Ink in the Blood Posts

Springtime

in the quiet

stillness

spring grows

stronger

a prelude

to summer

and an ending

to winter

perhaps nowhere

does it seem

such

TL

as i am

when i was

a child

i disappeared

inside myself

and locked the door

it was a way to cope

with the uncontrollable

circumstances i found myself in

i felt like a prisoner

time forgot

and it didn’t matter where i went

or what i achieved

or what dreams i had

i couldn’t escape

even when i physically had

moved out and on

the inner child

was still stuck

in uncontrollable circumstances

beyond my control

my need for control in all things

is apparent

I crave simplicity

simple things like taking a walk

i took a lot of walks growing up

i felt at peace in nature

there was connection there

an unspoken truth

i knew no matter how dark the night

the sun would rise in the morning

i knew that daffodils would go away and come back again

like the monarchs

i knew the trees offered shade and strength

i knew the sun would kiss the water

and diamonds would appear

like stars in the sky

i knew the wind would fill me

the rain renew me

the sunlight sustain me

these were things i could count on

things that didn’t require

anything of me

for they were free

those were the gifts

He gave

to me

TL

Into the Night

the black sky

spit out the stars

and when they hit the ground

they shattered

into drops

that disappeared

into the dirt

years go by

24 years

and a forest appears

bringing birds

that sing

TL

Fields

she colors

the sun yellow

and brings down the ray

to the green grass

that moves like the leaves

in the weeping trees

fluid like clouds in blue water

I lie down

and pick a flower

and twirl it round

and watch a squirrel scurry up

down

where the birds are

the turtle takes its time

to get to the other side

the rabbit’s chewing a carrot

the cows are chewing grass

the horse is chewing hay

the ladybug’s chewing a leaf

a butterfly takes a dance

across the wind

the hummingbird checks in

there are shadows on the ground

mountains in the distance

a garden full of roses

red apples in the trees

purple grapes on the vine

a path that leads

to a cottage

the windows are yellow

like the daffodils by the door

that come back waving

each year

TL

Dollhouses

it never

occurred to me

why

I love dollhouses

so much

why a grown adult

would rather have a dollhouse

with a miniature family

and all its miniature pieces

over diamonds and gold

a dollhouse symbolizes

something constant

something secure

it’s a lovely, happy, peaceful place

to live

the orphan in me

loves the little family

that lives in the little house

with all its little things

the mom in the kitchen

the dad at the table

the baby in its crib

they’re all together

forever

TL

…

she sat

by the sea

TL

Hallway

after you

went and died

your son gave me

a packet of pictures of you

for my birthday

I saw you as a young man

but my favorite

was the picture of when

you were a boy

in a blazer and tie

the look in your eyes

was the same I remembered

I put that picture in a frame

and put it by my bed

‘cause it helped me sleep at night

remembering you like that

it helped me deal with your death

waking up and going to bed

and walking around

and around

it’s been a year

a little over a year

and it doesn’t hurt like it did

I hung your picture on the wall

‘cause I can finally sleep at night

without you there

beside me

TL

Flickering

there are

violets in Tanzania

blue violets

picked in the mines

the darker the day

the more brilliant the color

like a diamond

in a black box

a star at night

TL

Unparalleled

the aging process

is a quiet thing

like a knife

that runs along the skin

first you don’t even realize

just stings and goes away

you go make plans

on summer days

and all the while

the cut creeps down

the middle

and there’s an ache

that wasn’t there

and you forget

what you were gonna say

the phone rings

so you talk about that

and it’s tomorrow already

your child is grown

that place on the corner closed

the two-lane turned four

so and so just had a baby

you gotta find something to wear

to that thing

when did it get so cold

foot’s cramping

the knee stops running

stuck on a wheel

hair’s losing color

skin’s losing layers

the neck starts dropping

the face has a ripple effect

that spreads all over

the body

you’d rather stay home

and watch it on television

yeah, it hurts

to get old

I’ve watched it

on others

saw it for myself

the slow decay

and what it does

to you

mentally

physically

emotionally

the cut gets torn

wide open

like a broken zipper

on a jacket

you can’t close

when did it get so cold

colder still

TL

The Lessons

here

is where

i remember things

and turn them over

sometimes it takes me years

to understand

the smallest thing

the study of it

in its nature

that even then

i was learning something

useful

that i would need

for later on

TL

“Eye of the Tiger”

