Ink in the Blood Posts

On the Green

everything gets quiet

the mind

melts away

there’s no memory

of the painful past

no worry

of the future unknown

you’re left with only

this moment

at hand

right in front of you

clear and focused

just you

with your putter

7 balls

and the hole

it’s simple

yet complex

but to be

good at it

to get better

at it

you have to

get in the zone

where nothing else matters

not the heat of the sun

not the pelt of the rain

not the gust of the wind

not the cut of the cold

not the sting of the mosquito

not the hurl of the mower

or the weed eater

it’s all about getting the ball

to sink down in the hole

to get as close as you can

to submersion

one shot is great

two shots are good

three shots need work

four shots need a break

you get to begin again

each time

you approach the ball

putting is my go-to

my balance

find your balance

TL

D o o r s

there are

open doors

closed doors

cracked doors

propped doors

locked doors

unlocked doors

bolted doors

chained doors

sliding doors

barred doors

divided doors

dark doors

light doors

gray doors

clear doors

split doors

broken doors

whole doors

crushed doors

new doors

old doors

ancient doors

painted doors

primed doors

peeling doors

stripped doors

sealed doors

busted doors

burnt doors

charred doors

shuttered doors

double doors

single doors

quiet doors

squeaky doors

banging doors

slammed doors

secure doors

unsecure doors

decoy doors

remote doors

coded doors

public doors

private doors

hidden doors

passing doors

display doors

plastic doors

wooden doors

steel doors

hinged doors

unhinged doors

screened doors

guarded doors

passage doors

gated doors

make-shift doors

exterior doors

interior doors

forgotten doors

faded doors

fallen doors

destroyed doors

restored doors

rusted doors

silver doors

golden doors

glass doors

measured doors

unmeasured doors

structural doors

framed doors

custom doors

uncustom doors

staged doors

curtain doors

beaded doors

tinsel doors

taped doors

lit doors

unlit doors

still doors

revolving doors

coffin doors

dirt doors

stone doors

garden doors

inside doors

outside doors

standing doors

buried doors

blinking doors

treehouse doors

dollhouse doors

castle doors

cardboard doors

magic doors

invisible doors

disappearing doors

reappearing doors

walk-thru doors

waterfall doors

cave doors

elevator doors

emergency doors

escape doors

trap doors

storage doors

secret doors

floating doors

sinking doors

solid doors

dissolving doors

mirrored doors

blurred doors

tower doors

dungeon doors

drop doors

beginning doors

in-between doors

ending doors

no doors

TL

Feeling

i feel

i’ve felt

all there is

to feel

i’ve felt

TL

Nothing

they say

time heals all pain

not sure pain heals

loss is its own

frame

the picture of it

moves like light

and dark

like fog and mist

like flakes of snow

and drips of rain

like a seed that breaks

the surface

and lingers

a moth before it dies

the stones don’t change

only the names

the bringing and taking away

of flowers

how grass covers dirt

and concrete covers grass

nobody warns ‘ya

or maybe they do

or did

or didn’t

or meant to

really meant to

but never got around

to it

or didn’t know how

to go about it

people tend to do nothing

when they don’t know what to do

or say

but doing nothing

is something

you don’t forget

TL

The Changes Within

in August

the leaves are green

soaking in the rays

and rain

spinning in the wind

so alive

it’s hard to know

their time

is even now

running out

summer is over

the fall of leaves

will soon be raining

down

as beings on earth

we are connected to the seasons

in ways

that are instinctual in nature

maybe that’s why we gravitate to the expansiveness

of oceans and mountains and sky

get lost in the jungle

the desert

the pyramids

the places in pictures

over land and space

under

water

and above the cloud

to feel all there is to feel

what does travel teach you

in the end

that you already knew

