Just Away
if you haven’t
a sense
of humor
I haven’t a want
of you
too much of life
is through
not around
or about
under or over
but through
and getting through
it
is a kind of death
as it were
where you die
but don’t die
be it the night
I search your face
for a sunny day
an unplanned split
lift of the lips
that gives way
a way
just away
TL
Emotion
it’s raining
in the woods
and hasn’t let up
the leaves are greener
for it
the roses never looked
as full
the blades of grass
cannot be cut close enough
the bark is black
its ridges gobbling drops
this weather is unwrung
for wings of fancy
and wind-blown strands
the mushrooms pop up
like umbrellas
you’d never know
a turtle was beneath
all the pinecones are wrapped up
tight
the puddles have submerged
the clouds cross
and disappear
the rain is singing its song
the toads seem to enjoy it
the worms are dancing
in mud
someone’s best day
is someone else’s worst
the greatest joy
is connected
to the greatest sorrow
within and without
TL
Self-Imprisoned
there’s a dad
in Oklahoma
who wishes
on every star
in the night sky
that he could go back
in time
he would give anything
in the world
to go back
to that moment when
there was still a choice …
he would’ve never
ever
done cocaine
he would’ve walked away
just walked away
but he can’t go back
in time
what’s done is done
his 4-year-old daughter
and 3-year-old son
aren’t coming back
he keeps looking for them
in his dreams
but the reality is
he found them
in his truck
last summer
after waking from his cocaine-induced slumber
he was sentenced yesterday
in their deaths
serving six or less
but when he gets out
it won’t matter
where he goes
or what he does
he’ll always wake up
in a panic
looking for his children
TL
Eeyore
eye an empty
treadmill
and step on
and go
at this stage
the weight ain’t
the only thing
I’m trying
to get off me
not even close
left
right
and center
there’s always
something
to dodge
rather see it coming
‘ya know
before it knocks me out
cold
hope nobody behind me
on this here treadmill
‘cause they might get hit
in the face
with all the lies
the ones they look ‘ya in the eye
pick up the pace
skip that song
need something more
fitting
that’s better
feel like bricks
on my feet
brownies are flying
1
2
3
4
cookies with chocolate
hit the floor
bowls of alfredo
and stew
and microwave goo
bags of crunch
salty, sweet
and sour
too much sugar
too much salt
and that was jest
yesterday
last week was not pretty
but this morning
I got back on the horsey
more like the mule
a 2-mile hike
trudging to the top
so worth it
the air is lighter
easier to breathe
TL
Dying Inside
the woman
at the window
knows my order
12 egg rolls
and a drink
I like it
when things are
consistently good
so, I don’t deviate
set my timer for 15
and walk on over
to the grocery store
to grab what I need
and go
but yellow
stops me
mid-stride
it’s a baby giraffe
I look at him
and grab his little ear
and swipe him through
self-checkout
and stick him
in the passenger seat
then go get my 12 egg rolls
and get back in the car
devouring 4
as fat splats
hit the windshield
I look over at the giraffe
he has a permanent smile
you’d never know if he was sad
my daughter is out there …
somewhere
driving a gray car
with a yellow sticker: Student Driver
Monday was a blur
yesterday
I ate chicken in my car
and cried
I stopped eating chicken
a few years back
later on
I ended up at the range
and chipped a ton of balls down the hill
and whacked the L out of ‘em back up the hill
onto the green
and felt better
today
I bought a balloon
a baby giraffe balloon
that makes me smile
there was a time
when a big balloon
was all she wanted
2 more days to go …
this whole “letting go” thing
jest ain’t my thing
it ain’t my thing
IT AIN”T MY THING
what am I gonna do
tomorrow
and the day after
that
TL
Fare-Thee-Well
with women
there’s always
something
beneath the surface
things we don’t say
things we put away
sometimes, it’s jest
too exhausting
to explain
so, we speak
of simple things
that don’t need much
of an explanation
we stick to our lists
our relentless lists
of things to do
the short list
the long list
the in-between
the maintaining
of it all
some women
make it look
so effortless
the organized ones
the planners with purpose
I admire them their fortitude
women try their best
to maintain
a sense of balance
in an unbalanced world
we do this in degrees
some days better
than others
we recharge by the sea
when possible
drawing strength
in the quiet morning
air
and the twinkle night
of stars
exercising the mind
and body
the very spirit of one’s soul
should be
more than an idea
or an ideal
but rather
a tangible day-to-day
habit of being
that centers ourselves
for whatever
