Unwritten
a certain
solution
can be dropped
into the soil
to turn
a pink hydrangea
blue
depending on the amount
and taking into account
the sun and rain
times two
the blue can be
a porcelain rose
a cloudless sky
a robin’s egg
a denim patch
a crayon scratch
a baby’s bonnet
a dress she wore
a ribbon in her hair
a shoe in a song
a book about
a bowl of blueberries
a bird in a tree
a note he never read
a note she never wrote
TL
Trees
leave it
in September
close the door
and let the wind
do what it does
don’t try to put the leaves
back on the trees
it never works
try to trust
in time
a new leaf
grows back
and then another
and another
and another
TL
After That
didn’t date
in high school
didn’t hang
with the wild kids
i stuck with the nerds
‘cause i was a nerd, too
seven years i cheered
made captain senior year
crowned prom queen
when it shoulda went to the blonde
went to college on a scholarship
for leadership
“was a good kid”
never drank or did drugs
or anything else
and I can still hear the car running
parked there under the moon
he told me he had a key to the place
that nobody was home
and we could go inside
and be alone
i had never been with anyone
and he knew that
knew that “i was a good kid”
i had loved him like a father
he was so good to me
believed in me
took time with me
taught me how to drive a truck
made me laugh like nobody
he’d hug me and hold my hand
and tell me how beautiful i was
but then he’d tell me other things
how bad his marriage was
how he wanted to leave
but couldn’t
i was always a good listener
even then
i felt like i owed him
so much
like kids from broken families do
so, when he told me he had a key to the place
and wanted us to go inside
i sat there in the passenger seat
and thought about it
i knew how much he loved me
but i couldn’t do it
i loved his wife, loved his kids
they were the perfect family
i respected that
a family is all i ever really wanted
so, i turned to him
and told him, “i’m sorry, but i can’t”
he nodded and told me he understood, that it was ok
and then he drove me home
and dropped me off
and drove away
i just stood there in my cheerleading uniform
staring up at the stars
feeling all alone
i knew i’d let him down
could see it in his eyes
we never spoke about it again
as if it never happened
but it did
‘cause i was never the same
after that
TL
“Pete’s Dragon”
a story
for anyone
who has ever
suffered
in such a way
TL
Repose
the lights
in the windows
seem to glow
warmer
from the street
you can imagine
what it’s like
inside
if there are flowers in a vase
candles on the table
a song to set the mood
white plates to see the food
and it’s raining outside
to make it that much better
inside
but you’ll need a reservation
for table number seven
way back in the corner
where nobody ever goes to sit
there aren’t any flowers there
no song
or candles or plates
just empty space
with a wall of glass
dusted in raindrops
to catch the light
the morning ray
the beams at night
and all the traffic lights
that stream on by
like diamonds on the drink
shimmering in the light
blinking in the sky
when it’s all dark outside
TL
Full Circle
my closet
is bigger
than the room
i grew up in
a room that
belonged to a boy
the other to his brother
it was never meant
for me
i always knew that
i remembered
a bigger room
with a hardwood floor
and it was upstairs
with a window
that overlooked the woods
and you could watch the snow fall
the leaves change color
and there was a pond nearby
that i’d skate on in the winter
it’s funny what you remember
what you can’t forget
a white two-story house
with a For Sale sign in the yard
getting on a plane
and leaving the only home i knew
looking for a house
in the Deep South
and she picked the one
near a family of four
a mom, a dad and two boys
none of us kids
knew what was happening
it happened so fast
one minute we’re moved into the house
next door
to the family of four
the next minute
they’re moving out
and we’re moving in
but the father stayed
a man i didn’t know
i already had a father, an adoptive father
he was up North selling the house
and then suddenly he was there
crying
i had never seen him cry before
but he was crying all the time
he went to court for custody
but lost
and one day, when i was 8, he sat me down
and told me he had to go away
and start his life all over
so, he left me
there
in a room
that was never meant
for me
and he never came back
but i never blamed him for that
‘cause i understood
he kept my pictures in a drawer
3 wallet-size laminated pictures
and when I saw those pictures in the drawer
after all those years
I knew he had never forgotten me
and when he died
I thought my life was over
I was so angry with God
hadn’t I done everything right
hadn’t I suffered enough
why would He take the one person
I loved the most
four years after he died
