Ink in the Blood Posts

Silent Suffering

what words

are never spoken

loud

that hurting

i first heard

relentless

in the weeping

the baby cried

in a corner crib

where too many

lie

in worthless waiting …

for who

for what

for when

for where

for why

the door opens

the door closes

again and again and again

a thousand times

the opening and closing

of doors

walked through

and away

triggered tears

follow first steps

into tomorrow

if ever left

then you know

leaving never leaves

a body

becoming an expected thing

in the unexpected moment

it lies

quiet

in the corner

waiting …

for who

for what

for when

for where

for why

TL

Dear Dad,

still take walks

by the water

found a new place

reminds me a little

of the park

across the street

we’d walk

not as nice

though

but peaceful

the geese are at home

here

they look like swans

on water

just as serene

as they glide by

they won’t be here forever

one day

they’ll fly in formation

to some other somewhere

but not today

today they’re here

with me

TL

Passage

the

r

o

a

d

gobbles up spools

of white thread

sewn down the center seam

and spits it out

in patches

quilted over

yards of green

TL

Marshall Mathers

last night

had a crazy dream

that I was sitting there

by myself

watching the Oscars

waiting for Rene

and I heard a familiar beat

when they showed a clip of 8-Mile

‘bout how music and movies can be magic

and then there he is

in the flesh

rising from the floor

bobbing to the beat

rapping what he wrote

what he won an Oscar for …

“Look, if you had one shot or one opportunity

to seize everything you ever wanted in one moment

would you capture it, or just let it slip?

Yo …”

TL

When it Rains

small me

would watch

t

h

e

r

a

i

n

f

a

l

l

i

n

g

and think

God is sad

TL

Just Away

in the quiet

i can hear the wind

brush against the clouds

brown blades turning green

seaweed in the sea

the tumbling of stones

in a river

weeping white butterflies

touch the face

of flowers

dancing in the wheat

the rain drops

down

gentle at first

before it floods

the street

and drowns the dream

underwater

it breathes

bending beams

in waves

nothing is hard

tears in water

never fall

TL

“Flowers for Algernon”

