sweat

for no reason

at all

it’s like a flush of heat

washes over you

and you become hot

so you crank the air up

or kick the covers off

or roll your face with ice

but you don’t stay hot

10 minutes later

you’re cold

so you put the seat warmer on

and pull the covers up

and feel your face

but you don’t stay

cold

10 minutes later

you’re hot

my hormones are

way out of whack

my emotions are

hot and cold

you feel tired

but can’t sleep

you forget

what

you were

just about to say

then realize

it don’t matter

anyway

nobody’s listening

nobody cares

they got their own

problems

so after one

of the worst days

where you jest wanna crawl in the bed

and go to sleep

the day’s not done

yet

there’s chauffer duty

there’s waiting

you do a lot of waiting around

when you’re a parent

of a teen

who needs a ride

to this, that and the other

so it’s night

and it’s cold

and it’s been

a long day

and I’m sitting there

in my car

with the seat warmer on

and the AC blasting

and I close my eyes

and I just wanna go to sleep

I’m emotionally drained

but I open my eyes

‘cause I can’t fall asleep

in my car

and in the corner of my eye

I see movement

it’s a cat

a beautiful colorful cat

that just appeared

next to me

I roll the window down

and speak to it

but it doesn’t understand

me

so I get out of the car

and course

that spooks him

and he disappears into the bushes

I look for food in my car

something to give him

but I only find water

so I go over to the empty can

of food

that somebody left him

and fill it with water

he was thirsty

then I go to a nearby chicken place

and get him some nuggets

and another cat suddenly appears

and at first

they’re not that hungry

‘cause they’ve already been fed

but as time passes

they drink all the water

and eat all the chicken

they’ve had two meals

today

and now sit on the sidewalk

content

their circumstances are dire

they live in a gutter

and hide in bushes

with traffic circling them

day and night

constantly afraid

and yet

they are content

with their little lives

‘cause they have each other

and that’s all

that really ever matters

in the end

it could have been

way worse for them

they could have tried

to survive

on their own

all  a l o n e

TL

Behind the Door

she saw

the dust

swimming

in the ray

of a closed

window

and thought

she heard it fall

as it touched

the floor

where a trace

of footsteps

left a sole

behind

the dust settled

on well-loved

Blue

and the bottom

of teacups

and bathtubs

wrappers of crayons

and crust

half-eaten lollipops

and spilled milk

wet mittens

and socks

turned pages

and magic tricks

leaves and sticks

and every rock in the river

brown boxes

that were never boxes

but boats

stars stuck on the wall

wake up at night

the cat didn’t have a home

neither the dogs

the birds, the rabbits, the hamsters, the fish, the gecko

the squirrel

minnows, frogs, fireflies, butterflies, inch worms

a white moth

a brown moth

a ladybug

a beetle

a bee

a lizard

broken wings

and tired deer

raccoons

and a fox that was

jest too fast

like that hummingbird

magic was

in the air

in every breath

it whirled and twirled

and rumbled and ran

it zigged and zagged

and crawled and stood

and pirouetted

and glided and spun

and drifted

quietly

across the floor

winking and blinking

out the door

leaving a trail

a hidden path

an opening

in a field

of wheat

a forest

of snow

an ocean

of sand

a mountain

of mist

a meadow

of orchards

red apples

and emerald cities

“follow, follow, follow, follow, follow

the yellow brick road …”

TL

The Spirit of Christmas

he always

always

brought me

a tin of chocolates

at Christmastime

that he’d meticulously

made

he loved to watch my reaction

on that first bite

making sure they were jest as good

as last year

after some persuasion

he gave up the recipe

and one day

I made some

and followed his instructions to a T

course they didn’t turn out

quite like his did

the taste was off

and I called him and told him that

he jest laughed as if he knew a secret

his chocolates had a certain quality

and over time, he had perfected the taste

and texture

whipping up batch after batch

in his country kitchen

he made so many happy

with his kindness and grace

at the last get-together at my house

over the summer

I was able to tell him

how much his chocolates meant to me

standing there in front of the refrigerator

I told him how those chocolates of his

helped get me through some tough times

how I’d stand there at the refrigerator

in the middle of the night

when I couldn’t sleep …

soothed by chocolate

thank you, Joe Frank, … I’ll miss you …

especially at Christmas – always, always at Christmas

(March 16, 1939 – October 27, 2021)