but forgot

TL

3 Chords and the Truth

turned the dial

down

had to

but sick of the silence

so turned the dial

up

and found some

new stuff

music never leaves ‘ya

long

it brushes back a leaf

and flies in a V

and ripples the glass

and turns a red rose

brown

it fills the space

the dust don’t

and lifts the ink

off the skin

water wears away

the hardest stone

smooths it down

over time

they stack ‘em

in Tennessee

and leave ‘em

for strangers

to see

on their way

to capture

rumbling water

falls

TL

Nursery Rhymes

wonder why

violets are blue

why Valentine roses

are always red

why I can’t find

those little white bells

nowhere

like looking for those little blue smurfs

or trolls under the bridge

and I forget what I wanted

back in ’91

by ’93 I was standing in a showroom

full of shiny boxes picking one

to put in a hole

wondering how I got there

when life takes a turn

you always ask yourself … how’d I get here

time moves

and it don’t

aging is a process

that you can never process

why’d the spider go up the waterspout

in the first place

didn’t it sense the danger

or was it seeking shelter

what a song to sing

to itsy bitsy kids

like an old man

in the rain

forgetting which house is his

or the old woman who lived in a shoe

what an imagination

like a cow jumping over the moon

and the fork running away with the spoon

if you live long

enough

you end up

following the breadcrumbs

down the yellow brick road

back to the beginning

up the vine

and into the clouds

TL

Intersection

the spider

leaves its line

a thread

of existence

that it once

was here

too

conscious

or unconscious

this is the way

of all things

the looming light

behind the cloud

was yesterday

a ruffled edge

in the wind

green gems

a shining chandelier

water over rock

and shell

what once was

dust

had shape

and form

and being

the rain falls

and some creatures

wiggle out

or crawl

while others take cover

under mush

rooms

or tall tall

trees

or petals

in a ring

the icebergs

are melting

the trails

are too long

by foot

what a waste

of wealth

10 fingers

10 toes

and this little

piggy stayed

home

where does it all go

the mind wears away

go by feel

when the heart was

whole

and the page was blank

a scribble of color

that first letter

first word

before there was thought

and thinking

and staying between

the lines

just a thread

TL

Dear Dad,

we never talked 

about this

and I guess

I’m only now

facing it

even though

you’ve been dead

30 years in March

it’s hard to say

i was

never angry

you left

i never blamed you

for any of it

but I realize

now

that your leaving …

and never coming back

was damaging

to my soul

it affected

every single relationship

i would ever have

from childhood to adulthood

when someone says

they love me

i don’t believe ‘em

‘ya know

it’s just automatic

i don’t think i ever

understood

what that means

or what it would mean

to the child left …

to the adult …

I think it’s important

to acknowledge it

though

even if it changes

nothing

you’re still gone

it doesn’t change

that

or how much I love you

nothing could ever

change that

you gave me the best of you

while with me

and when you weren’t

i would imagine

you were

I think I still

do that

got behind this car

the other day

and took a picture of the tag

93 Mike

it was right after that movie …

like it was a sign

that you’re still here

that you never left

that you were always with me

through it all

but you already knew that

right

TL

In the Swamp

still try

ing

to process

the pieces

sitting there

in the dark

before the lights

come on

in a packed room

on opening day

I felt …

exposed

I shouldn’t have come

thought I could

handle it

be all right

not like the book

books are too intimate

I cannot read the book

even though it was a gift

and I tried to

at the lake

when I couldn’t sleep

in the middle of the night

but after the first few

pages

I knew I would never read it

it’s too much

too close

too

it’s just too