may befall us
such is life
so much joy
and so much sorrow
in the drop
of a tear
that rolls away
like the rain
on a wedding day
a funeral
or a parade
in the garden
where the roses
bud and bloom
and weep
into a dried wreath
that hangs on the door
or the cover of a coffin
to say hello
or goodbye
fare-thee-well
TL
Centering
took to
the trail
meandering
through a glade
and found
the moon
full
of orange marmalade
the fireflies
took a dip
and came up
in sparks
the air held
its breath
on a soft summer night
as bumblebees
floated in pink fields
down every row
never lingering
too long
on a single petal
as if there was a schedule
to keep
the rabbit too
was in such a rush
as it made a mad dash
across my feet
to the underbrush
the heron though
was in no hurry
still as a statue
as it watched the water
ripple forth
ever camera shy
it took off
to a private oasis
its wing a watercolor
brush
framed in a mere
moment of moonlight
etched across waves
I took the portrait
home
and hung it
in the gallery
TL
A Thief in the Night
I went
to get in my car
yesterday
and opened the door
to stuff strewn
and my first thought was
I can’t believe she left it like this
thinking my daughter had rifled through the car
looking for her sunglasses
but she denied it
so my next thought was
I can’t believe he left it like this
thinking my husband had rifled through the car
looking for who-knows-what
but he denied it
then it hit me
somebody done broke in my car!
but they didn’t have to pry the door open
‘cause I leave my doors unlocked
yeah, yeah, yeah
I know
jest one more thing to have to remember to do
now
after I processed the situation
I couldn’t help but laugh
‘cause this guy picked the wrong vehicle
to pocket
when he opened the console
he probably thought to himself
what the L is all this crap!
he was looking for the good stuff
but all he saw
was a jam-packed mess
of miscellaneous
nothing
not worth a cent on the Internet
or the pawn shop
it was like somebody opening my closet
and getting hit by an avalanche
he didn’t even get to the bottom
he got halfway through the console
and was like
the L with this … I ain’t got time for this!
I mean I’m a little insulted
he gave up that quick
I coulda had a brick of gold
at the bottom of my console
it mighta been plastic
but still
then I got to thinking
about this person
who goes around lifting handles
in driveways
‘til he finds one open
I mean you gotta be in a desperate situation
or something
if you’re going around in the dark of night
checking car doors
from house to house
looking for something to sell
and make a quick buck
it’s a big risk
with little reward
I mean
come on
you could get shot
“in the buttocks”
or put in jail
JAIL
is it really worth it
yeah, no
how do you become
a thief in the night
it doesn’t happen overnight
a series of events
lead to a fork in the road
and you gotta choose quick-like
given your situation
which way to go
if you’ve got nothing to lose
you’ve got nothing to lose
if you’ve got everything to lose
you’ve got everything to lose
it all depends
I hope this guy woke up
this morning thinking
I’m tired of this shhhhhh …
it ain’t worth it
no more
TL
Tell me a Story with a Happy Ending
we are
but a memory
too complex
to be captured
on camera
of places
we’ve been
of people
we’ve met
of moments
too big
to be small
a shared experience
of being
that we carry
within us
all the emotions
that flow
suspended
in time
i’ve looked
in the eyes
of creatures
big and small
who will go
before
or after
they do not dwell
less they’ve outlived
their shell
their exterior being
traveling alone now
lost in the maze of the mind
the sunlight dappling
through the clouds
running like a child
through the rain
we meet at the river
and watch the leaves fall
from sticks
and sail away
quiet
unto the sea
it was good to be here
with you
and all the memories
stacked like books
too many to read
at once
the pages blur together
blank
like the beginning
before there was a word
a story … to tell
and remember
TL
The Legacy of Mr. Moore
from time
to time
over the years
I’ve thought of
Mr. Moore
and his gentle nature
he was one of my favorite
teachers
of all time
he never taught me math
or English
or history
or science
or Spanish
or health
or how to hit a ball
or score a point
or make a meal
he taught me instead
patience
he would sit over there
on the passenger side
and calmly guide me
onto the roadway
I loved to make him laugh
so I’d purposely step on the gas
to get his reaction
he always laughed
and tried to scold me
with a straight face
we laughed a lot
together
with me behind the wheel
and him hitting the brake
now
it makes me cry when I think of him
sitting over there so patient
and encouraging
