Ink in the Blood Posts

The Color of the Sky

it started

quite literally

in pre-school

from then on

out

there was never not

a boy

in the picture

brains and beauty

and loves to laugh

it was

and is

an irresistible combination

she has had a hard time

owning her beauty

but not her brains

not her humor

at 17

she knows who she

is

and who she

isn’t

knows what she wants

and what she doesn’t

she’ll keep ‘ya on your toes

for sure

she was raised

with intention

to always think

for herself

looking back

I realize I worried about

all the wrong things

she’s gonna be ok

I cannot imagine her

not here at HOME

she can

but I can’t

they say it’s a blink

and it is

you wake up

and wonder

was it all a dream

then reality

sets in

thinking and knowing

are two different

things

I’ve thought about

this part

for a long time

but knowing it

is real

and real is

feeling it

in full

TL

Chapter 50

was driving

in the dark

in a daze

and didn’t even

realize

my lights

weren’t on

‘til I saw blue lights

in the mirror

and a kind face

at my window

wasn’t the speed

or the seatbelt

so I’m looking at him

confused

dazed and confused

and he tells me my lights

weren’t on

and sure enough

the knob was not on auto

and I’m thinking how can that be

and how could I not even notice

that

musta just happened

through the takeout window

2 bags of regret

maybe 1 of ‘em accidently turned

the knob

I don’t know but

the officer was nice about it

and said I probably didn’t notice

‘cause of all the street lights and all

and how he just wanted me to drive safe

and no accident

he bid me good night

I thanked him and said the same

and thought to myself

if he only knew

the day I’ve just had

he’d understand

why

lights or no lights

was the last thing

on my mind

I’d like to sit by the sea

and listen to the waves

and watch the sun come up

and go back down

and pretend life is

easy and breezy

and just begun

TL

Minimize

been a year

treading water

trying to find traction

but it feels like a pool

not the ocean

TL

Toby Keith

“don’t let

the old man

in

i wanna live me

some more

can’t leave it up

to him

he’s knocking

on my door

and i knew

all of my life

that someday

it would end

get up

and go

outside

don’t let

the old man

in

many moons

i have lived

my body’s weathered

and worn

ask yourself

how old would you be

if you didn’t know

the day you were born

try to love

on your wife

and stay close

to your friends

toast each sundown

with wine

don’t let

the old man

in

many moons

i have lived

my body’s weathered

and worn

ask yourself

how old would you be

if you didn’t know

the day you were born

when he rides up

on his horse

and you feel

that cold bitter wind

look out your window

and smile

don’t let

the old man

in

look out your window

and smile

don’t let

the old man

in”