but I thought the movie

would be ok

like I’d be ok

yeah no

there was a moment

in the movie

that hit me like a brick

I had to cover my mouth

so the sound wouldn’t come out

and clenched my fist

‘til the blood ran out

and like i did when i was a little girl

in my room

on my bed

with the door closed

i sat there

in my seat

very still and very quiet

and wept

even though I sat at the very tip top

I was the first to leave

like a bolt of lightning

I was gone

I had sat through the whole thing

and was now

sitting in my car

feeling numb

grateful I was alone

it was too much

I shouldn’t have come

even though it was well done

and I’d recommend it to anyone

it’s a must-see movie

with a great story

great writing

great acting

great directing

great producing

great, great, great

but not for me

it was not great

for me

I couldn’t just watch it

like I should have

like it was just a movie

of made-up characters

in a made-up story

like it was make-believe

that it wasn’t real

how could it be real

when it’s just a movie

on the big screen

it wasn’t real

TL

The Night Ninja

there’s a toad

untold

that greets me

at the door

I imagine

he has a tiny gold crown

on his tiny toad head

he sits on the threshold

as if he were

royal

for the killer cat

pays him no mind

and the stampede of barking dogs

don’t rattle him

none

his outer stillness

belies the warrior within

I could learn a lot from this here

toad

he’s a simple-type-fellow

that found his way

to my front door

on a night much like tonight

where the chorus of crickets

sing

and the firework fireflies

put on their show

he hopped out of nowhere

up the steps

in the middle of May

drawn to the castle lights

he now dines

like a king

his feast flying in

from near and far

he just sits there

all quiet and calm and still

waiting it out

like a featherweight

in the ring

eyeing an opening

ever light on his feet

and lethal with his punches

he knocks ‘em all out

and then assumes his position

in the middle of the doorway

a small stone statue

between two lights

and I thought the cat

was the Ninja

TL

The Unexpected Gift

yesterday

there was sand

all over the putting green

and the holes

had all disappeared

and over yonder

the chipping green

was the same

way

it was maintenance day

but I didn’t get the memo

got in my car

and went to another green

and putted

a few putts

before the thunder

took over

I love golf

but it’s not worth

getting struck by lightning

for it

which would be my luck

really don’t know

what I’d do without golf

at this point

and I would have never

tried it

even considered it

if it weren’t for my daughter

she was 5

hitting balls on the range

when a pro pulled me aside

and said she had the gift

don’t let her quit

well, that’s all it took

I had her signed up for lessons

before the sun set

and over the years

I watched her develop

taking the club back

and bringing it forward

into this beautiful

beautiful swing

she made it look

so effortless

I’d stand behind her

watching

as the ball blurred

out of sight

I can still see her

barefoot

on the putting green

the clouds pink overhead

I’m so grateful to all the pros

who taught her

how to play

this amazing

wonderful game

that teaches you

all about life

and the power

of now

TL

An American Korean

T a m i k o

is not my name

Tamiko is a Japanese name

I am not  Japanese

although I was called, “Jap”

growing up

I’m not  Japanese

I was raised white

but I’m not white

I’m Korean

but I don’t feel  Korean

I feel American

I speak only English

I write only English

but I look Asian

with almond eyes

and black hair

and tan skin

I don’t quite

fit in

if I want Korean food

I go to a Korean restaurant

and order it

like I did today

if I’m curious

about the Korean culture

I look online

like I did today

I have ancestors

but know none of them

and the older I get

the harder that is

to accept

my daughter

is the only

blood relative

I will ever know

she is my heart

and my Seoul

TL

(written in 2017)