and calm
he had that Mr. Rogers vibe about him
he was so kind
to all of us
none of us really knew what we were doing
but he could see our potential
I’ve been thinking of Mr. Moore a lot
of late
as I sit on the passenger seat
pressing my foot to the floorboard
like he did
I’m not quite as calm
as Mr. Moore
but I think he’d be proud of me
and definitely proud of her
she got her learner’s permit Tuesday
and by 6:15am the next morning
she was driving me all the way
to the MALL
I cannot put into words how that felt
I lie awake at night thinking
maybe I dreamed that
alas
time moves on
and on
and on
when I click my seatbelt
into place
I smile
and think of Mr. Moore
he was all about safety first
talked a lot about it
and I’d just laugh
and hit the gas
my daughter and I
are like hyenas
thumping along
to her music
through every neighborhood
in town
Mr. Moore never played music
when he was teaching
but I feel like
he’s in the backseat
laughing along with us
enjoying the beat
with his seatbelt
firmly in place
TL
The Secret to Happiness
it was
your birthday
not mine
but you gave me
a gift
then another one
that you knew
I’d love
spending some of the money
daddy gave you
to spend on yourself
you spent on me
I was so surprised …
I thought it was a joke
and as you watched me
open each one
with tears
I could see how happy you were
for me
TL
Retinol Rant
when ‘ya
go and buy a jar
of cream
for yo face
and apply it at nighttime
like the directions say
and you expect to see a difference
in those lines under yo eyes
but wake up blinking and thinking
whoa … wait a minute
what!
WHAT THE L
this wrinkle cream
was supposed to fade the lines
not indent them into the skin
and multiply ‘em by 10
OVERNIGHT
I mean
really
REALLY
that lady with the great skin
on the tube
lied
SHE LIED
that jar of retinol she’s been religiously using fer three years
mighta made her skin smooth and wrinkle-free
but all it did fer me
was sear my skin
with scraping fork tracks
plowed under my eyes
like tire tracks on the beach
after it rains
I literally looked better
before
BEFORE
TL
All the While
I sit
by water
and watch it wrinkle
over stone
no longer smooth
I am aging
too
TL
Belief
we met
in fifth grade
he had probably
been taught to be nice
to the kids who look lonely
and pathetic
i had been sitting on the bleachers
by myself
when he walked up to me
one day
and sat beside me
he was very confident
and easy to talk to
he made straight As
and was born and bred to bleed
Crimson
he knew nothing about me
or what i’d been through
by the time i met him
i had already experienced
so much trauma and heartache
and loss
4 years prior
i never told him any of that
he just saw the surface things
he would become my best friend
over the years
and the most influential person
i knew back then
he was a high achiever
with natural leadership abilities
and all of a sudden
here was this kid
with so much potential
believing in me
at a time when i had lost all belief
in anything good
i was held back in third grade
and again in fifth grade
not because i was stupid
but because a bitter divorce
would leave its scars
and a huge void
after my father moved away
leaving me in an emotionally abusive environment
fueled by domestic violence and alcohol
i felt like i had lost everything
the dream of having a family
was gone
i didn’t care about anything
anymore
especially school
but it takes just one person
to believe in you
to change your course
and that’s what he did for me
i went from Fs to As
i wanted to impress him
so, i rose to his level
or tried to
looking back
I realize
I expected way too much from him
expected him to fill all this emptiness and sorrow
inside me
when nobody can do that
for anybody
you gotta do that for yourself
a fifth grader just wants to fit in
and belong
and that’s what his friendship did for me
and I will always
be grateful
that somehow i met him
at such a critical time
in my life
when i needed stability
something to hold on to
he balanced out all the bad stuff
and made me believe
i could do anything
be anything
belief is
and always will be
a powerful thing
thank you
TL
The Blanket
I went back
for you
on the middle mile
‘cause I couldn’t leave you
there
and I’m sorry it took me
so long
to get to you
there was so much stuff
to sift through
and sort out
but I worked day and night
weekends and holidays
I kept at it
picking things up
and examining them
then putting them back down
before moving on
to the next piece
not all the pieces fit
together
and some were missing
never to be found
but there was enough there
to see you
sitting there
in the corner
right where I left you at
all those years ago
the sun illuminated
your shadow
and as I walked closer