this was

required reading

that required writing

that required thinking

the tears were optional

it was one of those books early on

that stayed with you

all the way through

now my middle-school daughter

has it in her backpack

required to read it

required to write about it

required to think about it

the tears were optional

TL

To The Light

we do not

ask

to be born

none of us

do

and we that are

here

find out early

enough

that here

is no home

yet we stay

for a time

learning and re-learning

how to survive

and somewhere

in it

we learn

why we are here

not in function or form

process or purpose

but a matter

of depth

without measure or mile

for love is our lesson

for rich or for poor

not of the five senses

or the steps of becoming

well-traveled, rehearsed

in a life

full of distraction

there is this certainty

we carry inside

for if you have loved

like there was no love

in the world

and it broke you open

by its volume and weight

leaving particles of dust

in the air

then you know why

why you are here

and why one day

you too will disappear

from being

and like all things living

… return

TL

Delite

if it’s not

one thing … it’s

girl-scout-cookies

can’t say

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

to toothless pink pigtails

hopping up and down

with her curbside crew

chanting

she jest wouldn’t understand …

no-thank you-dear-everything hurts-when-you-get-old-

and-one-day-you’ll-understand-

and-have-20pounds-to-lose-and-unexpected things-

will-set-ya-back-a-notch-or-two-or-three-and-the-last-thing-ya-need-to-do-

is-devour-a-box-of-caramel delite-in-1.2

toothless grins wider when I hand her a $20

for five boxes of delite

and tells me what a GREAT choice I made

and as I walked away laughing at life

and heard them chanting to the next customer

I realized it was a great

choice

TL

Avalon

and even though

the red

of Christmas is gone

and the twinkle lights

went dark

and the trees all went

back in the box

or thrown out

to the street

and all the gifts are opened

and closed

like the year turned over

in memory

staring out

a lone winter window

at a field of gray sticks

their branches still strung

in drops that glisten

there was this gift

unopened

an ornament left

out on a limb

shining bright and round and

red

TL

Buried Bulbs

the water

ain’t clear

on the banks

of an Alabama line

but you go in anyway

like the rain does

and it’s hard to move in mud

wearing heavy boots

and a bag on your back

but there’s no way around it

but through

in the evening of an endless day

you imagine the daffodils unearthed

all lit up in the field

and you can feel their light

so strong within

they made it out of the mud

found a clearing

and pushed on through

nine months went by

and it’s good to see the sky

no longer dark or gray or blurred

but blue

TL

Cattle

that was

no way

to die

haunted by

that was

no way

to die

those dying days

that led to death

saved you

from the suffering

I would

so many hard things

of this world

experienced and observed

and often thought

just why

why does it have to be

this hard

why did it have to be that hard

isn’t there another way

has to be

… a better way

and I remember what you said to me

on a sunny-blue sky-bird breeze-day

and how I didn’t understand

how you could say such a thing

such a terrible thing

on that sunny-blue sky-bird breeze-day

I didn’t understand

TL

Stars at Night

broomstick trees

are swaying

in the rain

swept away the leaves

bare as bone

were it not for the lights

of Christmas

who could bear it

alone

TL

The Kite

birds in a

V

invisibly attached

to the kid

in me

unwinds in the sky

like a wake of water

before the fog lifts

or a traction of snow

a sled left

or the trail of a gown

as it glides

away

TL

Awareness

time is

but

temporary

so sayeth

the fallen petal

where they bury thou

underfoot

above the sky

so blue

the sun sits

with clouds

before it sleeps

and wakes again

the day no longer new

to one

yet to the other

brief before it breaks

in infancy

there were no words

aware the light

shadows in the room

the heart is heard

beating in the chamber

beyond what is real

the music plays

offstage

TL

Love Like That

the first time

you want for something

so much it hurts

and you’re told “no.”

is that the moment when

it kicks in

the c o n d i t i o n s

of love

little children seem to know

they just innately know

how to love something

or someone

without a promise

or a prize

there are no conditions

to it

it’s like they’re lit up from within

with an abundance of LOVE

so much so

they can’t contain it

so they give it all

away

without any thought

or hesitation

or expectation

it is the purest

simplest

most profound

love

there is in the world

the love that needs no return

it just is

and it’s what we search for

in the end

TL

Weighing on my Mind

5am

can’t sleep

make coffee

and listen to the train

huffing and puffing

down the tracks

sun’s creeping up

through the trees

and all the leaves

are hanging on

a moment more

before they spiral down

the winds are coming

awash with rain

time keeps moving

before I can

catch up

laying the plate down

taking it back up

did you remember what you ate

think I need a smaller plate

20 pounds

back to the gym I go

‘cause the gym at home

ain’t seen me

in a while

rice

noodles

and bread

“Oh, My”

looked up optimal weight online

5’1” should weigh 112

yeah, I weighed 110

back when

lots of living since then

“muscle weighs more than fat”

kept telling myself that

I don’t want to be 110 again

but 120

that’s the magic number

not sure which is HARDER

losing weight …

or maintaining it …

yeah, both

TL

Ashley

in a month

she’ll be

what she

always wanted

to be

married

she turned 26

in July

and teaches

kids in the classroom

what they ought to know

when she was a little girl

she’d line up her dolls

on the couch

and pace in front of them

talking

telling them what to do

and they always listened to everything

she had to say

she had an amazing imagination

she could have been an actress

I could see her doing those Hallmark Christmas movies

but she’d rather have the real thing

to fall in love for real

to open her wedding gifts today

one step closer

to standing beside him

the love of her life

looking into his eyes

saying, “I do”

TL

The Prayer

it snowed

in Birmingham

today

it started falling fast

last Sunday

and now the ground

is frozen solid

and everything is winter white

and hushed

like when they bring

the baby out

for the mother

and the father

to hold

promises are made

in that moment

whispered like a prayer

that only God can hear

and even as the years

open and fold

and the baby changes form

becomes an adult

the parent prayer remains

ever wrapped in mortal flesh

the gift of time

is a clock on earth

that stops ticking

today or tomorrow

but in Heaven

time is a continuous thing

like a circle

… unbroken

TL

Under the Stars

on the bridge

over the railroad tracks

in a tiny town I know

long lines of cars on the street

look like strands of twinkle lights

blinking white on a Christmas night

their red bulbs burning bright

leaving puffs of smoke in the air

and when they’ve all gone home

to their tree

I wonder of the street

stretched long

and all the steps that walk it

unlit

TL