TL

Mountain’s Morning

a still

harmony

through sharp

fog

vast views

of paused waves

the shy gleam

of silver peaks

intense clouds

tangling the sky

quiet chaos

of roaring streams

red and yellow

carpet the floor

another leaf

delicately lands

with canopy’s

of evergreen walls

the morning dew

still forming

on blades of grass

(written in Mr. Sprouse’s English class

by one of his 8^th grade students)

A Drop of Reflection

she doesn’t

know it

or maybe she does

she’s more sensitive

than she shows

feeling things deeper

than she lets on

so maybe she does know

known all along

that she’s given me

a second chance

in life

a-sort-of-do-over-type-thing

where I get to experience

growing up again

the way i wished it’d been

through her eyes

I can see

what i needed the most

what i wanted the most

as her mother

as her friend

I am able to give her

all the things

i didn’t have

the material things

are ornamental at best

it’s the intangible things

that give us both

the key

I try not to take

any of it

for granted

her being here

just her being here

in the world

it is a miracle

beyond my grasp

beyond my comprehension

beyond my level of understanding

she is the ray

of light

that i reached for

in the dark

on the darkest of nights

and then the morning after

in the stillness

the repressed stillness

of unshed tears

i searched the sky

the clouds

and felt the rain

drop down

and the wind

pick up

in that lilt and lifting way

it does

steering a gull

across the shore

TL

September

i still

don’t have

any answers

to the questions

i have

and you’d think

by now

i’d be ok

with that

but it’s like there’s

no closure

to the questions

that never get answered

the journalist in me

wants to know the why

the person in me

just needs peace

and i can’t get that

down the street

or over the tracks

or at the edge of the ocean

or at the foot of the mountain

or standing at your door

and maybe it’s September

and for some reason

this month is hard

been hard since that letter

showed up (years ago) in September

and how i didn’t wanna open it

even touch it

how even when i did

finally

it didn’t tell me nothing

i needed to know

some of it was in typed English

the rest i couldn’t read

but i saw the blanks

all the blanks

all the empty space

where nothing was said

at all

__________________________

but what i could read

told me

what i had believed

all along

wasn’t even true

a birthday that wasn’t even mine

a name that wasn’t even me

all i know

all i’ll ever know

is somebody from somewhere

left me

there

at that police station

long ago

just me

with nothing else

no identity

no note

no trace

so, the letter told me

i’d never know

when i was born

how old i really was

or my name at birth

they issued those things

at the orphanage

they just picked a month, a day, a year

out of thin air

poof

and then a name

was assigned

a stamp put on paper

a sticker on the page

a number of identification

stuck on file

like a sticker on a Tshirt

that i exist

somewhere in the world

i knew only two words in Korean

that i would say

over and over again

one meant dad

the other meant grandma

why i’m thinking about this

now

at 5 in the morning

is beyond me

i mean it’s not like i think about these things

all the time or anything

or maybe i do

or maybe it’s September

that’s a hard month

it just is

i don’t know

i really don’t

i just don’t

know

TL

In Downtown

there are three

clocks on the wall

telling different

times

the rain

heavy now

every window’s

hiring

umbrellas over

empty chairs

finally a cappuccino

worth sipping

she’s gone

and grown

up …

her manicured nail

tap tapping on the wheel

her hair waving wild

in the wind

I can’t keep up … with the pace

close my eyes

remembering the room

the monitor

the bright light

the moment when

I first heard her heart

Boo

ming

Boo

ming

Boo

ming

TL