The Greens

almost there

then a splat

and another splat

splat, splat, splat

put the wipers on

and park

and wait it out

it’s like

there’s the green

right there

in front of me

boundless and beautiful

but there’s this wall

of rain

relentless

that the weather app

failed to predict

and the humidity in the air

would electrocute my hair

if it ever stops

pouring

been raining steady

for days and days and days

and normally don’t mind

it

but there are times

hard times

when I don’t want

to play

I need to play

want and need

are two very very

different things

like love

and like

TL

A Tree Without Leaves

it’s raining

outside my window

the sunlight

shines through

the trees

like strings

at Christmas

twinkling

I wish it were

snow

and all was winter

white

untouched

but it never snows

in July

the water’s warm

I should be floating

away somewhere

as light as a leaf

down the river

following the flow

far from the tree

and its tangled roots

a tiny boat

sailing

across the sea

in a shimmering

of diamonds

weightless

nobody knows

the leaf

was once attached

to a lofty limb

its job

was waving

at the tourists

for a tree with no leaves

looks lifeless

and gray

like spring got lost

in winter

and forgot about summer

for fall

the leaf no longer green

and waving

fell into the wind

and found its way

to the shore

where all boats

begin again

TL

Why

hmmmmm

what is

the purpose

of pain …

there’s no hiding

in a hole

from it

it finds us

whoever we are

wherever we are

no matter the age

rich or poor

whether we’re ready or not

it’s coming for us

it can be the most beautiful day

or not

doesn’t matter the day of week

the year

the hour

the minute

the second

it’s there

taking form

taking shape

quietly

becoming

sometimes it’s a slow burn

other times

it smacks ‘ya dead

in the face

kicks ‘ya when you’re down

and out

like love

there are different levels

of it

the longer you live

the more you’ll experience

both joy

and pain

the deeper the joy

the deeper the pain

when tragic things happen

you wonder

why

why did it have to be

that hard

I can remember

being a child

and asking myself

that question

over and over

and over again

why

I’m older now

at the halfway point

and still

internally

externally

eternally

I’m asking

the same question

why

TL

Gone Global

here I am

at the keys

the world has

gone mad

maybe it always was

and we didn’t know it none

‘cause nobody really showed it

24/7

365 days

season to season

now everywhere ‘ya go

heads are down

and they ain’t praying

they’re scrolling an endless feed

on their never-leave-home-without-it-trusty-cell

phone

I’m not knocking technology per-se

I love Google and YouTube and Netflix

just as much as the next guy

but in increments of time

where ‘ya step away

get up and get out

as ‘ya get older and older and older

it becomes valuable

this ticking thing called

TIME

in a way you didn’t quite get

when you were 16

or in your 20s, 30s,

40s

I look over at 93

sleeping sound

that’s all he’s got now

in his control

is shut-eye

dreaming way up high

on a John Deere

or driving his ‘ole pick-up truck

with his little dog riding shot-gun

if the pandemic taught us anything about anything

at all

it taught us an ounce

of appreciation

for the little things in life

that are big

for a hot second

we were all elderly

or behind bars

locked away

behind a mask

now everybody’s angry about

something or another

or too sad to care

one way or the other

what do ‘ya tell the children

coming up

how do ‘ya protect ‘em

from it all

‘ya can’t

they’re gonna have to be

strong

mentally strong

right outta the gate

to make it

or else

they’re gonna be down

and out

before the bell

even rings

there has to be a foundation

a belief in their being

and all they’re capable of

to leave the world

better

than they found it

in some small way

that adds up

and ripples out

like a drop

of rain

TL

The Coroner

he died

by the lull

of the sea

somewhere

in his sleep

too soon

to enjoy

days in the sun

when the job

was finally

finally

finally

done

and put to rest

left

to another’s hands

for all the comfort

he gave

to a stranger

hurting

25 years of tears

he shed

as he drove his truck

away

from countless

scenes

images that wouldn’t

let him be

of unthinkable things

that happen

day

and night

as the seasons

turn

like the last cry

of a newborn babe

left in a sewer

to die

a

l

o

n

e

he made sure

the baby had a name

a proper burial

a blessing

…

you mattered

little one

and you’ll always, always

have a home …

TL

Letting Go

by the third

day

the dirt

was dust

the clouds

held back

the rain

all the roses

bled out

back to seed

the leaves fell

before fall

sticks stuck

in the desert

it was all a mirage

the well was dry

only fools search

the depths

for gold

believing emerald cities

actually exist

in some forsaken

corner

of the world

where the sea

meets the moon

mirrored in waves

and the stars float up

from the sky

leaving a stone

in its wake

TL

The Good Son

and in the evenings

he heads

down the road

to the pasture

unchanged

where the horses

can hear him come

before he ever steps

outta the truck

taking care of ‘em

has helped him heal

their quiet strength

centers him

he can go and tell ‘em

anything

and everything

or nothing

at all …

it didn’t matter

what he said

or didn’t say

they knew

they could feel it

in the tremble of his hand

in the silent stream

in the bowed head

he didn’t have to try

and hide it

or hold it

in the dusk

the heat or the rain

cold or wind

season to season

out there

on the range

feeding the horses

he’s just a boy

who misses his Mama

and aches for his Daddy

and just wants to make ‘em

proud

TL