Ink in the Blood Posts

The Mountains

staring out

the window

at the mountains

majestic

always gets me

one of the last things he ever told me

was about mountains

“life is about peaks and valleys …

peaks and valleys”

shortly before he died

he buried his mother

and shortly after that

I buried him

we sat alone at a picnic table

and he looked at me with such joy and said

if he died tomorrow

he’d die a happy man

‘cause I was there

with him

getting off that plane

and seeing him standing there

with open arms

his hair no longer black but gray

his laughter the same sound

that twinkle in his eye

him hollering out my nickname

holding me like he did

when I was little

that was the peak

getting that call

seeing him on that hospital bed

beneath those glaring lights

his arms limp by his side

his skin still warm

that was the valley

low

TL

Sorrow

was watering

quiet

so as not

to disturb

the baby birds

then I looked down

and realized

they would not

be disturbed

TL

An Opening

a little brown

bird

sought shelter

from the storm

and flew through the roof

window

of my greenhouse

and after careful inspection

it musta met her standard

‘cause she started bringing twigs

and forming them circular

in my pot of grapes

and one day she was done with her work

and sat down

but she wasn’t done yet

this little brown bird

wanted to be a mama bird

she flew around and around and around

looking for the safest place

as far away from the cat as possible

and just happened upon an opening

on top of a square box

with a closed door

and when she peered in

she saw a jungle of green

there were blueberries in the corner

and a bowl of water

and it felt warm like summer

warm enough for three

little eggs

to quietly hatch

in a pot of grapes

with the rain falling

all around

TL

Regret

it occurred

to me

just the other

day

that I’ve never

tried on

a wedding dress

never even thought about it

worried about it or wondered about it

but I was watching something on television …

where a young bride was trying on dresses for the first time

and how emotional it was for her when she found the one

she was crying, her mother was crying, her bridesmaids were crying

and I don’t know but in that moment I realized

I would never know what that felt like

to try on a wedding dress

to see yourself in the mirror

that little girl staring back

feeling like Cinderella for one magic moment

somehow, I’d put that dream away

20 some years ago

I had no use for a formal gown

in the 10 minutes it took

to say, “I do”

instead I chose

an off-white blazer and skirt

as if I were reporting the news

looking back

I’m not quite sure

why I did that

‘cause I coulda picked a dress

off the rack

a simple, flowy one

but didn’t do that

it’s not like we got married

at the courthouse

like my father-in-law insisted we do

a church ceremony was important to me

the preacher was important to me

I picked “Annie’s Song” by John Denver

and a bible passage: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

there was no wedding photographer

no roses everywhere

no father-of-the-bride

no bridesmaids

no honeymoon

nada

then just yesterday

I was scanning the news online

and saw a bride in a black dress

she had married her man in Maui

in a long black, lacey dress

with a wreath of leaves in her hair

he wore a suit with a black hat

they got married in a forest

the groom stood alone with his back to the bride

waiting

she walked along the path toward him

a solitary figure

and when she reached him

she wrapped her arms around him

and then she tapped him on the shoulder

and when he turned around

he was blown away by her beauty

they stood on a magic carpet

in the middle of the woods

with a smiling preacher man

the kiss was full of passion

the eyes were full of friendship

so, if I had a do-over

I’d go get married in Maui

in a long black, lacey dress

with a wreath of leaves in my hair

beneath the strongest trees

and though the moment’s long past for me

it’s there waiting for my daughter

 can see myself in that bridal boutique

as she walks out of the dressing room

and stands there in front of the mirror

in her dress

twirling around like she did when she was little

but of course

knowing how life is

she’ll probably run off

and elope

(at least go to Maui)

TL

Dr. Ellsworth Wareham

(if you’re a vegan, I’m a vegan … make that a Seagan)

in October

he’ll be 103

a retired cardiac surgeon

he still assisted in the operating room

at 95

on his 100^th birthday

he was outside mowing his grass with a push lawnmower

and he was still driving a car

and walking up and down his stairs for exercise

without a cane

his mind, his body, his soul

intact

he knows how to laugh

and let go

of the things he cannot change

and focus

on what he can

at the mid-way mark in life

he decided to make a life-change

and become a vegan

he popped a daily B12 supplement

and never looked back

he just made up his mind

that he wanted to live

as long as he possibly could

in the best way he knew how

and he’s done that

and then some

(happy 103rd birthday)

