Life Lessons
despite
my circumstances
growing up
i did not dwell
or feel sorry
for myself
it’s almost like
i chose to live
an inward life
or maybe i didn’t choose
maybe it was just a natural instinct
i don’t know
i just remember
always looking at the bright side
of dark things
whether it was in people
or in circumstances
or in situations
when you’re young
i think you’re more resilient
in a way that is different
from an adult
during the pandemic
as a grown adult
I actually felt
sorry for myself
which was not me
not my nature
but all of a sudden
I could feel this hatred
radiating from strangers
wherever I went
wherever I’d go
it got to the point
where I did not want to leave the house
not from fear of getting sick
but from what people thought of me
at a glance
this is when I first met Amazon
and had groceries delivered to my door
I’d lie awake in tears
hiding my pain
it hurt so much
it still does
but knowing what to expect
helps
the first few times
I was unprepared for the pain
it is better to know
what you’re dealing with
from the get-go
I thought I was stronger
than that
had been through enough
stuff
but to walk through a parking lot
and into a grocery store
any store
and be openly hated
and avoided
and blamed
for being Asian in America
was something I had never fully felt
before
the hate was hidden before
but no more
I’ve always known that if there was a war
between the US and an Asian country
what to expect
but the pandemic
caught me off-guard
hatred is a learned thing
from generation to generation
but so is love
TL