Going Through
she’ll be
16 soon
and I’d like to say
I’m ok with it
that I’m fine
that I don’t mind
that it’s nothing
just a part of life
part of growing up
and out
I see all these kids
she went to pre-school with
get in their cars
their trucks
their Jeeps
and take off
and I wanna cry
I just wanna sit there and cry
but I just wave
and smile
and watch ‘em go by
all these bright beautiful butterflies
by the time you get to this point
as a parent
it’s a lot
don’t kid yourself
that it’s not
TL
Only if … you Let it
life has
a way
of sanding you
into shape
each heartbreaking moment
chisels you
deeper
into something
you weren’t prepared to be
or feel
or accept
it is a painful process
that ages you
when you experience
a tragic thing
like loss
or betrayal
or self-sabotage
you have no choice
what’s done is done
all you know for sure
is how much it hurt
and i wonder if this makes you
less willing
to try
next time
or the next
or the next
do you hesitate now
think things through
less trusting
less open
less willing
to move
are you lessened by life
or extended by it
do you let your mind lead
never the heart
keep the heart locked
cautious
controlled
contained
you refrain
avoid
become inaccessible
guarded
nobody gets through the gate
the pigeon has flown
no trace
an old lion now paces
back and forth
at the gate
TL
First and Last
swept some dew
drop
diamonds
and put ‘em
in my pocket
pretending
it ain’t really
all that bad
picked up my magic
wand
and found a green
that accepts me
as i am
in the quiet
of a song
i listen and learn
wrote so many
in my mind
the moon split in half
one hangs high in the sky
the other fell flat
on its face
there’s always a price
a ransom
a deposit
some say love is free
methinks they never knew
love at all
or had a clue
an inkling
a grain
there was no weeping
in the willows
for not a one
of ‘em
as they stood in their shiny silver shoes
on the bank of the mountain
afraid of the mud
the muck
it is a soiled rotten wretched thing
to love
to let love take you
in such a way
as this
complete
people pick and choose
the parts of love
they like
and leave the rest
behind
nobody wants a dead rose
the fresh fragrance gone
the color drained from face
petals crumbling underfoot
it’s easy to admire a blooming beginning
not so much
the fallen flower
curled up
and gone
but the wind
in its wild ways
gave it its first breath
before it ever blossomed beauty
and ruffled its layers
sending its scent
into the ether
in the sway
the gentle sway
it let the flower rest
and rise
wipe its eyes
and when the petals
were too weak
to hold on
a moment more
the wind in its infinite wisdom
lifted each up
and carried ‘em
to the water’s edge
and let ‘em
find their way
in
and the water
sighed
in its ripples
reaching out
for it had been waiting
so long
all along
for the rose
to finally return
to its center
the center of its being
its becoming
its belonging
but first
it had to let go …
of the stem
it’d been clinging
and be fearless
to fall
a
w
a
y
TL
You Love What You Love
there’s a blue
pond
on the wall
the watercolor
has bled
out to the edge
of the paper
like the other
side
of the ocean
not sure where
it went
but i like to think
it’s ever … flowing
for small hands
made it
so …
TL
Over the Rainbow
at the end
of May
we brought her home
wrapped up
like a tight burrito
with the moon in our eyes
the sun high
nothing but blue skies
gently
we put her in the backseat
me beside her
and drove 35mph
over Second Avenue bridge
i saw nothing
but her
as we went along
down the road
rounding the corner
the bend
down the driveway
through the door
now … 15 years later
i sit in the backseat
alone
and i see nothing
but her
as she hops up
into her Daddy’s truck
adjusts the seat
the wheel
checks the mirror
and drives us
carefully
out the driveway
down the street
around the corner
the bend
over Second Avenue bridge
all the way down
the road
straight to Panama
outside the sun shone
bright and beautiful
nothing but blue skies
gentle breeze
inside it rained
in the ray
quiet drops
that slipped to sea
rolling into waves
rushing over sand
and shell
splashing seagulls
and holding up boats
overhead a rainbow
appeared on paper
an empty box of crayons
on the floor
every color was used
TL
Dear Dad,
at the edge
of foam
looking out
to sea
your silver boat
no longer gleams
your plastic face
fell off
long ago
never knew nothing
harder
than watching you
disappear
still stopped by silver hair
i just stand and stare
but it’s never you
could of sworn it was
but it never is
i walk away
pushing your boat
back out
i go find something
to eat
something to drink
a bed to sleep
and i wake up
again
