Ink in the Blood Posts

Sitting Still

a residual

gust of wind

blew out all the lights

and made mute

the box

The Weather Channel

went black

like the World Wide Web

the refrigerator stood still

and the oven lost heat

candles were burning

but it was still light outside

so, I opened the door

and pulled up a chair

and watched the wind

bend the trees

and move the rain

ripping the leaves

and I don’t know

how long I sat there

but at some point

the lights turned on

the refrigerator hummed

the remote worked

the mouse clicked

and there was noise

so, I put the chair back

in place

and shut the door

and turned the oven

back on

and made a cup of coffee

that I was grateful for

TL

Smoke

when you

walk out the door

and you don’t come back

no more

‘cause you dropped your keys

at the gate

will you remember

the band

and how it played

will you take your ticket

and find your seat

in the middle row

and lose yourself

at the exit

will you sit at the table

through the courses

and clearing

and wait for the check

will you drive to the beach

‘cause the beach is not far

from where you are

will you pick up a book

where you left off

and think about it

later on

at the light

will you take a walk

for no reason

or result

other than to get

where you’re going

will you tire

along the way

and lie down

for a bit

and rest your eyes

on a cloud

a moving cloud

that was here, now there

there, now here

will you drift on with it

like smoke

on a reservation

then away

TL

How It Was

seven years

gone by

on the eve of the eighth

pre-K

kindergarten

first grade

second

third

fourth

fifth

sixth

a parent

in the pick-up line

you sit there

the same

but you’re not the same

things have changed

all around you

but you sit there

the same

waiting in line

and you used to pick-up

a little kid

but that little kid is gone

this girl gets in

and she’s wearing contacts

and styling her own hair

without a bow in sight

painting her nails

and toes

and needing privacy

to change her clothes

and we drive down the road

and she doesn’t like my Seger CD

so, we switch to the radio

and listen to a commercial

waiting for it to turn into a song

and she likes this song

it’s a new song

“Every Little Thing”

and I like it, too

it has a story

and like most country songs

it’s about love

some sad song

about love

and how it was

TL

Song written by Civilla D. Martin, 1905 

“Why should I feel discouraged,

Why should the shadows come,

Why should my heart be lonely

And long for Heav’n and home,

When Jesus is my portion?

My constant friend is He:

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

‘Let not your heart be troubled,’

His tender word I hear,

And resting on His goodness,

I lose my doubts and fears;

Tho’ by the path He leadeth

But one step I may see:

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted,

Whenever clouds arise,

When songs give place to sighing,

When hope within me dies,

I draw the closer to Him,

From care He sets me free;

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know

He watches me.”

(For Dr. Don Roberts, Aug. 21, 1950 – Sept. 4, 2017)