last night

SEC football fans

got a title show

and they didn’t have to pay for HBO

mere minutes

can change history

as any fighter knows

Alabama did not tote that trophy home

what a way to start 2017

in a Sports Illustrated piece

I read about the opposing coach

and how he showed his team

a clip of Rocky II

see, that just ain’t fair

you can’t mess with that mindset

they all thought they were Rocky out there

and not even the Tide can roll over

dat

TL

Rambling

the pumpkin

on the porch

looked like

a scoop of ice cream

that splat off the cone

leftover from October

like a tree in December

all the shipments of roses in February

are dust by March

that’s how it is

a picture can’t capture it

it’s not the same

the weight of a pumpkin in its prime

its bright orange color

speaks of pies and hayrides

and then it’s time to pick out a tree

or find the fake one

and dress it up

from head to toe

then strip it bare

and toss it to the curb

or stuff it back in the corner

the glitter of New Years

has been swept up

off the floor

all the shelves are full

of hearts and flowers

and stuffed teddy bears

those stupid commercials

a diamond is not forever

there’s the idea of love

and then there’s real love

everybody thinks they’re in love

until they’re not

I still think

if you truly love somebody

you will love them

for all of your life

it won’t be a choice

TL

Natural Light

the branches

are wet with rain

and chilled with ice

I see them winking

in my window

a string of twinkle lights

plugged into the sun

they need no night

TL

Mesmerize

think

I know

better now

for better do I know

myself

when once I would deny

repute or dispel

all the adjectives

think I know better

now

the truth

the telescopic lens

tunnels to the moon

it cuts out all the stars

and space

when one wonders

of the galaxy

beyond one’s lighted face

none of us belong

below

there is a lift of all

to rise above

such sorrow

and hear the bells

that toll

a compilation piece

of season

silent in its movement

like aging

at our birth

the disappearance

that is death

TL

Luggage

I walked

to the water

and knelt by the sea

the suitcase I carry

got too heavy for me

I don’t need that anymore

I said to the woolly blanket

and I threw it out to shore

I don’t need that anymore

I said to the dear diary

and I threw it out to shore

I don’t need that anymore

I said to the open empty jar

and I threw it out to shore

I don’t need that anymore

I said to the dried dark rose

and I threw it out to shore

I don’t need that anymore

I said to the cinder block brick

and I threw it out to shore

I don’t need that anymore

I said to the worn out right shoe

and I threw it out to shore

I don’t need that anymore

I said to the worn out left shoe

and I threw it out to shore

I don’t need that anymore

I said to the broken crack mirror

and I threw it out to shore

I don’t need that anymore

I said to the soft hard snowball

and I threw it out to shore

I don’t need that anymore

I said to the winter white candle

and I threw it out to shore

I don’t need that anymore

I said to the gold gilded music box

and I threw it out to shore

I don’t need that anymore

I said to the picture and its place

and I threw it out to shore

I don’t need that anymore

I said to the one-way ticket

and I threw it out to shore

I don’t need that anymore

I said to the hermit crab shell

and I threw it out to shore

I don’t need that anymore

I said to the black dress I wore

and I threw it out to shore

I don’t need that anymore

I said to the envelope

and I threw it out to shore

I don’t need that anymore

TL

Work

all along

there are moments

that stop us

humans need that

the breathtaking

and the heartbreaking

these moments make you reaccess

internally

as you take it all in

where you are in life

how happy or how unhappy you might be

what you love about your life

and what you don’t

nothing jest happens

or is

without a bit of work

you’re not jest healthy ‘cause you woke up and took a breath

it takes work

your space isn’t jest clean and clear and calm jest ‘cause it is