grass appeared
where you were sitting
it was so green
and I never saw the sky so blue
wildflowers appeared
all over the place
and the wind picked up
moving me closer and closer
I saw the bridge
and I knew I had to cross it
to reach you
even though I was afraid
it was up so high
and stretched so far
I did not want to fall
I looked down
and just kept my eyes focused on my feet
and kept moving
forward
taking baby steps
and eventually
I reached where you were
and bent down
and picked you up
you were shaking
wet with tears
but I rocked you
and sang you a song
a blanket appeared
and I wrapped it snug around you
and held you all night long
it seemed like you needed me the most
at night
so, I stayed with you
every night
and rocked you
back and forth
humming
until your breathing
evened out
and I could feel your body
begin to relax
I watched you
close your eyes
and I watched you open them
the next day
and how you reached down
to touch the dirt
but felt the grass
and how you looked at me
with those same eyes
and said,
i knew you’d come back for me
i knew you would
someday …
and i knew you’d bring me
a blanket
TL
Oprah
you were
my mentor
through middle school
through high school
through college
through marriage
through motherhood
through aging
through the then
through the now
past and present
your voice
your words
your wisdom
have helped guide me
to a better understanding
of myself
of others
never more so
than now
with your long-standing work
beside Dr. Perry
realized in book form:
“What Happened to You?”
on the second page of Chapter 1
i had to put it down
as the words blurred away
into the sea
“From as early as I can remember,
I knew I was on my own.”
when you said this …
it was like you were speaking
directly to me
to the me no one knows
or sees
or understands
but in those simple words
i felt utterly understood
you know where i came from
and how hard it was
for this sensitive child
who found herself stuck in a storm
with no protection
the child played pretend
and put on a smile
and soldier on to school
acting as if she were young
when in fact she was an adult
in the body of a child
who had already learned
the hardest lessons
in life
while we’ve never spoken
a word
i know you know me
and i you
you were there in the room
with your calm and reassuring voice
telling me
child, it’s gonna be ok – you’re gonna be ok
from 1986 to present day
you are still telling me
child, it’s gonna be ok – you’re gonna be ok
i am
so grateful
you were given the gift
of communication
and how you gave that gift away
for free
to the pauper
to the prince
to the queen
to the servant
to the king
to the slave
to the child
to the adult
you were teaching master classes
all along
and i was sitting there in your great classroom
learning and learning and learning
i’m still learning
and learning and learning and learning
the greatest teachers teach
from a sacred place
that knows no boundary
in all the languages of the world
thank you
thank you
thank you
TL
92
years
where they go?
I hear you laugh and shake your head
and shrug your shoulders and simply say,
I don’t know … I really don’t …
but I wouldn’t change a thing
as you look at the pictures
in your mind
a beautiful bride
there by your side
strong as steel
and five kids come along
bringing joy beyond measure
and after a time
the grandkids
come along
with their laughter
and tears
and after a time
the great-grandkids
come along
with their little songs
to sing
and lullabies
it was always a party
at your house
something to celebrate
think you showed us all
how to live
Happy Birthday to you, Papa
and many, many more …
TL
Thoughts
it’s a jumble
a tumble
a mumble
a fumble
a rumble
a bumble
a humble
TL
Elements
a solitaire
snowflake
floating in air
can land
so soft
and melt away
into the earth
as does a drop
of rain
gentle
into the soil
a breath of wind
can barely
be felt
against the face
on other days
the snow
can trap you in
side
the rain
can flood your street
your house
and the wind
can roar
your roof off
do damage
and then
it’s quiet
too quiet
as the storms
move across
to the other side
raging
somewhere
else
the sun
rises
warm
and slow
unless
it’s summer
in the south
it can be scorching hot
without protection
wear a hat
TL
Pennies in the Well
before there was
a place
to put the well
before there was
a spot
a space
a child made
and covered over
there were 7 rusty pennies
decades later
alone in the sand
she went digging
the excavation took
For
Ever
After
but one day
in the Month of March
with the wind on waves
she kneeled down
in the water
and found 3 pennies
the ones she wished on
at the fountain
when there was nothing
but sound
of them sinking
down
to the bottom
TL