Color-blind

is there

a verse

in diverse

and how would it

go

what would it

say

on the surface of things

is that all you see

what appears to be

an enemy

and they all look the same

they look like those people

over there

who want to kill us all

those people testing missiles

and marching with mantras

and scaring the L out of us

it’s bad enough they’re over here

living and working and going to school

and you can’t understand what they’re saying

so, it must be bad

they must be bad

they’re in the grocery store

the restaurants

in the park

taking over golf

walking down the street

driving down the road

used to be all you saw

was black and white

that’s all you ever saw

was black and white

and if that’s all you ever saw

then that’s how you see

the w o r l d

in black

and white

TL

Give

in Times

like these

you give

what you can

if you have money

you give money

if you have time

you give time

if you have a gift

you give that gift

if you can sing

go sing a song

for music is healing

if you can make people laugh

go make people laugh

for laughter is healing

if you can listen and really hear what’s being said

go listen and really hear what’s being said

for listening and being heard is healing

if you can cook a good meal

go cook, for food is healing

if you can read a book

go read a book to a child, to an adult

for words are healing

if you can play with a pet

go play with a pet, for pets are healing

if you can find beauty in the ordinary

go find beauty in the ordinary, for beauty is healing

if you can hold somebody

go hold somebody, for being held is healing

if you can be there

go be there, for just being there is healing

if you can pray

go pray, for prayer is healing

it’s not just words

it’s something you feel

like when you were little

and you looked at the world

and saw it

like God intended

TL

The Rain

it’s raining

outside my window

the kind of rain

that tells me

summer’s over

and fall is here

and I can’t help but think

would I still love the rain

if I lost all I had

to it

if somebody I loved

drowned in it

if all the pets got lost

in it

if the house I lived in

disappeared in it

if the business I built

sunk down in it

if the car I drove

submerged in it

if all the photos

got smeared in it

if all I owned

now

was the shirt on my back

the shoes on my feet

if all I had was me

and my precious baby

and we had to start all over

from the ground up

would I search the clouds

and spot the sun

would I stare at the sunset

and wake with the rise

would I see the moon

and all the stars

would I look around

at all the devastation

and see past it

somehow

would I know

I’d have a home again

a kitchen to cook a meal in

a place to wash and dry my clothes

my own bed, my own pillow

a car to drive down the street in

work to go back to

new photos in the frames

would I look up

at the clouds turning gray

and watch the drops

roll down the pane

like all the tears I cried

tell me …

would I

would I still love

the rain

TL

“One Nation, Under God”

there is

hatred

behind closed doors

spilling out

into the streets

saturating the ground of 50 states

the United States of America

doesn’t feel united

there is unrest

inside the whole of society

a repetition of history

with blood on the hands

whose hands

a young man, a middle man, an old man

women

is it right

to take the life

of another human being

without regard

a human who was born into this world

by Grace

but because they don’t

look like you

or believe like you

or talk like you

you would kill them

or have them killed

and support their murder

take pride in their death

rally the harm

to feel you’ve been justified

finally heard

these are the acts of those

who think they are immortal

hatred hides behind a smile

and shakes your hand

and looks you in the eye

pay attention

look deeper

do you see a soul

TL

Bok Choy

how did

gecko food

turn into

a black bunny

I’ll never know

and they never have bunnies in there

like ever

it’s like they knew

all about the Holland Lop videos

she’s been watching online

for a month

and we barely got one leg in the door

when she spies the rabbits

with a gasp

and out of nowhere

this lady appears next to us

like a fairy godmother

poof

and starts telling us all about these three baby bunnies

and how they had the same mother

and how they’re half Dwarf and half Holland Lop

and I don’t think she took a breath

and as soon as she felt me caving

she opens the cage

and puts the black bunny in her hands

how did this happen

now, I gotta go buy

more bok choy

TL

The Mountains

staring out

the window

at the mountains

majestic

always gets me

one of the last things he ever told me

was about mountains

“life is about peaks and valleys …

peaks and valleys”

shortly before he died

he buried his mother

and shortly after that

I buried him

we sat alone at a picnic table

and he looked at me with such joy and said

if he died tomorrow

he’d die a happy man

‘cause I was there

with him

getting off that plane

and seeing him standing there

with open arms

his hair no longer black but gray

his laughter the same sound

that twinkle in his eye

him hollering out my nickname

holding me like he did

when I was little

that was the peak

getting that call

seeing him on that hospital bed

beneath those glaring lights

his arms limp by his side

his skin still warm

that was the valley

low

TL

Sorrow

was watering

quiet

so as not

to disturb

the baby birds

then I looked down

and realized

they would not

be disturbed

TL

An Opening

a little brown

bird

sought shelter

from the storm

and flew through the roof

window

of my greenhouse

and after careful inspection

it musta met her standard

‘cause she started bringing twigs

and forming them circular

in my pot of grapes

and one day she was done with her work

and sat down

but she wasn’t done yet

this little brown bird

wanted to be a mama bird

she flew around and around and around

looking for the safest place

as far away from the cat as possible

and just happened upon an opening

on top of a square box

with a closed door

and when she peered in

she saw a jungle of green

there were blueberries in the corner

and a bowl of water

and it felt warm like summer

warm enough for three

little eggs

to quietly hatch

in a pot of grapes

with the rain falling

all around

TL

Regret

it occurred

to me

just the other

day

that I’ve never

tried on

a wedding dress

never even thought about it

worried about it or wondered about it

but I was watching something on television …

where a young bride was trying on dresses for the first time

and how emotional it was for her when she found the one

she was crying, her mother was crying, her bridesmaids were crying

and I don’t know but in that moment I realized

I would never know what that felt like

to try on a wedding dress

to see yourself in the mirror

that little girl staring back

feeling like Cinderella for one magic moment

somehow, I’d put that dream away

20 some years ago

I had no use for a formal gown

in the 10 minutes it took

to say, “I do”