it takes work

you don’t jest reach your goals jest ‘cause you wrote ‘em down

it takes work

you don’t jest become more than you are by standing still

it takes work

you don’t jest fall in love and stay in love

it takes work

you don’t jest plant a garden and walk away and expect it to grow

it takes work

you don’t jest up and understand how you came to be

it takes work

you don’t jest change yourself for the better

without working on yourself

every day

it takes work

TL

Layers

each year

around this time

I resolve

to simply

s i m p l i f y

and each year

I’m still sitting here

trying to resolve

maybe that’s why I love

the ocean so much

‘cause it’s wide-open

with nothing on the surface

but a passing sailboat

I love land, too

‘cause it’s wide-open

could walk for days

and days

then rest under a tree

and keep walking

but here in the real world

there are layers and layers and layers and layers

of stuff

everywhere I look

I long for a truck

and the resolution to fill it up

with all this stuff

and drive it off (a cliff)

however many times

it takes

to feel that feeling

that wide-open feeling

to be minimal

my life is far from minimal

I’d like to move

just so I could box it all up

and stand in empty rooms

like when the house was first built

and there was nothing in it

but I know you have to have a chair

to sit in

a table to put your plate on

a bed to lie down in

and an outlet to plug it all up

the television, the Internet, high-def, surround sound,

the blender, the toaster, the frig, the stove, the washer, the dryer, the lamp, the rest

gotta have my music

my books

my paintings

my pictures

my equipment

all the pretty pieces

too much beauty

and that’s just the top layer

there’s the junk layer

the sentimental layer

the wardrobe layer

the gadget layer

the bulk layer

the storage layer

the why in the world layer

the gift layer

the decoration layer

the can’t get rid of layer

BUT I CAN

I can get rid of it

I have that choice

I can methodically sift through the layers

and purge

so, why haven’t I

done that

yet

here and there I have

but you’d never know it

‘cause getting rid of layers

takes time

and energy

a toll

but more than anything else

it takes resolve

a tanker truck load

of resolve

(and a giant cliff)

TL

More Than This

there’s a fence

around the field

to keep the cattle

in place

the horse at gait

an old Oak

umbrellas the sun

slows the descent

needling down

the wind’s force

subdued

a stray dog

wanders around

sniffing for home

stacks of hay

rolled tight like twine

the bare minimum

nothing but space

like you could walk forever

and figure it out

why you’re here

a sunset in the sky

slowly closes its eyes

a black blanket

of warmth

the last of the embers

sleep is an absolution

rest without death

it doesn’t matter

in those hours

of fade

TL

Here and Now

I took

a walk

to clear

the clouds

my eyes

on the ground

I miss the morning

ray

glittering on the grass

that feeling

that life is circular

back to the beginning

the first page

the closer you get

to understanding

the further you are

from it

standing in snow

the trees are dripping

tomorrow it’ll be

slush

Monday you’ll never know

it snowed

the grass will need cutting

green tomatoes

will turn red

white flowers become

berries

grapes on the vine

apples hanging by a limb

the pits and seeds and rinds

peeling back time

am I better or worse

I can hear the train

the church bells ringing

tomorrow it’ll rain

you walked by

and didn’t know me

I sit back down

and wait

my turn

TL

Guinevere

she’s somewhere

in Tennessee

still playing with black bears

and picking lavender

from her hair

awake with the moon

pointing up at the stars

and giving them names

she pulls out her guitar

and sings

and I wonder if she’s happy

not the ha ha happy

but the I’m-living-my-little-girl-dream-happy

there in the wilderness

of winter and wildflowers

mountain streams

in mist

her footprints worn on the path

the birds are chirping

like crickets

and raindrops

and I think I heard her

humming

TL