TL

Observation

when rain falls

on a pinecone

it closes up

tight

‘til the sun

comes out

and then it opens

back up again

TL

re-define

after wandering

this world

what I’ve found out

about life

is that

somewhere in it

you stop

where you are

wherever you are

and you begin to learn

how to re-learn

what you’ve been taught

about certain things

that never made any sense

anyways

TL

Simple Enough

he left her

a l o n e

for much

too long

a time

and now

she prefers

to be left

a l o n e

TL

Putting

maybe it’s

the rhythm

and the repetition of it

maybe it’s

the simplicity

and the complexity of it

maybe it’s

the timing

and the precision of it

maybe it’s

the alignment

and the gravity of it

maybe it’s

the quietness

and the pace of it

maybe it’s

the feel

and the feeling of it

maybe it’s

the internal

and the balance of it

I don’t know

quite

but I’m at peace

when I’m out there

putting

TL

Ellipses

there is no

period at the end

of your sentence

it is a story

that goes on

and on

and on

…

chapters change

becoming more

becoming less

essays condense

into a single line

cast out

words are not wasted

thrown away

your mind expands

with each experience

what it brings

what it takes

the stitches and rips

the clay spins

and spins

the beauty beheld

is basic

the way a child sees it

what is felt

is carried over

like clouds

in a square window

that move

in the eyes

of those left dying

in a bed

somebody else died in

and the sheets are washed

again

and again

 and again

…

clean like a cloud

after it’s rained

and spring has come

all green

a nest with three eggs

life opens

again

and again

and again

…

TL

Golf

slopes of green

waving by

was a backseat window-watcher

drawn to the pathways

wondering where they led …

what was up over that hill

it was the closest i ever got

to golf

in my 30s, I would get out of the car

and walk those pathways

listening to my music

then get back in the car

and drive away

and repeat the next day

it never crossed my mind

to actually play

just loved being out there

on the greens

in the quiet of the morning ray

then I turned 40

and it was like something in me

woke up

golf didn’t care

if I was 40

didn’t care if I knew nothing about the game

didn’t care if I was a stay-at-home-mom

didn’t care if my career was over

didn’t care if I was still struggling with my past

golf didn’t give a damn!

bout any of that

after hitting nothing but dirt for so long

I’ll never forget

the first time I ever stood

on the hill

and didn’t feel like a fool

‘cause the lessons

Jimmy gave

and I got into position

with my used Callaway driver

and rifled the ball

like I never thought I could

it was like electricity coursing through me

and I just stood there

up on that hill

and felt the drops

roll down

TL

Settled

grains

in the sea

fall like snow

in a glass globe

somebody picked up

once

and shook

then quietlike

the ground

put it back

on the shelf

where it was

TL

Doorway

he held

her hand

like a hinge

does a door

to open

and close

TL

In the Stillness

not a drop

on the pond

smooth and bare

no skipping stones

or loss of hair

no casting out

or reeling in

it is quiet here

like early morning

a butterfly makes no sound

as she flutters

all around

TL

Tiger Tough

over the course

of a lifetime

one undergoes

a series of deaths

the loss of youth

is a death

the loss of a parent

is a death

the loss of a friend, your best friend

is a death

the loss of your self …

your worth in the world

is indeed a death

the drainage of loss

leaves a lot of space

to drown in

hold your breath!

‘til your body rises

from the floor

and when you break the surface

get on your back quick

and float

so, when night comes

you can still see the stars

from where you are

and if there are no stars

that night

just close your eyes

and drift to your dream …

there the stars

and when you wake

in the sea of sorrow

get a good stretch in and roll over

on your belly

taste the tears lapping against your lip

feel the waves wash over you

hear the wind rush past

squint your eyes ‘til they adjust

the sky’s still blue

you’re alive

that mystical map

embedded in the soul

will bring you back

from where ‘ya been

and it won’t matter

no more

it won’t matter

no more

‘cause being lost at sea

doesn’t mean

you won’t be found again

but you gotta roll over first

roll over

TL

Traveler

the leveler

of life

is death

TL

Crystallize

the stream

becomes a square

frozen cubes

the button there

crushes squares

into pieces

a drift of snow

at the bottom

of a glass

set it down

somewhere

and forget

you left it

there

distracted by

the sun

no more squares

the pieces run

down the glass

like drops

against a windshield

waiting for the light

to turn

TL

Yes, Please

a peppermint

plant

is easy to grow

repels mosquitoes

and mashed up

will turn a cup

of hot water

green

TL

11 Past 10

she still

loves to run

in the pouring down

rain

she still

cries crocodile tears

if she forgot

to kiss daddy bye

she still

feels sad sorry

for the worm

the ant

the half-wing thing

she still

wants to pick-up every stray

cat and dog she sees

and take ‘em home with her

and have me take care of ‘em

she still

won’t eat

a tomato

less it’s pulverized into oblivion

she still

puts her pulled tooth

under her pillow

and goes to sleep

smiling like a Cheshire cat

she still

plays the piano

for the pure joy

of it

like painting

and dancing

and flipping

on the trampoline

she still

sleeps with Blue

from those crib days

and protects him like a mama bear her cub

she still

has to be first

down the stair

through the door

up the hill

down the street

around the corner

through the gate

she still

hits a golf ball

better than me

or the guy next to me

she still

can do a double round-house kick

over my head

without stretching first

she still

feels the day

and takes it in

like a song

like a sonnet

like a prayer

she still

asks tough questions

when there aren’t any

easy answers

she still

gets lost

in a story

but only if

it’s really good

then she’ll re-read it

five times

she still

has expectations

“Great Expectations”

of how life should be

she still

loves school

and learning

and understanding

and becoming

and being

and making good friends

she still

thinks the same

joke

told 100 times over

is as funny as

the first time

she said it

she still

wants to be BIG

but stay small

she still

has to have

the last word

the last piece

the last laugh

the last shhh

she still

wants to be held

(thank goodness for that)

she still

has a dream …

about a secret garden

and a Tudor-style mansion

and a cheetah as a pet

(why a cheetah)

and me as her maid

and finding a home for all those strays

and helping the helpless

be happy

and I have no doubt

she’ll make it happen

somehow

and it’ll be better

way better

than what she dreamed of

when she was jest

11 past 10

TL

Simple Pleasures

no other time

of year

than this

right here

right now

bald branches

grow back their hair

flowers every

where

tomato plants

grow stronger

by the day

to bear such weight

orchards their fruit

from the soil

good things grow

up

TL