Senior Year

she looks

at me

and says

why not

then a war

of words

ensues

the teenage years

are not

for the weary

weak

of heart

it’s like

you die

in the desert

slowly

and nobody’s

coming

to rescue you

but the death

is on the inside

it’s internal

on the outside

you’re walking around

and talking

and driving to the grocery

store

stopping at the light

and looking around

and listening to a song

and watching

a bird

and hanging electric lines

and shadows on the street

and the light changes

and you move through it

and walk in the gym

and stare at the bag

for a small eternity

then chop it in-half

for a fragment

and put it back

gather your stuff

and yourself

and walk out the gym

and get in the car

and sit in the silence

for an untimely time

this is hard …

you say to yourself

much harder than you thought

it’d be

and you knew

it’d be hard

emotional stuff

always is

it’s like Joni Mitchell

at the Grammys

tapping her cane

in the final Act

“i really don’t know …

l i f e …

at all …“

TL

Remains

the sun

the same

day in

day out

millions of years

above

land

and sea

it creeps up

then down

as constant

as a clock

as unchanged

as death

TL

Fisherman

he grew up

around water

his uncle pushed him

in

and that’s how he learned

how to swim

he almost drowned once

but an uncle-in-law jumped

in

water taught him

basic lessons

a boy should know

his father

his grandfathers

his uncles

and his brother

made sure of that

he drove a boat

long before he drove

trucks and tractors

he spent his summers

fishing off the bow

trolling along the edges

at the crack of dawn

catch and release

that’s what a lot of fishing

is about

catching and releasing

when you’re a boy

it’s all about the FISH

catching a fish

when you’re a teenager

it’s all about how many fish

you can catch

when you’re a man

it’s all about

catching and releasing

a fish

when you’re an old man

it’s all about

releasing

a fish

and watching it swim

a w a y

the sound of water

is essential

to the mind and its memory

an old man

laid up in the bed

can close his eyes

and hear the water lapping …

thumping against

the sides of the boat

and drift off

to sleep

trolling along

the edge

TL

Inner Spring

when

the green is

dry

like it never knew

the rain

or the weight

of ice

stretched tight

against the grain

it’s like

a storm

that never was

like it was never not

Spring

and people played

not

for cash

or metal

or autograph

but for the feel

the sound

the flow

the ebb and flow

of the greens

what it gives

what it takes

what it requires

in return

TL

Gray Days

a clenched fist

clenched jaw

clenched stare

out into the middle

of no

where

everything’s a fight

does life get

better

or worse

both

the clouds cover

the sun

the blue covers

the clouds

the rain covers

the blue

it’s never jest

one way

or the other

too many leaves

on the ground

too many petals

gone

a line of ants

duplicate

replicate

regenerate

it’s a constant thing

are you in

or you out

a poker face now

rap’s on the radio

a bird lands

at the edge

of a puddle

steps in

and bathes

wet feathers

in the rain

daffodils are just

beneath the surface

breaking ground

does the mirror show

the damage

does the clock

tell the time

did anyone change

the batteries

in the remote

if you didn’t make the mess

would you clean it up

anyways

or think someone else

would

or will

what if

they won’t

what if

they don’t

what if they

did

what if they

do

TL

(written in my car Jan. 24, 2024)