in the quiet
wish i’d recorded
your laugh
so i could play it back
when things get
off track
and i can’t seem
to see
what i need to see
photos lie
anybody can smile
for a second
the joy of being
with someone you truly love
is a circle
without numbers
without seconds without minutes
without hours
there is no yesterday
no today
no tomorrow
the past, the present, the future
matters not
not on this watch
this clock
there is no start
no stop
it just is
TL
Just Be
when things
drop away
what’s left
in each life
there is a shedding
of sorts
whether it’s intentional
or unintentional
we shed
i truly believe
a 3-year-old child
already knows
the secret to life
and all we do
is try …
to get back
to that
that knowing
that unknowing
that place
that is truly free
and pure
and sacred
within thy self
to clear away
the unnecessary
things
that keep us stuck
is necessary
to see the reflection
clearly
the sea before the sun
is like that
there is a constant
way
in which it moves
that fills the eye
with the same scene
of centuries past
the water ripples
across
reaching forth
and retreating back
flowing continuously
like music
like wind
the sea is a symphony
a song within a song
and when you’re 3
you carry the sea
with you
at all times
no matter where
you go
or who
you’re with
everything flows
effortlessly
TL
Written Words
“Injustice any
where
is a threat
to justice
every
where.
We are caught
in an
inescapable network
of mutuality,
tied in a single
garment of destiny.
What
ever affects 1
directly,
affects A11
indirectly.”
MLK
Confetti in the Rain
you bought
the works
but I missed
your show
stayed at home
kneading pizza dough
the ball dropped
where in New York City
wouldn’t know
missed the count
closed my eyes
and opened ‘em
on 22
blew out the candles
and said adieu
but Peter Pan says NO
don’t ever say goodbye
never say goodbye
‘cause goodbye
means going away
and going away means
forgetting
lest I forget
all of it
all the good
all the bad
all the happy
all the sad
it’s yours
and it’s mine
we in the world
know it
too well
can’t have the candle
without the cake
else we’d never know
the difference
between a summer’s day
and a winter’s night
ice cubes melting
in the mug
I wonder where
time goes
when it’s not with me
where does it go
when it quietly leaves
the room
and goes off
the clock
I’d like it back
you know
all the time
I wasted
on worry
what I would of done
had I known
you only get that one
summer in the sun
before it turns
January 1
TL
Beneath the Stone
when the sky
was blue
it was a wing
that lifted me
off
way away
and i saw myself
from a great distance
radiating
like a diamond
dripping in the sea
that changes form
depending on the direction
of the light
too many diamonds
drown
i can see that
now
they fell
when no one
was around
the ink well
spilled
and made a mess
all over blue
it was as if
there was no day
no new day
all brand new
the pitch had
become
the day and the night
a clock that stopped
ticking
but way away
far from fear
the sky was blue
the clouds a puffy white
the wind a whisper
like a melody
and there i slept
for all my days
and all my nights
playing in the rain
walls of rain
that kept me safe
and sound
I still open the door
when it rains
so I can hear it better
and feel it
f
a
l
l
to the ground
deep down
into the ground
the dark cold
hard ground
where the sky
is always blue
and the sea
the endless sea
shimmers in the light
weightless diamonds
floating up
blinking and winking
like a star
on Christmas
TL
Charlie Woods
at 12
his dad
taught him
a great lesson
in endurance
that no matter what
happens or doesn’t happen
you adapt, you adjust
and you overcome
TL
In Repose
i sit
very still
and quiet
at the edge
of the sea
as it says
what it says
to me
i wonder
when it ever rests
maybe
on the other end
it’s as still
and as quiet
as me
waiting
for the sun
to rise
and sighing
as it
falls
beneath
there’s so much
going on
so much
i don’t see
or understand
or know
i feel like
a grain of sand
a drop of wave
picked up
and carried
and tossed around
then set me back
down
only to return
and retreat
in a rhythmic
and continuous
flow of time
a grain
is but a part
of something
more
something
infinitely more
as it travels so far
through time
and space
long nights
and dark days
in the crevice of a shell
tumbling and tumbling and tumbling
before it rests
in a bubble
of rain
and dries
in the breath
of a butterfly
and gets lifted
and carried off
in the careful hands
of a child
who will know
just what to do
TL
American Underdog
my dad
was big
on sports
he loved it all
I can see him now
jumping around
in his red pajamas
yelling at the TV
Go! Go! Go! Go!