I got married
to a man my father would have loved
10 years after I married
we had a baby girl
had my father lived
I would have had a very different life
probably anchoring the news somewhere
in some big shot city
running here and there
ever searching for the life
I have right now
TL
This
The mind expands
As the heart bleeds out
This I know
A foot hesitates
Before it drops down
This I know
The rain
Is real
And you have to walk through it
Not around it
This I know
There are times
When it’s just too cold
To feel
What you’re feeling
This I know
The night can last
For all time
Like love, like hate
This I know
The body falls
The mind breaks
But the eyes are wide open
This I know
There is no solace
In the hour of loss
That un-ending hour
This I know
The falling of love
Is all there is …
Like the end of days
That pass through time
This I know
TL
Drifting
the symphony
that is the sea
would that I
lose myself
in thee
TL
Passengers
the things
that disappear
end up where
lids on boxes
are stacked
and shipped
and sent over seas
cargo, freight
loaded and unloaded
stamped: fragile
bubble wrapped
and taped twice
destination unknown
conveyer belt
drops the boxes
down
into the department
of shipping and handling
where all black boxes
go
to unload luggage
unnecessary at customs
the inspection is thorough
and complete
no weight
before departure
TL
A Slow Death
black bird
I see your shadow
on the ground
why would this day
be any different
for you
than any other day
the sky is blue
the wind in your wings
worms after the rain
all the trees are yours
but that’s how it is
you get used to things
as they are
like waking up
ready for bed
and you never hear it
coming
silent as snow
then it’s too late
to cry
or care
the sky so blue
how it felt to fly
when the world was yours
below a dot
just a black dot on cement
like a beetle in the dirt
that tried to crawl away
before it was crunched
into
TL
Coronation
did you
ever hear
a cardinal sing
with an opera chest
and a cone crown
and a red robe
and you forgot
the day
the week
the month
the year
neither dark
nor light
but gray
like the moor
in early morn
laced in silver threads
spun from spools
of spider legs
and the song
had something
knew
something you knew
before
else or any
when even if
the night was long
l o n e l y
you could close
your eyes
and count on it
shield yourself
from harm
within the breath
of dreams
beneath the bough
apart from season
or other things
that change
a child
like how she hears
a cardinal sing
TL
From Old to New
there is blood
on the linoleum
dark and dried
it won’t scrub clean
the girl on her knees
tried
to clean it up
it bothered her
being there
soon as you walked in the door
she saw it
that was the welcome mat
nobody talked about it
that’s how it always was
the morning after
but there was evidence
this time
broken bottles can be swept away
doors can be replaced
like furniture and lamps and dishes and collectibles
holes in the walls can be fixed
like screens and windows and handles
bruises on the skin
can disappear
nights in the ER
stop blinking
yelling and screaming
can quiet down
threatening thunder
can clear like a cloud
knives can be put back in the drawer
chainsaws can be turned off
beers and bottles can be trashed
but a pool of dried blood
on a linoleum floor
won’t evaporate
or dissolve
and the girl stares
at the stain
on her way out
and her way back in
maybe it bothered them, too
years after she left
they got rid of the whole thing
and had something squeaky clean delivered
new locks and doors
new walls and windows
new furniture and floors
all new floors
but they never could quite
get rid of that stain
‘cause it bled on through
TL
Child Abuse
broken bottles
in the ditch
locked my door
went under cover
wished for
anywhere
traveled
book to book
nobody knew
what I really went through
8 to 18
all they saw …
Rah, Rah, Rah
“Most Likely
To Succeed …”
they never saw
a child
always afraid
of the drink
of dark
the girl who
never wanted to
go home
used to say
i got away
told myself
“but they never hurt me …”
only later
would I realize
when they hurt each other
they were hurting me
only later
would I realize
each time they tried
to kill each other
they were killing me
only later
would I realize
the abuse
of sWords
cut the core
of who you are
or ever hope to be
only later
would I realize
a drunk
has no memory
no remorse
not even to this day
only later
would I realize
how deep
the damage …
how torn
the trust …
only later
would I realize
you can only
run so far
only later
would I realize
certain things
only God
can forgive …
(took me 40 years to realize)
TL
Ever After
into the night
swirl the stars
catch the edge of the moon
at the tip of the pyramid
like Rome
from the ground up
a mastering of the mind
what it imagines
in the realm
of thought