Roses in the Snow

there’s a soft glow

of light

just outside her door

it stayed lit

while she was away

growing brighter

by the day

ever bright

at her return

and the birds and squirrels

all know

it was not an easy go

so the birds sing a little louder

and the squirrels play a little longer

and there’s a hummingbird

vibrating just outside her window

he peeks in

for a millisecond

stopping time

but nobody ever sees him

but her

he’s waiting

for Spring

and his feeder

to be filled

to the rim

TL

Christmas Tree

golden leaves

awash in the sun

cling to the branch

of this bare tree

parked in front of me

these four bright bulbs

strung in a line

all lit up

at Christmastime

I stare at these leaves

that refuse to fall

in the dead of winter

they’ll be green in the Spring

when the tree bears buds

and begins again

birds will land and leave

and someone else

in another time

and place

will stare at this tree

full of leaves

and in the winter

of their life

the tree will be bare

blurred in the rain

lost in the wind

save for the branch

all lit up in lights

at Christmastime

TL

Across the Sea

on the ocean

so clear

drop the lights

there

bulbs that twinkle

day and night

no need for a tree

it should stand in the dirt

not the sea

no need for a gift

the day you were born

was more

than a wish

more than

a cave of stars

a heart can break

from too much pain

or too much joy

those are the moments

that move

like clouds

after rain

the peek of the sun

shining through

finding the sea

the wave

drop the lights

there

TL

Rocky

last night

I saw the real

Rocky

he was just

a little kid

sitting there

telling his story

his life story

he just wanted

what all little boys want

and need …

a loving father

someone to look up to

someone you could count on

someone who would protect you

someone who would talk to you

someone who would believe in you

someone who loved you more than himself

Rocky never got any of that

from his father

quite the opposite

so he turned his pen into a magic wand

and created the dad he should have had

the dad all broken men

should have had but didn’t

this was important not only for him

but for all those

who grew up

abused and abandoned by a parent

or parental figure

whether it was a mother

a father

or both

movies like Rocky

help the helpless

feel less

a l o n e

TL

Responsibility

there’s a grave

sadness

in the air

I can feel it quite

every

where

it’s in the vacant

stare

of that boy

there

that girl

here

after the camera clicks

the credits roll

the lights dim

the doors close

and every

body

goes on

home

the trash still needs

picking up

somebody has to stay

behind

and clean it

up

all the mess

else it’ll

pile up

and be too much

to bear

too hard

… too late

TL

Baby Blues

when she

comes back

I’ll be stooped

and low

looking at the ants

below

won’t see the sky

or stars at night

no sun

no moon

or tops of trees

or airplanes

headed out

I’ll see the drops

that fall

to ground

and remember

the river

her head down

picking up rocks

turning ‘em over

keeping a few

leaving the rest

yeah, when she comes back

I’ll be stooped

and low

looking at her

sole

wonder what she’ll wear

flat or heeled

or bare

TL

Willie Nelson

at 6

he was

a poet first

at 90

he still

is

TL

Through and Through

maybe

the journey

for each

one of us

who is born

and lives

and dies

has something

to do

with a returning

of who you were

before

life had a say

in it

before

you got hurt

before

you put the armor on

before

you put the face on

before

you walked away

from innocence

the innocence

of a child

the one who lives

within

each one of us

we forget this

in the process

of building a life

we forget

but in twilight years

we reach out

to this forgotten child

inside

and we see

what we could not see

and we feel

what we could not feel

and we know

what we could not know

until

we crossed that clearing

and moved further along

the path

of understanding

true understanding

that tells us

in the quiet

at the close of day

there is a morning

after

in every ending …

there is a beginning …

a transition

that is circular

TL

Britney Spears

through tears

i just finished

reading your book

and i believe

it will help heal

not only you

but countless others

around the world

who have suffered

and survived

unimaginable things

in life

but can still find joy

in the smallest of things

and pure peace

within

the peace that

makes you strong …

stronger than you thought

you could ever be

TL

(“I look at the fact that I survived

and I think, That wasn’t me;

that was God.” – page 236 – The Woman in Me)

The Internal and External

in the way

of the world

all things connect

never more so

than in nature

where the language

and meaning

are unspoken

but felt

the deepest

beneath the vastness

of the ocean

the endlessness of the sky

the other side of the sea

it travels in a raindrop

that reaches the seed

and finds the sun

it is ever in the wind

that carries time

marking the seasons

the lift and fall

of leaves

the tumble of stones

in the riverbed

the wearing away of all prints

like grass over dirt

like shells in the water

like trees in a storm

that stand

a hundred years

or more

like smoke from a fire

that dresses the wind

but a moment

like stars in the sky

that twinkle

like rain in the morning

the dew on grass

the earth is ever moving

and still

it can be both

moving and still

at the same time

here

or there

TL

Life Lessons

despite

my circumstances

growing up

i did not dwell

or feel sorry

for myself

it’s almost like

i chose to live

an inward life

or maybe i didn’t choose

maybe it was just a natural instinct

i don’t know

i just remember

always looking at the bright side

of dark things

whether it was in people

or in circumstances

or in situations

when you’re young

i think you’re more resilient

in a way that is different

from an adult

during the pandemic

as a grown adult

I actually felt

sorry for myself

which was not me

not my nature

but all of a sudden

I could feel this hatred

radiating from strangers

wherever I went

wherever I’d go

it got to the point

where I did not want to leave the house

not from fear of getting sick

but from what people thought of me

at a glance

this is when I first met Amazon

and had groceries delivered to my door

I’d lie awake in tears

hiding my pain

it hurt so much

it still does

but knowing what to expect

helps

the first few times

I was unprepared for the pain

it is better to know

what you’re dealing with

from the get-go

I thought I was stronger

than that

had been through enough

stuff

but to walk through a parking lot

and into a grocery store

any store

and be openly hated

and avoided

and blamed

for being Asian in America

was something I had never fully felt

before

the hate was hidden before

but no more

I’ve always known that if there was a war

between the US and an Asian country

what to expect

but the pandemic

caught me off-guard

hatred is a learned thing

from generation to generation

but so is love

TL