jabbing the remote in the air
he’d get all worked up
over a touchdown
and laugh like a little kid
if it turned out
he didn’t miss a detail
or a call
or a play
or a look
he was all in
knew the stats
the style of the coaches
their history
how they recruit
think he loved the heart
you gotta have
to play full-out
other than sports
he was big
on movies
he’d read every single
credit line
rolling
and listen to the very
last note
to the ending song
and think about the story
long afterwards
if he was alive
on Christmas Day
Dec. 25, 2021,
he’d be sitting in the theatre
with a big tub of popcorn
a super-size drink
a bunch of candy (he smuggled in)
and a grin from ear-to-ear
barely able to contain
his excitement
over this new movie
he’s been dying to see
save me a seat, Dad
I’ll be there
soon as I can get away
don’t eat all the sno-caps!
TL
Christmas Lights
a night
of tiny stars
dropped down
and rested
on the windshield
glittering in the glow
Christmas all around
snow globes in every drop
catch the color
and spin round and round
like a blur
stars stuck on the shield
twinkle like a song
a streak across the glass
amidst so many drops
like a shooting star
before it blinks
TL
In the Kingdom
i can’t
re
member
a time
when i wasn’t
living in fear
it is so much
a part
of who i am
that i cannot
imagine
a life
without it
i have been shaped
by fear
from the moment
i was left
to the moment
he left
to the moment
she left
to the moment
i realized
i was
truly and utterly
a l o n e
no human form
i could go to
and tell
what was happening
in my small life
i lived in constant fear
and got good
at hiding my self
within my self
in order to survive
experiencing a death
so sudden
would further shape
my fear
i would always
be afraid
to love anybody
ever again
that awfully much
for it can break you
up
and leave you in
too many pieces
to pick up
and no matter how old
you get
you’ll spend the rest of your life
looking
searching …
for some speck
of who you were
before being
blown away …
i feel i’ve found
more than a speck
more than a piece
but whole sheets
page after page
of sheet music
blowing in the wind
that sings from the sea
and reaches
back
way back
to the part of me
that still believes
in fairy tales
and happily-ever-after
The End
TL
Never Giving Up
i suppose
to the outward eye
i’m just out there
hitting golf balls
in the early morning
light
day after day
chipping
and pitching
and putting
in the heat
in the wind
in the rain
in the cold
taught myself
the short game
without a lesson
pros tried to teach me
irons and driver
but it didn’t stick
still struggle on the range
but the short game
is all mine
and somewhere
out there
in the repetition
and rhythm
and feeling
blisters and Band-Aids
i found
myself
once more
TL
Come What May
it’s night
it’s cold
it’s been
one
of the worst
days
of my life
but not the
worst
no, not nearly
lived through
way worse
than this
small
insignificant
thing
that had me
crying in the car
for hours
it ain’t easy
being
a woman
I’m going through
“the change”
a month in
and it’s been
an adjustment
I’ve never been
a sweater –
someone who sweats
I can workout hard
and not break a sweat
but now
all of a sudden
like overnight
like a blink
I sweat
for no reason
at all
it’s like a flush of heat
washes over you
and you become hot
so you crank the air up
or kick the covers off
or roll your face with ice
but you don’t stay hot
10 minutes later
you’re cold
so you put the seat warmer on
and pull the covers up
and feel your face
but you don’t stay
cold
10 minutes later
you’re hot
my hormones are
way out of whack
my emotions are
hot and cold
you feel tired
but can’t sleep
you forget
what
you were
just about to say
then realize
it don’t matter
anyway
nobody’s listening
nobody cares
they got their own
problems
so after one
of the worst days
where you jest wanna crawl in the bed
and go to sleep
the day’s not done
yet
there’s chauffer duty
there’s waiting
you do a lot of waiting around
when you’re a parent
of a teen
who needs a ride
to this, that and the other
so it’s night
and it’s cold
and it’s been
a long day
and I’m sitting there