the child knows
how it ends
even if the story
changes form
the ending is the same
we long for it
in that first glimpse
of what could be
TL
Papa T
at the bottom
of September
it’ll be a year
your house
in limbo
like we
and I wish
you hadn’t died
like that
there
wasn’t fair
the rage I feel
helpless to help
what do you do with that
it just follows you
in and out the door
and mocks you in the mirror
quiet in the morning
before it all
begins and ends
and circles
back around
again
TL
On This Day
he’ll sit there
on the front row
not the middle
or the last
but the front
his heart in his eyes
it’ll all go by
he’ll bow his head
and get up
and walk out
to the car
at the front of the line
and he won’t want
to get out
won’t want to stand there
in the sunlight
on this day
this summer day
so, he’ll have to sit down
and he won’t want to get back up
won’t want to drive away
and go back home
but she won’t have it
and she’ll tell him so
she’ll tell him no
you gotta go
you gotta go on …
go on now
TL
It Waits
there’s something
to be said
about old love
it stands alone
at the window
watching the sun come up
and go back down
it sits at the table
in the chair
across
in a corner booth
a Sunday pew
it walks down the hall
ready for bed
but doesn’t sleep
it’s counting stars
and sheep
and all the years
the life it made
the photo album’s fat and full
the song’s still playing on the radio
like it did back then
the movies re-run
the book picked up
where it left off
finishing sentences
being the punchline
yelling back
trying not to laugh
picking up the phone
so the other don’t worry
holding the umbrella
the suitcase
waiting for the other
to come back out
all dressed up
and there were roses
without occasion
moments without saying
and you can’t explain it
to a newlywed
yeah, there’s something
to be said
about old love
and how it waits
TL
Moorland
on the incline
taking the club back
thrusting it down
take the club back
thrust it down
take the club back
thrust it down
take the club back
thrust it down
take the club back
thrust it down
take the club back
thrust it down
take the club back
thrust it down
and all at once
i left the ground
on one plane
the engine inside
full of sparks
was roaring
down the runway
gathering speed
molecular in its distance
gone are the hard things
heavy in their grip
leapt my heart
into the blue
ocean of the sky
humming like the wind
felt the sun rise
within
the sand so hot
to skin
finds relief
at the bottom
of the sea
where it wept
against obsidian
for a thousand centuries
and became the mist
over the moor
TL
Other Side of Somewhere
a moment
drops
curls from the cloud
watched it fall
seep
the hard earth
drunk it down
in thirst
past frozen nights
the fury of the wind
fists of rumbled rain
punching in the dark
flash after flash
pressed to the pane
the smallest drop
saturates the soul
leaving body to bone
no matter how old
or how the sun sets
and rises
in the room
light and bright
and beautiful
she stood in them all
and found something to do
something brand new
took a brush
a pail of paint
and kneeled at the corner
behind the metal door
a shade of winter white
for the child
who went missing there
that night
when the moon was out
and about
shining light and bright
and beautiful
out there on the other side
of somewhere
TL
Kenny Chesney
came to town
and played a song
and stripped it bare
a simple verse
that turned a stadium
into a single seat
“Drinkin’ was forbidden in my Christian country home
I learned to play the flattop on them good ol’ Gospel songs
Then I heard about the barrooms just across the Georgia line
Where a boy could make a livin’ playin’ guitar late at night
Had to learn about the ladies; too young to understand
Why the young girls fall in love with the boys in the band
When the boys turn to music, the girls just turn away
To some other guitar picker in some other late night place
Yeah, I held on to my music; I let the ladies walk away
Took my songs and dreams to Nashville and then on to L. A.
Up to New York City, all across the USA
I lost so much of me, but there’s enough of me to say …
that my Home’s in Alabama, no matter where I lay my head
My home’s in Alabama, Southern born and Southern bred
What keeps me goin’? I don’t really know.
Can’t be the money, the Lord knows I’m always broke
Could it be the satisfaction of bein’ understood
When the people really love ya and let you know when it’s good
Well I’ll speak my Southern English just as natural as I please
I’m in the heart of Dixie, Dixie’s in the heart of me
And someday when I make it, when love finds a way
Somewhere high on Lookout Mountain, I’ll just smile with pride and say …
that my Home’s in Alabama, no matter where I lay my head
My home’s in Alabama, Southern born and Southern bred”
(song written by Randy Owen of Alabama)
TL