instead I chose

an off-white blazer and skirt

as if I were reporting the news

looking back

I’m not quite sure

why I did that

‘cause I coulda picked a dress

off the rack

a simple, flowy one

but didn’t do that

it’s not like we got married

at the courthouse

like my father-in-law insisted we do

a church ceremony was important to me

the preacher was important to me

I picked “Annie’s Song” by John Denver

and a bible passage: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

there was no wedding photographer

no roses everywhere

no father-of-the-bride

no bridesmaids

no honeymoon

nada

then just yesterday

I was scanning the news online

and saw a bride in a black dress

she had married her man in Maui

in a long black, lacey dress

with a wreath of leaves in her hair

he wore a suit with a black hat

they got married in a forest

the groom stood alone with his back to the bride

waiting

she walked along the path toward him

a solitary figure

and when she reached him

she wrapped her arms around him

and then she tapped him on the shoulder

and when he turned around

he was blown away by her beauty

they stood on a magic carpet

in the middle of the woods

with a smiling preacher man

the kiss was full of passion

the eyes were full of friendship

so, if I had a do-over

I’d go get married in Maui

in a long black, lacey dress

with a wreath of leaves in my hair

beneath the strongest trees

and though the moment’s long past for me

it’s there waiting for my daughter

 can see myself in that bridal boutique

as she walks out of the dressing room

and stands there in front of the mirror

in her dress

twirling around like she did when she was little

but of course

knowing how life is

she’ll probably run off

and elope

(at least go to Maui)

TL

Dr. Ellsworth Wareham

(if you’re a vegan, I’m a vegan … make that a Seagan)

in October

he’ll be 103

a retired cardiac surgeon

he still assisted in the operating room

at 95

on his 100^th birthday

he was outside mowing his grass with a push lawnmower

and he was still driving a car

and walking up and down his stairs for exercise

without a cane

his mind, his body, his soul

intact

he knows how to laugh

and let go

of the things he cannot change

and focus

on what he can

at the mid-way mark in life

he decided to make a life-change

and become a vegan

he popped a daily B12 supplement

and never looked back

he just made up his mind

that he wanted to live

as long as he possibly could

in the best way he knew how

and he’s done that

and then some

(happy 103rd birthday)

TL

Observation

when rain falls

on a pinecone

it closes up

tight

‘til the sun

comes out

and then it opens

back up again

TL

re-define

after wandering

this world

what I’ve found out

about life

is that

somewhere in it

you stop

where you are

wherever you are

and you begin to learn

how to re-learn

what you’ve been taught

about certain things

that never made any sense

anyways

TL

Simple Enough

he left her

a l o n e

for much

too long

a time

and now

she prefers

to be left

a l o n e

TL

Putting

maybe it’s

the rhythm

and the repetition of it

maybe it’s

the simplicity

and the complexity of it

maybe it’s

the timing

and the precision of it

maybe it’s

the alignment

and the gravity of it

maybe it’s

the quietness

and the pace of it

maybe it’s

the feel

and the feeling of it

maybe it’s

the internal

and the balance of it

I don’t know

quite

but I’m at peace

when I’m out there

putting

TL

Ellipses

there is no

period at the end

of your sentence

it is a story

that goes on

and on

and on

…

chapters change

becoming more

becoming less

essays condense

into a single line

cast out

words are not wasted

thrown away

your mind expands

with each experience

what it brings

what it takes

the stitches and rips

the clay spins

and spins

the beauty beheld

is basic

the way a child sees it

what is felt

is carried over

like clouds

in a square window

that move

in the eyes

of those left dying

in a bed

somebody else died in

and the sheets are washed

again

and again

 and again

…

clean like a cloud

after it’s rained

and spring has come

all green

a nest with three eggs

life opens

again

and again

and again

…

TL

Golf

slopes of green

waving by

was a backseat window-watcher

drawn to the pathways

wondering where they led …

what was up over that hill

it was the closest i ever got

to golf

in my 30s, I would get out of the car

and walk those pathways

listening to my music

then get back in the car

and drive away

and repeat the next day

it never crossed my mind

to actually play

just loved being out there

on the greens

in the quiet of the morning ray

then I turned 40

and it was like something in me

woke up

golf didn’t care

if I was 40

didn’t care if I knew nothing about the game

didn’t care if I was a stay-at-home-mom

didn’t care if my career was over

didn’t care if I was still struggling with my past

golf didn’t give a damn!

bout any of that

after hitting nothing but dirt for so long

I’ll never forget

the first time I ever stood

on the hill

and didn’t feel like a fool

‘cause the lessons

Jimmy gave

and I got into position

with my used Callaway driver

and rifled the ball

like I never thought I could

it was like electricity coursing through me

and I just stood there

up on that hill

and felt the drops

roll down

TL