in my car
with the seat warmer on
and the AC blasting
and I close my eyes
and I just wanna go to sleep
I’m emotionally drained
but I open my eyes
‘cause I can’t fall asleep
in my car
and in the corner of my eye
I see movement
it’s a cat
a beautiful colorful cat
that just appeared
next to me
I roll the window down
and speak to it
but it doesn’t understand
me
so I get out of the car
and course
that spooks him
and he disappears into the bushes
I look for food in my car
something to give him
but I only find water
so I go over to the empty can
of food
that somebody left him
and fill it with water
he was thirsty
then I go to a nearby chicken place
and get him some nuggets
and another cat suddenly appears
and at first
they’re not that hungry
‘cause they’ve already been fed
but as time passes
they drink all the water
and eat all the chicken
they’ve had two meals
today
and now sit on the sidewalk
content
their circumstances are dire
they live in a gutter
and hide in bushes
with traffic circling them
day and night
constantly afraid
and yet
they are content
with their little lives
‘cause they have each other
and that’s all
that really ever matters
in the end
it could have been
way worse for them
they could have tried
to survive
on their own
all a l o n e
TL
Behind the Door
she saw
the dust
swimming
in the ray
of a closed
window
and thought
she heard it fall
as it touched
the floor
where a trace
of footsteps
left a sole
behind
the dust settled
on well-loved
Blue
and the bottom
of teacups
and bathtubs
wrappers of crayons
and crust
half-eaten lollipops
and spilled milk
wet mittens
and socks
turned pages
and magic tricks
leaves and sticks
and every rock in the river
brown boxes
that were never boxes
but boats
stars stuck on the wall
wake up at night
the cat didn’t have a home
neither the dogs
the birds, the rabbits, the hamsters, the fish, the gecko
the squirrel
minnows, frogs, fireflies, butterflies, inch worms
a white moth
a brown moth
a ladybug
a beetle
a bee
a lizard
broken wings
and tired deer
raccoons
and a fox that was
jest too fast
like that hummingbird
magic was
in the air
in every breath
it whirled and twirled
and rumbled and ran
it zigged and zagged
and crawled and stood
and pirouetted
and glided and spun
and drifted
quietly
across the floor
winking and blinking
out the door
leaving a trail
a hidden path
an opening
in a field
of wheat
a forest
of snow
an ocean
of sand
a mountain
of mist
a meadow
of orchards
red apples
and emerald cities
“follow, follow, follow, follow, follow
the yellow brick road …”
TL
The Spirit of Christmas
he always
always
brought me
a tin of chocolates
at Christmastime
that he’d meticulously
made
he loved to watch my reaction
on that first bite
making sure they were jest as good
as last year
after some persuasion
he gave up the recipe
and one day
I made some
and followed his instructions to a T
course they didn’t turn out
quite like his did
the taste was off
and I called him and told him that
he jest laughed as if he knew a secret
his chocolates had a certain quality
and over time, he had perfected the taste
and texture
whipping up batch after batch
in his country kitchen
he made so many happy
with his kindness and grace
at the last get-together at my house
over the summer
I was able to tell him
how much his chocolates meant to me
standing there in front of the refrigerator
I told him how those chocolates of his
helped get me through some tough times
how I’d stand there at the refrigerator
in the middle of the night
when I couldn’t sleep …
soothed by chocolate
thank you, Joe Frank, … I’ll miss you …
especially at Christmas – always, always at Christmas
(March 16, 1939 – October 27, 2021)
TL
Mountain’s Morning
a still
harmony
through sharp
fog
vast views
of paused waves
the shy gleam
of silver peaks
intense clouds
tangling the sky
quiet chaos
of roaring streams
red and yellow
carpet the floor
another leaf
delicately lands
with canopy’s
of evergreen walls
the morning dew
still forming
on blades of grass
(written in Mr. Sprouse’s English class
by one of his 8th grade students)